Current currents

Should I be granted the truth in my own heart....maybe someday. I don't know. I glisten in the wind, an apparition of ambitions yet to be realized. Thoughtful, but truly thoughtless in a world of a million people. A million hearts, beating at all once. I'm hopeless, in a world that will spin on and one without me. Without them. Fleeting moments of love escaping through my fingers, in the present but fading into the past.

I am...at a loss. Love holds the fabric of my consciousness into tangible and coherent pieces of a mind, that now dwindle. Set adrift. Flowing past happy truths and distant memories. Past my parents. Fleeing the inevitable. But I can't escape it. 

I can't escape me. 

I am a trapped vessel, tethered to the earth by irrationality and reason all at the same time. Love leading me on, into joy, into tragedy. Beating me, breaking me, swaying me into submission. Because if not for them, what am I? who am I? Without these feelings, where do I exist within myself? 

I am...trembling on a fine line of blissful ignorance and conscious mortality. What lies in between? Where do I exist in this no man's land? Near my coffin, do I linger? Do I stay? Is that all I see?  I'll turn away from it, but I'll have to turn right back again someday. Sometime.