Shitty stream of thought
With eyes to pained to close
With a mind screaming to loud to sleep
With a body too heavy to move
And a brain too burdened to think
48 hours
And it seems like we will make it 72
Life has become a fog
Once I held her hand
And she said mine warmed hers
Look at them now
Shaken and icy
Are they even mine?
It could go two ways
I lay here
The bed to high a wall to climb
So I lay here
Beside it
Of course it doesnt matter anyway
Do I have a body?
If so I cannot feel it
My mind is too loud
Stay here
Overcome with a brain both dead and yet somehow able to scream
To live as contradiction
Too loud
Too numb
Too sad
Too empty
Too lonely
Too worthless
Or maybe I could rise
Stand and see that face
See her staring back at me
Staring with his eyes
Only his never were smeared in mascara
See that the empty ugly thing inside my brain
Is not limited to inside
Now that they've gone the mask is too
The girl who laughed and smiled
Has left and now I see
What I really am
Hated unwanted ugly pathetic
Stare into his eyes and cry
Scream to the sky
Is this existence?
For I feel everything and yet nothing
Just need sleep
But sleep is too blessed a respite
For this tortured soul
Life must leave me with my brain
Immobile and unable to fight
Unable to hide from what is real
God but how can I live?
Live because death is worse
Laugh because tears make them worry
Or do they?
Remember now
Tis just a burden to cry
Don't do that to them
In fact
It would be best
If you just left altogether
The mask is shattering
Just go away
Just go and hide
Don't make them see
Don't force them to fix that which
Cannot be fixed
Don't let them look upon
That thing you hold inside
It's not like they'd care anyway