You remind me of the air

No, not air that I need

For you burn my lungs

Because you are a cold winter day;

Your air chills my insides

And makes it hard to breathe

An inhale is a sharp reminder of mortality.

Leaving you behind was a freedom

I no longer needed to live in fear of my shadow.

But I still did,

Because you were my nightmare.

The scale a nagging reminder in my stomach

Because the only thing I could feed on

Was my self-loathing.

You're bitter tea.

Tea that has burned and steeped far too long.

But I love my tea,

"I can't let this bag go to waste."

I should have though

Because I coughed you up

You made me ill.

It's more bittersweet, really

Because everyone who saw me was in awe

"You look wonderful"

"You've lost so much weight"

Not even you knew that I was drowning.

1000 calories consumed, 500 burned.

But of course, I was the embodiment of beauty

Finally.

But, I was never enough

And I hope I never will be.

You should have told me you were bad for me. As if I didn't know, as if the way you looked at me not with love but with carnal lust was not a first warning sign. The good, the bad, the ugly everything that you came with I took it all. Why? 

Maybe because I myself only looked back at you with lust. Maybe because I myself hated the quiet parts of me I was without you. With you I am wild, angry, a part of myself awakened and I.... I was caught up in your world of lies, cheating, passion.

Together we were bound to crash. Without one another what do we really have? When you're with me I have moments where I can breathe peacefully. Your arms wrap around me and I.... I feel at home. These moments of light and peace are only small glimpses of what could be. The calm before the storm. A storm of mistrust and bad judgement on both our parts...

In the end what do we have left?.... In the end what have we given each other if not pain. The bitterness of your kiss... the sweetness that comes with our passion has died long ago because we've consumed too much of each other. In the end... we are left empty and filled with regret. You and I are bad for each other. I am too prideful, you are too angry. We are both wrong. In the end... we are back to being what we once were when we began. Strangers wanting to be loved and left with bitter feelings of loneliness...