do i want you...or our memories?

i just saw you with her. your smile so bright it could blind. white teeth flashing in a grin that shone brighter than the sun itself - that perfect smile that used to shine for me. her giggling, twirling her hair, so obviously infatuated with you.

i guess the reason why i'm jealous is that scene reminds me of what we used to be - my memories of you are a wash of colour amidst sepia recollections. 

while other photographs fade, becoming dull and gray and hazy, my memories of you are photographs that still remain clear, glossy and seemingly freshly taken even after years of being stored in the album of my memory. 

but i'm chasing unachievable dreams, pining for things i can't have. like you.

all you can spare for me now is a bitter glance. while you treat her like she's the only girl in the entire universe.

i hate you.

but i still miss you.

i would be glad to have you back, even with the quarrels, the shouting, the problems we had.

when we were an item i felt on top of the world. you told me i was the best thing you could ever have.

now, looking back, i wonder how many girls you've said that to.

and now, you barely notice me. even when i walk past you in the hallways you act as if i'm just another random stranger that you never knew. oh, how wrong and ironic when last time you told me that you would always remember me, always think of me, that we would be together forever and always. 

but we walked through each other like phantoms through walls. you left no trace behind in my life. you just left. disappeared. took everything that was yours away from me and disappeared from my life. i told you oh, darling, our page in life's book's not yet complete. how could you just leave? but you were emotionless and unfeeling. told me i didn't matter anymore. told me it was her you wanted, not me. all you left behind was the memories. our memories.

but i've finally realised that it's not you i'm in love with anymore -

it's the memory of us that i'm pining for.