If you ask me, I won’t tell you that I love my life, I’ll tell you that I’m okay with it.

If you ask me, I won’t tell you I’m happy, but I’ll tell you that I’m working on it.

If you ask me, I won’t tell you that everyday I wake up feeling beautiful and confident, I’ll tell you that there are days I can’t bring myself to stand in front of the mirror without breaking myself into pieces, I’ll tell you that there are days that I can’t help but hate every inch of my skin, I’ll tell you that there are days that I see this world as cruel, dark and demoniac.

If you ask, I’ll tell you of that one time I was up till 5 am to watch the sunset at the top of a mountain, and I’ll tell you how my best friends and I ran into the pouring rain and danced till our feet hurt, I’ll tell you how beautiful it was to lose myself into art galleries and museums with the boy with green eyes.

I’ll tell you that yes, I’ve been hurt, and yes, I’ll hurt again, but I will find myself someday.

She was beautiful. And it’s not the ordinary beautiful you would ever think of. She was beautiful. A kind of beautiful I never thought I would ever meet. When I came back, I thought everything would have gone back to its ordinary way of being. Seeing the same people, doing the same things, going to the same places. But then I met her. And my God, ordinary was everything she was not. She was beautiful in the way she lost herself into art galleries, she didn’t look at pieces the way I did, she looked past that, she saw worlds I couldn’t even imagine, she was beautiful in the way she poured her whole into literature, and you really couldn’t grasp a touch from her then, she was beautiful in the way she sometimes got lost in thought, and her eyes became darker, distant, and you really couldn’t know what it was that was vibrating in her mind, she was clean water, pure air, wilderness, she was beautiful, the most passionate, ecstatic, mysterious, beautiful I’ve ever come across to. She didn’t like to look too far ahead, neither did she enjoy going too far behind, she liked now better. Before her, the sky was the same sky I have waken up to for the past 20 years, I didn’t know then, that somewhere between 5 am to 7 am, if you looked close enough, you could see a self portrait of yourself projecting into the sky. Before her, the night was only dark and black, and back then, I didn’t learn yet that what it really was, was a parallel universe made up of all our dreams and fears, that would someday allow us to set ourself free. Before her, I was just a man. Before her, I didn’t know what it meant to fall hopelessly and madly in love with someone. Before her, everything was black and white, and now, everything is a range of different shades of infinite possibilities. But most importantly, before her, my heart was still whole.

Sometimes I think too much, feel too much.

Sometimes the world is heavy, and cruel.

Sometimes just breathing is the most complex activity I need to get myself to do.

Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning I can’t find it within me to get out of bed, and do the normal things every human does, like washing my face, or brushing my teeth, or preparing myself breakfast.

Sometimes, just being is exhausting.

Sometimes it’s hard.

And sometimes it hurts.

And sometimes you’ll fall, and you’ll break.

But still, you’ll keep being.

Still, you’ll keep trying.

And still, you’ll live.

hey pretty it’s going to be okay.

hey pretty, when your world is falling apart, know you recreate yourself each morning as our mother nature does.

hey pretty, I know the world is cruel and avid at times, but the sun is still going to shine, and the rain is still going to fall, and flowers are still going to blossom, and so will you.

hey pretty, I know you’ve been hurt before, I know your heart may feel too heavy right now, but your sorrows will soften, and your tears will dry.

hey pretty, you’re going to be okay.

Please know that I’m not always going to be gold and kind and gentle, please know that there are going to be days when I’m cold and distant and hard to love.

Please know that I may be dancing in the rain and laugh like there’s no tomorrow at this very moment, and burst into tears the next.

Please know that I may be cosmic constellations and burning flames all at the same time.

Please know I’ve been hurt before, and I’ve been broken before, so please please handle me with care. Please know I won’t always function the way people expect me to, know I’m gonna break, and please know I’m gonna fall and burst into flames.