The most important thing a girl needs to know, what I wish I had understood at 13;

•You are worthy

•You are amazing

•You are lovable

Anyone who makes you feel less - is a parasite - bad for your mental health and your life.

•You are unique and special.

•You are more than your mother's image.

•You're more than your daddy's princess.

•You are more than trophies & report cards.

•You are more than the clique you belong to.

•You are more than some boy's girlfriend.

Those bullet points describe your relationships. They explain your family ties and personal connections to other people. They don't explain who you are, as a person. Imagine for a moment, how would you describe yourself to a stranger... If all you can think of is based on the existence of other people, then it's time to rethink the way you're currently living. Make some changes while you're young enough to do it.

Think of what you enjoy and what you're good at. Then do them. Don't let anyone shame you into hiding your talents. If you like to draw, draw. If you like to write, write. If you want to share your talents with others, you do it. If others belittle your talents, don't allow them to embarrass or shame you. People with small minds and envious hearts will always try to bring down people whom they are jealous of, or scared of.

People who are scared and envious often have big mouths and big personalities. Which seems impossible they'd be intimidated by you. But it's all false bravado, it's cowardice, it's being the class clown and building popularity at the expense of people who allow themselves to get bullied.

Don't ever let anyone bully you, baby girl.

Know your mind, know your heart, and don't compromise your own values in an attempt to make yourself more appealing or desirable.

The most attractive woman is the one who's got her shit together. #realtalk

As far as everyday advice for a girl living in 2016, here are 50 of YangeL's practical tips:

1. If you'd be embarrassed for your parents or loved ones to see it - don't post it.

2. Don't send nudes. Ever. E•V•E•R

3. If you wouldn't say it to someone's face, don't say it behind their back.

4. Don't go to parties without your girlfriends. When you're at parties, stick together.

5. Don't drink alcohol, don't get drunk.

5A. If you must drink to the point of drunkenness, do it with your girls only.

5B. There is nothing attractive about a drunk girl puking, or shitting her pants.

5C. There is nothing attractive about being arrested or hospitalized due to drunkenness.

6. Don't play games with boys emotions. If you don't like him, don't string him along as a backup option for your boredom.

7. Learn the difference between screwdrivers.

8. An electric drill is your friend.

9. Learn to cook at least 2 things very well.

10. Read.

11. Listen more than you speak.

12. Remember that everyone is dealing with their own bullshit.

13. Sometimes, we all have pity parties. And that's fine. But don't wallow in it, and don't let it take over your life.

14. A boy who accuses you of dressing in ways to attract other boys, or says "You're wearing makeup? Who are you trying to impress?" - this is a bad boyfriend. His jealousy and concern is not out of love. It is control. He will eventually hit you.

-14A. Never let a man run your life.

-14B. Don't allow a chance to be hit twice.

15. When another girl says "How are you? Gosh, you look tired!" In a phony voice dripping with sugar - she is NOT your friend.

16. If you dress like a slut, other girls will treat you like one, while boys pay attention.

17. If you act like a slut, boys will pay attention until you have sex. Then they'll treat you like a slut and laugh about you with their friends.

18. If your face is a different color than your neck, you need new makeup.

19. Walmart bras suck. Splurge and get Victoria's Secret.

20. Quality > Quantity. Always!

21. When you are frustrated and pissed off, screaming at the top of your lungs in a place where no one can hear you feels really good.

22. Your parents are fun-squashers. And?

23. You don't know everything. The things you know are based on your life experiences. Guess what? Your parents know more than you think they do. They understand more than you're trusting them with.

24. "Don't tell" and "did you hear" are generally the start of sentences that lead nowhere good.

25. Be loyal and honest and hopefully you'll be given loyalty and honesty in return.

26. The only thing that will piss a boyfriend off more than fucking his friends would be fucking his brothers. Don't do it.

27. Cheating is not a tit for tat. If he cheats, be done. And don't you cheat ever. If you are considering it with that much thought - your relationship is over anyway.

29. Read and learn and grow.

30. Everyday, find something positive that happened and appreciate it.

31. When you're feeling sorry for yourself, remember there are people who have it worse than you do.

32. Playing helpless or stupid is only attractive to boys who are helpless and stupid.

33. When your parents are insistent on NO, consider that maybe they're trying to spare you the pain of mistakes they made once.

34. Don't get in a vehicle with a drunk driver. Call your parents. After they calm down, they'll realize you did the right thing.

35. Do not pick sports teams to like because of who your boyfriend likes.

36. Remember you're not entitled to a damn thing. If you want it, earn it.

37. If you smoke marijuana, there is a difference between a pothead and a stoner. Don't be a wasted burnout.

38. Don't do meth. Ever. E•V•E•R

39. Learn to change a tire.

40. Just because it fits, doesn't mean it should be worn.

41. People who take gym selfies are douchey.

42. You are allowed to say "NO".

43. Put your phone down and make eye contact when people speak to you.

44. Use condoms.

45. Don't fixate on things you can't change.

46. Manners. Know them, use them.

47. Making your bed everyday makes the room look cleaner.

48. Don't watch TV. Read.

49. Appreciate what you have, work for what you don't.

50. Don't rely on anyone else to take care of you. You make sure you can take care of yourself. Never give away your power.

Additionally, if your boyfriend cheated with a girl who is no where near as attractive as you are, know this.... (As explained to me by my ex husband with a disturbing ring of truth) "There's no such thing as bad pussy. Some is just better than others." Ummm. #gross

Lastly, don't base your happiness on the actions of another person. Because a man, a boss, a parent, a child... All of us are human, and human nature is savage in its rawest form. You'll never find happiness in dependence, in the arms of a lover, at the back of a bar, in the bottom of a glass or loaded in a pipe.

The most attractive girl doesn't need you...she wants you. And if you fuck it up, she'll cut you off without thinking twice.

Be smart. Be kind. Be loyal and honest. Be a RollerDerby girl, be a rapper, be a movie star or a police officer. Be a pilot or a doctor or a chemist or a fashion designer.

You can do anything you want to do, baby girl. So go do it and be a badass.

You are special.  No.  You really are.  I know it is hard to believe when the grown ups always say that to you.  It becomes background noise to the voices at school telling you that you're nothing, or the ones criticizing you.  But whether you believe it or not, it's true.  You are loved and cherished by more people than you think.

Being a unique person has less to do with what one wears, what one learns at school, and more to do with dreams, delights, fears, and reactions to everything that affects them in the world.

Are you a kind person in spite of the way other people behave?  Do you respond in kind to the nastiness of others?  When the world shakes you down to your sneakers, do you wallow in darkness and pain, or do you pick yourself up, and find something to be happy about?  Do you find people who will treat you as you deserve to be treated, or continue spending time with people who will eventually hurt you?

You deserve happiness.  You do!  You deserve acceptance.  If people cannot see that, understand that, or believe that, then they are not worth your time or worry.  Clearly, they are not worthy of you.  That is worth repeating.  If they can't see what is dear in you, they are not worthy to share your airspace.  I don't care how cool they think they are, or how expensive they dress. I don't care what they think they know about you. They have no idea what they are talking about.  They don't know you.  They are focused on trivial things that don't mean anything in the long run.  Even the $500 outfits they wear will be out of style in anything from months to years.  You will never be out of style.  You will be the person you are, getting better with age and wisdom.

Believe in your heart.  There is so much inside you that is good.  So much inside you that can bring light to the darkness around you.  If you cannot see that, then you are too close to the pain inside.  The hurt the world delivers can take your focus and turn it away from the one thing that is most important in your life: your own little heart, spirit, and soul.  I say little, because at heart we are all small, simple, and vulnerable. Mine, yours, Albert Einstein's.  Inside we are mushy, soft, and brimming with something that desires love, peace, and joy.  We have other dreams and goals, but at our simplest, we want those three things.  The world can easily take that and squash it flat, but it is still there.  Often it is covered in scar tissue, or a shell, but it is there.  That sweet, dear, center is who you are, and it will bring out your best in this life.

The key to living a good life is to save that vulnerable side.  Cherish it.  Let it out with the people you trust.  Choose your friends wisely.  Have as many acquaintances as you like, but save yourself only for the kindest, most loving people.  Remember:   if someone is mean to other people, or cheats them, or lies to them, that person can do the same to you.  Being a part of the cool crowd is not worth getting your heart trampled.  It is much better to find friends who don't judge you, or anyone else, harshly.  Find friends you can be silly with.  Friends you can cry with.  Friends you can tell your deepest fears and hopes to.  Coolness should never be an issue with them.  They are for you, not the image you project of who they would like you to be.  These few will be the friends you have for your whole life.  These few will be like family, who will support you in the bad times and celebrate with you during the good ones.

Dear ones, take heart.  Middle school is a time of change.  A crisis of identity:  who am I?  Who will I become? Who do I want to become? 

I know you will become wonderful, whoever you become.  You have loving hearts, and smart minds that will help you to accomplish many things.  Don't be fooled by the world, by the cool kids, by anything that tells you you are unworthy.  Be who you are.  Be yourself (I know you're still figuring out who that is) and be kind to yourself.  

"Guess what Courtney?" Casey excitedly asked her twins sister.

"I don't know Casey, maybe, I think, we're turning 13 next Saturday." Courtney calmly interacted with her sister, pretending it didn't matter.

"COURTNEY!" Aren't you excited?" Casey started to get frustrated.

"Of course I'm excited, I'm just playing with you!" "So did you ask Mom & Dad what we're allowed to do?" Courtney was always the one who followed the rules and Casey, always got through the 'side door'.

"Courtney! We're going to be 13! I think we can do what we want to do!" Casey yelled at her, like she usually did.

"Casey I think the reason why Mom & Dad are leaving it up to us is to see if we're going to make the right decision. Let's say we see a 'rap music' group in concert, that's not considered the right decision, especially with all the curse words!" 

"Oh come on! They know we listen to rap on the radio! Ever since you joined the worship team in church you're turning into a prude!" Casey yelled back.

"So you think it's okay for a bunch of 13 year olds to use the 'F words' with our parents chaperoning us next week? I don't Casey! I think as Christian kids we're supposed to be examples and not join in like every other 12 year old turning 13!" Courtney didn't want to preach, but she had to make a point. 

"We go to Youth Group, we raise our hands and worship the Lord, then we come home and the radio dials to garbage. Are we motivating our friends, or being hypocrites? Do we believe in what we talk about in church? I don't know anymore". Courtney buried her head in her hands.

"Geez, Courtney, why is this bothering you?!" Casey said next to her in disbelief.

"Maybe, because I want to be an example! Maybe because I want to go to mission camp! Maybe, because I don't want to be like Katie or Ashley, when they turned 13, God was over for them, or maybe because I don't want to hear Mom say, "It's just a phase, they'll grow out of it!" The others didn't grow out of it, and I'm tired of everyone giving excuses for their kids! I don't want to grow out of a phase cuz I don't want to be in that phase! I don't want to give up on God because I'm a teenager now. Don't you think I need Him more now than ever?" Courtney had to stop herself because she started to sound like Grandma.

Casey started to laugh, "You're scaring me 'Grandma'!" They both started laughing at the same time.

"Okay, I get it. I don't want to be like Raina, or Jenna, getting pregnant at 13. No matter how much we said, "This guy only wants sex, he doesn't care about you!" Weren't we right?!" Casey was so angry when she knew how much both of them tried to be Raina & Jenna's friends. They just ignored them both, and then had to hear them cry when they got pregnant.

"I want to have fun Saturday! If I'm not 'cool' I don't care," Courtney stood up, pointing her finger at Casey. "We've had dumb birthday parties before, this time, I'm not going to listen to anyone else, just myself, and if you want to come...great, if not, then have your birthday without me. This party, I'm motivating myself and no one else. I'm going to remember that I pleased myself, not you, not 'our' friends! We have to be our best friends the rest of our lives. Are you on board? Do you want to please yourself? Or our friends?....