Can anyone here write a good obituary?

My mom is going to kill me.  She is going to murder me, and its for something she cares about a lot more than I do.  She's going to kill me because I got yellow paint on my good tennis shoes.  The ones she bought me because she wouldn't let me wear my old pair to school anymore.

Personally, I don't care if there's paint on my shoes.  It seems a little vain to me, to worry that much.  I mean, how often are people actually looking at your feet, and judging you based on how they look?  It's like when my dad got mad at me once for wearing my socks inside out.  No one's going to see it- why does it matter, if I don't care?  

For those wondering, I got paint on my shoes for a good cause.  My church is doing a trunk or treat(for ignorant buffoons like me, it's like trick or treating with cars instead of houses) and our youth group was making decorations for our trunk.  We're doing a Jonah and the Big Fish/Under the Sea theme, and we were making coral reef decorations to put around our big fish.  It's a big fish because technically, it never says whale in the Bible.  

I managed to get my hands covered in paint in the first ten minutes I was painting.  And because I was helping getting water to clean off brushes, I had been painting for less time than any of the others.  And later that night, I got yellow paint all over my shoes.  There's a reason I don't do crafts.  It's because if I worked with anything remotely dangerous, I would end up accidentally killing myself.

Exhibit A: In Middle School, I took a shop class.  We used box cutters a lot, and I cut myself.  Barely a minute after another girl in my group cut herself with another box cutter.  I'm pretty sure that means I'm very careless, an idiot, or both.  Or that the sevens were strong that day.  Probably a combination of all three.

But if my mother does murder me when she sees yellow acrylic paint on my shoes tomorrow, I want to say thank you to everyone who bothered reading these.  It has helped to stoke my surprisingly large ego.  Also, beware computer gremlins and sevens.  Both are largely unknown products of mankind's sin.  Though I have a test tomorrow, so it would probably be the greater punishment to leave me alive.