come on in again, oh my darkness!

befriend my blindness, and leave again.

got no need to remain.

I`ll manage.

spiralling, got a clot in my throat.

watch them come to shake my boat

till capsized again. and again I pretend that

I`ll manage.

come on in again, oh my darkness!

the light lost this brawl again.

sent his regards.'long time, no see'

I`ll manage.

drowning. pull my head out

keep it up above.

growing gills take time.still insist

I`ll manage.

washed ashore by dawn.

keep me in your thought.

if you did, that means that

I`ll managed.

grin upon your face:

i`m in better place.

loyal to my ways.

I managed.

Doubt me. Throw me back to my mistakes.

But not to change, to look at what worth leaving.

My mind kept blocking memories away,

So heart by now got cold because of silent dreaming.

See through me and the man that I've become

When friends and enemies are changing places,

And I no longer hate their jealous faces

Because I might be having one.

Destroy me. But weave in it some of your blessing

That tastes like careless caressing.

Stop fixing me. It is a reckless action,

Better go sell my story. Pack it into fiction.

I`ve grown. Same time I got way smaller.

The changed my name. They dug a grave for old ones.

I stood up, turned out I am taller.

And left to walk another mile.

They were never greedy for words. Perhaps, because it was the only thing they had in abundance. Bumping off their vocal chords, if stingy enough, words would always found their way out.  They rarely got stuck in their throats, even if they didn`t amount to nothing, but a meaningless blubber. Blended into mud, they still poured out ruthlessly. Then again, if not sticky enough to remain, they would still leave rare stains, that would serve as a reminder of an irksome encounter. And so it went: with each new day coming they only hopelessly chased for a suitable occasion to get even with each other. 

He has long grown tired of the senseless endeavour he once embarked on. Those who he had nurtured turned into brainless beast, seeking for nothing more but a complete self-annihilation. Those who were meant to complete him, waisted themselves away for the great ideas, and turned into the ‘three quarters of themselves’. Whatever sounded as a decent option at the time was taken advantage of: he locked himself away on the top of the bland tower with a good view. He remained afloat, but hardly got enthusiastic about random tweaks in his routine. The only thing that never failed to consume him was his tune: maestro took a  special pride in composing a ballad, and was eager to whine whenever he could.

'I cannot wait till things get straight’ he whistled to his beast, as they were heading into the sunrise. 

‘I want to pity you, but I haven`t learnt what it feels like’ she reasoned, with a wail of bore on her face. 

For once again, she turned her face to the gloomy scenery, stretching behind the tinted glass of the window.  With her sight no longer sharp, she pushed herself to see past the blur, wondering if the objects of her attention deserved her stair.  As if holding them to a high standard superimposed on her by a prior indoctrination, the beast grew anxious. The ugliness of the drowsy crowed did not invoke any empathy in her. The apathy, that polluted their air from the very beginning of the trip, was soon to be replaced by frenzy. It was getting stuffy in the tin cab, as it was speeding down the main street.

‘Look how nasty they are!’ - her jaw dropped under the weigh of words. Too heavy on her tongue, they still jumped off it eagerly, as from a trampoline. Loosing her breath, she chuckled, expressing her distress from the damage caused by the mare observation. Seeking no approval, she was thrilled to be stopped, but he was mute. 'It wasn`t his time yet’,- he figured. 

It was a promising start for an hour long drive. Sixty minutes late they were scheduled to bid each other farewell. And as if desperate to compensate for the obscurity of the relationships they developed, the beast wished for nothing more, but to say ‘the thing that were always left unsaid’. She was rarely the one who minded the silence, but this time it only made her mouth water. And so she was spitting out whatever she gathered on the tip of her tongue.

‘This is why I cannot see the colour’- she blurted, mimicking his ways. Speaking eloquently about any simple matter always led the others to believe that she was no savage. Yet, in her mind, the beast just buckled up for another turbulent ride. ‘The only thing was left to do is to insure an undivided attention of the prey’, - she reminded herself.

‘I never could either’-he admitted, smiling to himself about a vivid possibility to find a common ground with the beast.

‘Born and bred here, you`d bleed grey too if I cut you’- she noted. Surprised at how sharp it came out, she instantly got excited for a rebuttal.

His smile shuttered. Fell off. 'She was up for now good’,- he got disillusioned. His mind started rambling, chasing for a laughable pitch. The one, that would throw the beast off-track. With a life-long catalogue of jokes, he hummed his heart away for another mile. The time was running out, but he never made up a line. 

’Don`t take me wrong, I never top myself either, - she proceeded, - My irrelevance is no mistake, since I am mistake myself. There was no fault of mine in this wrongdoing, yet I feel a burden of it everyday, - the beast hinted, with a twinkle in her eyes.

‘How so?’- slipped from his tongue, when all he wanted was to shut her silent. 

‘My nurturer,  as you well know, she is no master of her tongue,- she spills the secrets as she goes. And this is how I have learnt that I was her decision, barely yours. By now I have grown weary of the repercussion, but there is not much I can do, unless I flee from my beloved. Then I invent myself as someone new’- she rhymed with passion, as if hoping for a prize.

‘What now?’ - then again he stumbled.

Silently condemning himself for inability to get a hold of his words, he was still hoping for a chance to retaliate. Yet, the generosity, he was admired for, now withered. His mouth was dry. 'Perhaps, it is a mere consequence of reasoning with one`s own child,’ - he hoped.

The beast went on: ‘Is there a point in discussing what did not occur?!’ 

‘To Plan.To Hope. And to aspire,’ - he proudly declared, as if he coined something fresh.

‘As if One is in control!’ - she chuckled, convinced that she knows something he is not aware of.

‘Helps bring the change about,’ - then he persisted. 

‘You mean, accept what is coming, I imagine, - the beast mocked him,- But then again, just look outside: what good does the acceptance do,when audacity is a ‘size-too-big’ for them to wear?! Been there. Done that too. They all will vanish in despair.’

He nodded politely to hide his lack of understanding.

‘They will get their beating first!'- she laughed, as if it was an appropriate reaction, - Too sad, I will not live to see it happen.’

‘You wish to die again? - he interrupted, proceeding with an utmost confidence, - I have seen those who on the verge of passing, were begging for another day. ’

‘No, I`d be self-absorbed in my own greatness, - the beast muttered, as if reassuring herself, - so to say, I will not care to notice anymore. The past will fade by then, so my mind won`t be burdened by suffering that is not mine.’

He smiled, kindly gazing at her. She hardly derived any pleasure from it. ‘I`d rather pick up a fight’ - she convinced herself, and started to reevaluate all available options she could have used to 'start the fire’ all over again. Immune to what she was finding repugnant, and hardly upset by her rookie abuse, he could not admit his wrongdoings, and their impact on her constant despair. The quite took over, but the tensions never died down. Yet, it was not enough to satisfy her thirst for vengeance, she dreamt up about.

They finally made it to the highway, but the road did`t get any easier. The roam never mattered much, but fumes made the beast howl. First, the displeasure she derived came in waves. She caved in and murmured, then picked on him to substitute for the moments of weakness she showed. But any topic she brought up, never stuck, and they never passed the surface. The beast insisted to dig deeper: ‘ I would kill, just to amount to something. I would play the God that way.’ 

‘Aren`t these shoes too big to fill?’- he suggested, checking the time. ‘It`s gone’, - he thought to himself.

‘They always are, until you grow out of them. Whatever left of my nurturer, occasionally reminds me to keep my head down too.But what if the only thing I desire is to rise above?Tell me, did two of you conspire?’ - the beast grew suspicious of his calmness.

The time spent in the cage took the very best of her by now.

‘I haven`t heard her speak in years. But she would wish you no harm,’- he uttered clumsily.

‘Just as you did, right when you turned out to be traitor, - she roared, unable to constrain her anger, - You think me fool, since I dismiss your alienation, and presence that is nothing but facade. With a few miles left, yet so much to be said! I`d rather waist no time, and toss all my frustrations your way. And since you`d rather stay loyal to the silence, there is no excuse that will redeem your deeds,’ - the beast stated, running out of breath.

He cursed the tin can they were stuck in, for how tiny it turned out to be for two of them. 

‘Shoot!’- was the only thing he whispered, hoping for a quick and painless death of his affection. 

‘Nobody teaches beasts to forgive, yet they expect them, as if it is in 'savage nature'. How can it be considered to be true, if non of you had never worn my skin? The cruelty you showed to me, you often say you never wish for foes you make. But how can ‘caring’ hurt the one you swore to protect and keep from cold? First you enlighten me, then leave me in the dark. I find home, but you get the house shattered.Was born to lead, but I turned out to be one who drags along. And still, you hope for unconditional affection,- the beast then went quite, with her jaw turned swollen. 

The red she spilled on words she said drained her dry. Her heart skipped a beat, as if to celebrate the ease she felt. It was just the beginning,but it was enough for a ‘good-bye- drive’. The sun finally let the horizon go: it was a promising starts of a new day.

Devouring her bitter cry, he felt the anguish, that tasted just as the one he had decades ago. The car stopped, but the beast was not ready to leave. She watched his face change, waiting for the words to spill. As if no longer able to rationalise, he then took a deep breath and dove into himself. He pulled all the right plugs, unleashing what he forgot he once was. It was the only solution that he could have think of. ‘Pandora`s box’ was open, and he finally remembered: ’I was just like you once, before the road I set myself to walk had changed me. I once emerged to raise up high, but was put down by those who raised me. Just as you now, I was terrified of staying, and chased away all my best years. Still, when the time came I repeated the same mistakes my au-pair once made.'

‘To take it as as apology or challenge the alleged curse?’ - the beast wondered, but never uttered. She smelled his exhaustion, and despite her barbarity, decided to give him a chance to remain. “We will have another shot at getting even,’ - she promised herself.

The tin can bursted open, and she was on her way.  As he watched her go, he stated to count the moments till the beast come crawling back.'Tamed and no longer her savage self, she would see the world through my eyes,' - he thought. He hoped for the bond of understanding to tie them together someday, so for once again they will become a family. Then, he will no longer need his tune.

The beast never looked back. Rushing ahead, she was burning from inside with passion and courage she never had before. Her mouth was thirsty for new words, but she still didn`t see it as a priority. She lusted after tangible things. Unlike him, she had to have more then what she had,while growing.

It didn`t take long until as so many others, she found herself locked inside another tin can. ‘It is different,’- she mumbled, and as if to reassure herself she looked down to the ground, but could not see it. Buckled up and locked down, she finally felt free. The beast was on a road to be stripped off herself. Just as he once was.