04 December 2016

I try and try, but some things just do not leave you; some people just do not leave you. I try to expel these detrimental people from my life, but how do you expel someone from your veins? How do you purge yourself of a toxin if it has embedded itself in your blood cells and lines your lungs, living in every breath you take? How do you cleanse yourself without killing yourself?

People reside within you, memories live on forever. You cannot just uproot a memory and kick it out of your brain. Humans are cursed with the worst disease of all: overthinking. Over thinking makes it nearly impossible to say goodbye to others and mean it.

How do you move on when every beat of your heart is for someone else? How can I possibly give someone else a place in my heart when my heart is overrun by unbearable feelings for others who do not deserve my love? You cannot just decide to give that intimacy to another person; you love different kinds of people differently.

My heart is swelling with love I have been unable to give away. How do I strip my heart of this hurt, of this unforgiving love without bringing myself to the brink of death? I am dripping with unimaginable amounts of tenderness for people undeserving. How can I possibly possess so much endearment for others who do not want it or do not deserve it? And why am I not allowed to care for another who deserves affection more than any other person I’ve ever known?