More of Anything

I enjoy many simple pleasures in my life. My children's laughter, the warmth of my lover, and the smell of my Spanish Saffron Heat candle holder that even though it's empty from hours of burning, I can still smell it. I cleaned it out and it now holds change, but I can still smell it. That's the problem you see. I can smell things when the smell is gone. Imagine it, really. It's literally all in my head.

I'm trying to make this as poetic as possible, but it's proving to be difficult. Therefore I will cut to the chase and form the questions.

Why do I...do this to myself? Why do I sit here and imagine the smell of the candle I cannot afford? Why do I imagine the taste of the cake that I am not supposed to eat? Why do I see myself slender, healthy, and vibrant while I am sneaking candy to my bathroom? Why do I let myself suffer for mere minutes of bliss?

Why, even though I have a beautiful life, do I want more? More romance, more affection from my son, more obedience from my daughter, more house, more money, more more more....

I can't help but worry that it will never be enough for me, and if it isn't, that karma will come and take it all away.

Why do I do these things? I don't know.