8 Reasons to Turn Down a Marriage Proposal

One:

         I met you at the library yesterday

         and the only thing I said to you was, “Excuse me,”

         as I reached past you to grab the latest

         science-fiction novel by David Weber on the shelves.

         While I appreciate your own appreciation

         for science-fiction in life and in literature,

         I don’t watch Doctor Who so asking me to

         “Be your Companion through Time and Space”

         while offering a ring shaped like the TARDIS

         is not really a thing I am interested in.

Two:

         I like my coffee the same way that I like

         my Sunday mornings—slow and sweet

         and oh-so-just-right-hot.

         Not too hot and not too cold, you understand?

         But wrapped up in that delicious kind of tangle

         where languor meets luxury in a lush kind

         of wallow and you and I roll around in the mud.

         Sunday is a day of rest—

         But you like your coffee black, if you drink it all.

         Black and burnt and boiling; no sweetener to

         be found at all in you, no cream.

Three:

         We’re in Las Vegas—

         Ask me again in the morning when you’re sober.

Four:

         “I love you” are words we dream about,

         words we search for and sometimes force

         and often, words that we misunderstand.

         You said, “I love you,” and could tell me

         nothing else. Over and over you repeated,

                              “I love you.”

                              “I love you.”

                              “I love you.”

         I don’t want you to love me—

         I want you to know me. I want

         you to know me and understand

         where my rage and pain and terror

         grow inside of me, and I need you

         to know those places where gardens

         of laughter and sensuality and zeal

         flourish in wild, abandoned jungles.

Five:

         I don’t love you. I don’t know you.

                   I don’t want to, either.

Six:

         I… I have to wash my hair.

         I left the oven on.

         I think I left my door unlocked.

         I caught a rare African disease that is highly, highly contagious

      and very uncomfortable.

         I have to fulfill my potential.

      I have to fulfill your potential.

         I just found out we’re related.

         I need to play with my mental blocks.

         I’m too young for that stuff.

      I’m too old for that stuff.

         My subconscious says “No.”

         None of my socks match.

                    I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

Seven:

It’s not you, it’s me.

Eight:

It’s not me. It’s you.