Sweat

Feet

Hands

Smiles

Eyes

Flags

March

Run

Laugh

Shout

Hug

Sway

Wave

Chant

Dance

Love.

In this one parade I found community.

#pride #lgbtq

Madness is the feeling of not knowing,

never knowing.

Like you want this to be true

but the world is against you

and everything you thought you knew

is strewn on the ground.

Why did things have to go this direction?

Why did life have a plan to lead this crooked road?

Most of all,

why can’t I go back and change it?

Anxious circles draw in your mind,

mind, mind you, not brain,

because it is the brain that controls the mind

but the mind that creates the concept of the brain.

Anxious circles rotate in your mind,

mind, mind you, not brain,

because your brain is what creates that formula

for your mind to think.

Fuck your brain,

fuck your mind,

fuck it for ever wondering why

or who

or when

or how

or what.

Endless wheel of spinning madness;

ancient spindle of wound up anxiety;

receding hairlines and dried, cracked lips;

if this isn’t madness, I don’t know what is.

Pure rage, pure anger,

Words do not spell out

the urge I have to throttle

the urge I have to take by the ear

the urge I have to make life miserable.

I won't do these things,

I won't commit these crimes;

instead I'll keep myself quiet,

I'll sit in silent rage

and make you feel the flames through my stare.

F**k you.

No, everyone is not bi these days.

No, everyone is not labeling themselves too early.

No, everyone is not faking just to seem cool.

No, everyone is not picking and choosing their gender identity for attention.

No, everyone is not too young to know who they are.

Would you like to know why?

Because we still have a life ahead of us.

If we decide who we are now, we’re allowed to change it.

No one’s pressuring us. We do this on our own terms.

Thanks you and have a good night.

#lgbtq+ #pride

What if

the lights all go out and we can't see

someone breaks in and I have to escape (I'll open the screen window, jump, and if my leg breaks, oh well)

someone with a gun kills someone I love

the person I love today won't love me tomorrow

the person I love today I won't love tomorrow

I break someone's heart

my sister dies

I die

something happens that threatened my life completely

my friends disappear from this earth?

What if

the lights go out but we all have each other

someone breaks in because they need a place to sleep (we offer them one and they are polite and kind and say thank you and leave harmlessly)

someone with a gun is caught and taken into custody

the person I love loves me unconditionally

the person I love I love unconditionally

I mend someone's heart

my sister is always happy

I live a long, loving life

something happens that guaruntees that we will live happily ever after

my friends all live long and stay in touch?

Don't think about those things, Fay. Don't think about the negative, Fay. Don't plant those seeds, Fay. You're weird, Fay. You think about random weird things, Fay. I bet you're going to grow up to be an outcast of society for thinking these things, Fay.

I counter the negative with the positive opposites. Does it always work? No. That's when these thoughts enter my head.

It's pretty busy up there.

I will place a hand on their shoulder

and firmly push them back;

No longer will they get to tell me

that I am nothing.

They shouldn’t have been able to

except I let their words encase;

I should have shoved and kicked

that still doesn’t make me something.

It doesn’t make me anything more

or make me any better.

You can’t fight hate with hate;

bruises for bruises will break the world’s bones;

ice the bruise, get up

stand up.

For a bruise, give a glare -

for a broken bone, give a shout -

for an open wound, give a soliloquy -

for a murder, send an army;

But not to kill.

To explain.

To make them learn.

Writing hasn't been easy

I've been struggling with certain things

Putting words to my feelings

truly has been a challenge

Although I have been struggling

there is also some good come out of it

But good that I cannot speak of

for I am not sure any longer

I apologize for my absence

please don't think I've left

I'm still here

I'm still weird

I still want to write

But I just don't feel right.

“When you try your best

but you don’t succeed”

look back at where you came from

go back through the pages and read

Read back through every minute

every moment that you lived

Give yourself a little time

You’ll find you get what you give

Succeeding is like walking;

it can only happen if you try

But if you try and nothing works

then you can’t give up your life

’cause life isn’t always about

winning the highest seat

You have to try your best

and hope you can succeed.