That familiar pull down there

the rush of blood pushes against membranes, veins swell, the sex inside of me screams...wake up!!

Knocking me into the consciousness that I am alive.

How quickly the urges from within wrestle me into awareness

I didn't ask for this. A presence in the room. I had hidden so well...forgotten, sealed myself away from any possibility of it.

Youth with its angst and not yet understood pressing, the fabric pulling tight around the groin... brooding brow, flawless flesh, eyes that deepen into me

the pushing of the bones and flesh, the forming into something that can create again. The urge awakens me and lightens me only to let me go. I know this is not real, not right but my body tingles with sensation, salt moistens my lip.

I had forgotten but it was just as quickly tugging at me...

there is sex, skin, damp, fleshy wetness, firmness, pulsation, the bounce, the rhythm of becoming one with another. The losing of myself in another....and then the release, the warmth down there leaves my flesh beating against the sheet. Alone in my room, I surrender I cannot resist nature and the delicious nubile discovery of self.

And just as soon...that lust, that desire cools off and hardens...I drown in an ocean of pain, fear, desire for more, for all. Hatred for this unquenchable desire.

alive again.