Stay

Laughter. It was what I most remember. We were both children. Playing in the sandbox, laughing when we'd throw snowballs of  sand at one another. I remember birthdays. Times where we would both sit outside the apartment porch and enjoy a slice of cake together while the rest of the children played hide and seek.

When we grew older you would lead me outside to the roof and we would just lay there. Under the twinkling night sky that would glisten and light up our dreams. Dreams about a future where you and I were happy. It was picture perfect. You did not know it back then but I loved you. Did you love me?

I think about crazy summers and our first kiss as we snuck out into the night sky, playing another game of hide and seek with our friends; even if we were too old to play now. You took my hand smiling charmingly leading me with you as we ran. Feeling free and as if the world was ours. And just like that. With only the stars to watch us we kissed. I thought you were happy with me at your side. Where you?...

I think about those times when you would sit quietly beside me and look out into the sky without a word. There was a look in your eyes that squeezed my heart so hard it felt like an old prune. When my hands reached to touch your face you would smile.

I'd missed the signs. I'd missed the signs of you pulling away from me. Pulling away from us; pulling away from life. I could give excuses of work, too much going on, not enough time or care to pay attention. I can't blame you. I know I can't blame myself and yet; as you lay in this hospital bed all I can do is weep at your side.

I can't find the will to leave you and it hurts knowing you would think leaving me was the answer. I don't understand why you wanted to leave this world. But I want you to stay. Leaving me to find your body after an overdose on sleeping pills ;that I did not know you had, it was like a part of me was taken with you in that moment.

I don't know if you'll make it. I don't know if I'll be able to help you. But I will stick by you because I love you. And I will always stand by your side. Love is about taking in the good and the bad. 

"Please. Stay."