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sometimes i feel solus. trying to communicate with people who are seemingly unavailable. yet i find out from a sister so dear that they are available. i just forgot the ticket or i wasn't invited. i could've 'asked' as well. then she goes to sleep and i wish her sweet dreams. but i feel so defeated by the fact that all my attempts were inefficacious. that i'm the odd one out, the person that no one wants. i feel so alone and i feel so angry. i feel like i can do unspeakable things to them. i want to do those acts, but i shouldn't do them. besides, it's only a matter of time before the meeting rallies again. i finally should go to sleep or take another shower or complete an assignment. because that's all you can do right?