despises

itching to be

anything but me

destroying from inside

hate to have to hide

sinking, slipping

never winning

cling and climb

way too much time

down and down

a depressing gown

the need to purge

when thoughts emerge

feeling numb

craving some

fight the thoughts

the one that haunts

it screams while it rises

speaking of despises

just please donʼt say it

for it feels like you spit it

wrapped in hate

my heart eviscerate

I cant fix me

though I plea

with all of my essence

to be evanescence

replaced by a normal

someone more formal

no longer a freak

perhaps even meek

not even close to a spaz

or come anywhere close as

the strange, sad, uncontrollable

weird, unwanted, gross, inconsolable

thing that sits here and cries

and you watch and despise

and it cuts and it hurts

but I dont mind

dont mind a change in time

and the way ive always been

the pattern can be changed

because in this life

Iʼm tired of being left

tired of being hurt

but in the end it doesnʼt matter

and doesnʼt quiet make sense

and in the end I know

I must distance; towards myself

for Iʼm not use to relying on others

not use to this, to depending

because I have learned and it is true

everyone can and will hurt you eventually

its alright though

Iʼm not mad

could never be mad

just hurt

but Iʼm fine