UPWARDS SPIRAL

POEM:

All around me,

there is corruption.

An evil smile

lurks on every

strangers face.

Unknown eyes look at me,

stare at me.

If I turn around I’ll see

several people are following me.

But

when I look behind me,

the street is empty.

No one is staring at me,

except for one kid.

But he has no evil smile,

only a lopsided grin.

Maybe there is

less corruption than I thought.

STORY:

Faces meld together, and I know it's coming. A panic attack. The small haze of red overloads my senses. I can't see, can't think, can't breath, can't feel. Help, I think, but it's no use. None of these bastards around me can help. They don't even know what's wrong with me. How can they help? I make it into a restroom before I collapse to the floor of a dirty stall. I never stop to look at whether it's a men's or women's. It doesn't matter, anyway. I could pass for either. I vomit into the toilet. Chunks the color of rotted, burned eggs spew in a fountain into the bowl. The clear water is stained the color of shit. So are the sleeves of my shirt. I wipe my mouth. There is a burning taste of acid in my mouth. I swallow the burn and take out an inhaler. A deep breath clears the haze from my eyes. I can breathe again. I walk outside and am assaulted by noise. I wish I could cover my ears. So I do. Or maybe I do. I don't know anymore. All around me, people are buzzing with useless chatter. There is corruption and greed everywhere I look. A man looks at my boobs with an evil smile. I shudder. Where is a safe place? Safe place, safe place, safe place. A monster lurks on every dark alley street. Not safe there, either. A stranger's face. That's all I see as I look around me. Strangers. So I walk into the alley anyway. Unknown eyes look at me, but it's just a dirty cat. I feel like that cat. Dirty and alone. No one wants to feed me. I scare everyone away. I pet the matted fur and it's surprisingly soft. It's piercing eyes stare at me. I stare back. Neither of us intends to look away. I could stay like this forever, I decide. With this cat. I feel as though if I turn around, I'll see people lying in wait, waiting to mug me and kidnap me and sell me on eBay. I turn around. Nothing. When I look back, the cat is gone. So much for staying here forever. Back into the street. I can feel eyes at every turn, as if several people are following me, waiting for the crazy girl who stares at homeless cats to stop so that they can pounce.

But they never do, and when I look behind me, there is no soul in sight. I continue along the street. The street is empty now, surprisingly. I guess after midnight there's not much to do outside. Well, at least no one is staring at me.

Wait! It's not empty! There's a kid over by that Walmart. Except for one kid, there's no one else. But where are the kids parents? What if he's surrounded by the Mafia or something? Against my better interests, I cross the street, walk over to him. He seems to be alone, no Mafia in sight. I'm used to people glaring at me, or, like that one man, staring at me with an evil smile. But he has no evil smile.

"Hey, man? Where's your family?" There is no response, only a lopsided grin. He shrugs.

"Is there someplace you can go?"

"Maybe there is," he says. His eyes are honest. It makes me wonder if there is less corruption than I thought.