The Bus

My mom is grasping my hand so hard it hurts. I don't know why. Then a big yellow bus comes around the corner. I look over at my friend Tommy. I'm excited, I'm all grownup and don't need my mom to drive me anymore. Tommy's been my next door neighbor for forever. We've been talking about this day for weeks. I smile, but he's with another boy. A boy I don't know yet. I hope Tommy sits next to me. He's the only person I know standing on the corner. Our moms start talking but I'm not listening. I'm trying to get Tommy's attention by sticking my tongue out at him. He's ignoring me. I turn back to watch the bus come closer.

I hear the bus coming before I see it. I feel my hand tense around Sarah's. "She will be okay, she will be okay" I keep chanting to myself. She seems fine. I see her glancing over at Tommy and another little boy. He doesn't seem to be paying attention to her. This makes me more nervous. He's found another boy to play with. I hope he doesn't abandon Sarah. My hopes are dashed as I see the other boy scrunch his nose towards her. Boys can be mean to little girls. Anger, dread, worry that sickens my stomach. Fighting for control.

Who will she sit with? Will she make friends? Will she be teased?

All I want is to whisk her away to where she will be safe. No one will be mean, and she won't lose her best friend. She will stay in a safe little world where she is loved.

Tommy's mom starts talking to me. I'm half paying attention, keeping my eye on the bus as it creeps down the street towards us.

I tell Tommy's mom that yes this is exciting. Maybe it's different for her? Tommy is her youngest. She has done this before.

Sarah is my first. She didn't come easy either.

I start hopping up and down as the bus stops in front of me. It's huge, and I see other kids inside. I start tugging on my moms hand so I can go first but she won't let go. She starts to hug me so tight I can't breath.

"Mommmmm" why is she being so weird? She let's go. Finally. I run to Tommy, but he's already on the bus. That's weird.

I climb up the stairs. I see all the kids on the bus, Tommy is sitting with the boy I don't know. The bus driver says only two to a seat. The bus doesn't seem so fun anymore. I look back at my mom. She's smiling. But it's her fake smile. It's the one she gives Mrs. Jacobs every time she brings over her tuna casserole. I don't know anyone else on the bus. And the only seat open is next to a boy whose a lot bigger than me. I see him pick his nose.

I don't want to ride the bus anymore.