Such a Capacity

"You'll understand once you're a mother" was no match for, "you're going to have a sister."

I was at the ripe age of nine when the words "P test" on my mom's shopping list made sense. "You'll be a sister".

I was nearing eleven when I first held my baby sister, all bald, bow stuck with vaseline... "we used to do this to you when you were younger", my parents would say.

Now seventeen years old, making my college decision, and I can't leave, not like I've wanted to do for so many years. A small Seven Year Old voice telling me to "please stay".

At seventeen years old, thinking back to fifteen, when she saved my life, and she didn't even know it.

To thirteen, when I sang her to sleep for the first time... "you make me happy when skies are grey" became the anthem of our shared bedroom and the key to my heart.

Back to nine, when I never would have guessed that I could feel a love that was not conditional.

And again, seventeen, excited to see the sweetest part of my life when I get home.