Goodbye

I opened my eyes expecting I'd open them to you. I longed to see you lying there next to me on the hood of the old Mustang. However I awoke to find something missing. That something being your body, missing from its proper place at my side. You kept to your word by leaving, only I'd wished this time you lied. I wished this time you could have strayed away from doing the right thing. I wished it just for once...

The sun sat low on the desert's horizon. Lazily climbing higher into the sky, leaving a blood red trail in its wake. A cool, dry breeze skimmed across the skin of my bare arms and legs sending a shiver through me. Unknowingly, my fingers stretched out in search of your rough hand. The only rough touch they found was that of the blanket beneath me.

Bittersweet memories of the night before filled my mind. It was an odd sensation, playing the past events over in my head. It was like a dream, distant and foggy, it made me feel lighter in some way. Though it also seemed sure, and it was because of this feeling that I knew it truly was no dream...

We drove for hours into both the desert and the night. Clouds of dust billowed behind us as we traveled on. My fingers were laced in my hair, which was dancing wildly in the cool wind. The cool wind that poured through the old Mustang's open windows. I had no clue where we were going, but I never bothered to ask him. I've learned to enjoy his spontaneous behavior. It was really one of the many things I loved about him.

Suddenly the car began to pull to a stop. The dust settled behind our car. "This is it," he said, looking over to me with eyes gleaming.

"If you're talking about the middle of no where, then yes, this is it," I repeated his short statement. "What are we doing here?"

"Let me show you," with that he reached behind his seat and grabbed a thick gray blanket, smiled excitedly at me, and hopped out of the car. Watching from my seat, I observed him walk towards the front of the car and unfold the blanket he held in his arms. With a big swooping motion he splayed the blanket across the hood of the car. He made a gesture with his hand for me to join him, and so I did, stepping out of black vehicle and into the chilly night air. I came around to join him on the blanket.

For a few minutes, neither of us said a word. Finally I broke the silence. "So?" I asked simply.

"So?" He mimicked. I looked up at him from where I lay on the hood. He was propped up on one elbow, staring up at the night sky.

Gazing intently at the boy who lay beside me, I proceeded to ask, "Why did you bring me out here?" The boy didn't respond, only turned his face down to mine. Our eyes stayed locked on each others, unwavering, until he brought his lips to mine. It wasn't the kind of answer I'd expected, but a sure as hell was pleased with it.

From that point on, our fingers remained laced together. Few words were exchanged, but the silence never bothered us. A span of blissful quiet had settled in, only to be disturbed as he said in barely more than a whisper, "You know I have to go, don't you?" Sadness hit me like a brick. It became known to me finally, the means of this outing. It was his way of saying goodbye.

"Yes," was all I managed to get out. My voice quivered, and I felt him squeeze my hand.

"You know I love you, don't you?" He questioned, tilting his head to face mine.

This time I gave no response, only tightened my grip on his large hand.

"I wanted to say good-" he began to explain, but I cut him off.

"No. You're not saying goodbye. Not yet..." I trailed off and I tear skittered down my cheek.

"I'll be gone before morning, this is my only chance to say it." He persisted.

"Don't say it. Not yet." I snapped. With a sigh of defeat, he gave up the argument.

Before I knew it, my eyelids had grown too heavy to keep open. My breathing slowed to an deep and even rhythm. I was on the edge of consciousness when I felt his lips gently press against my forehead. Faintly I heard him whisper the words I dreaded hearing, "goodbye, Ana."

Finally, and without my consent, I succumbed to slumber, a brief murmur of a goodbye rippling on my lips.

As my memory ended, my heart sank deeper into my chest. I grabbed a hold of the rough blanket under me and pulled it close, burying my face into its gray fabric.

An image of a face materialized in the back of my mind. A face that I would likely never see again. Looking out into the distant desert horizon, I whispered, "Goodbye, Charlie.."