We sit together in silence; my heart aching.

Silently screaming, you don’t have to be afraid;

I’m here to stay. Anxiety eats away at the beautiful

parts of you and me but what if we stop it now?

What if we just say everything will be okay.

What if you just talk to me; words releasing

all the pain that causes all that breaking?

What if we whisper in this darkness,

pretend we’re using a telephone;

wires connected from my heart

to yours? Could we be okay?

ReBecca DeFazio

More Than a Flower

#poetry #poet #poem #writing #amwriting #writer #lovepoems #love #relationships #anxiety

Screams fueled you so I learned to whisper;

secrets lining the bottom of my mattress.

Skinny spaces where only myself and my

dreams could fit. Crashing through the

door drunk on rage; you never thought

to look in the places where you couldn’t

get into yourself. 5 seconds…run!

My fingers tips learned how to press

out window screens quicker than

they could open soda cans.

Hide in the trees; deep breathing.

Prayers dancing on my tongue,

tears begging to fall.

They never talk about the

childhood moments that

could ruin you.

ReBecca DeFazio

More Than a Flower

#poetry #poem #writing #poet #writer #trauma

I burnt it down.

Forget the blue

haze we woke up in,

it’s all red now.

I buried my face into

your neck and I cried

so hard I thought

I’d die. Oxygen wasn’t

making it to my brain,

it was tired up,

hand shaped

around my throat

telling me “it’s okay.

We can die today.”

Could you remember?

When I really did want

to die? When I hated

everything inside &

outside? When I’d

starve and bleed for

fun; tracing the damage

I’d done with fingertips

that we’re almost gone?

I don’t want to die anymore.

I’m trying to pull away.

I’m afraid. I’m afraid.

I have so much more I want

to say, the words that could

never escape, the ones

I need to speak to your face…

The universe is calling for pay.

I take everything that is left

(besides myself) and set it aflame.

“Here, here you go!

Have this.

Not me. Not me.

I’m not ready today!”

ReBecca DeFazio

More Than a Flower

#poetry #poem #trauma #abuse #writing

i.

hands

too many hands, touching all the wrong spots. too much pressure, in places that never asked to be stained with dirty fingerprints and filthy mouths.

ii.

nights i woke up blindfolded. nights i woke up deaf. nights i woke up screaming. nights i woke up dead. nights i never slept.

iii.

the way the refrigerator felt pressed up against my back. anorexic-spine refusing to bend and break. chin up, tears checked. the way that the solid object gave false confidence. the way my bones still cracked.

iv.

the wedding ring in the grass.

v.

tubes & wires

small lungs failing. because babies don’t belong here this early. but trauma has a way of bringing out the best of us.

vi.

tubes & wires

“you can’t hold him.”

“please give me back my baby?”

“you have nerve damage.”

“give me my baby back!”

“someone put her back to sleep.”

vii.

distance and space and sirens and screams. and how all of those words just feel like the word abandoned. and how everyone always leaves.

viii.

all these fucking metaphors.

ix.

my wrists tied to his knuckles. and how he hangs around my neck. and how he hangs around my thoughts. and how he gets hung up in my throat. and how my eyes feel hung out to dry.

x.

the way the mirror explodes when it sees my face. how two of my fingers fit so perfectly at the back of my mouth. how i reach for the devil and up comes the ache.