Ash Wednesday

So it's Ash Wednesday---I was reminded on the train ride this morning on my way to work. It's the same metro I take every day, just 2 quick stops to the Chinatown in dc.

Then from there another 3 blocks of entertaining visuals, and I' m walking through the front doors.

It's Ash Wednesday-I was reminded again as I made my way to my cubicle.

I'm transfixed when I see those smudgy black splotches of ash. It brings me back to my high school days.

That was the first place I'd see it.

What? What is that you say? How exactly do these smudges work? I'd like to think my ignorance was charming.

But I was genuinely confused. I had never seen such a thing. Even growing up in Georgia, in the deep south where religion sits on the skin, I'd never seen it before.

"Oh I see, so it's only Catholics that do this??" I'd say after being told by a fellow student who I had irked. To this day I still don't know if it's only Catholics.

The misinformation just keeps piling up over the years and I'm reminded of it every Ash Wednesday. It also highlights the importance or lack thereof, I place in finding out about such, as I continue to remain clueless.

So I continue to stare.

This morning I couldn't help myself from staring/not staring at these people's foreheads while the train abruptly rocked my body back and forth.

I've been staring/not staring all day.

I mean, I dunno. Could I be missing out on something? I couldn't tell you how many times today I questioned my own religious beliefs and spirituality. And what the hell is spirituality anyway? That's another topic for another day that's not Wednesday.

Again, I don't know, but staring at people's foreheads all day kinda does something to you. It's like you're seeing people who you see every day but they're part of this larger club that you had no clue about. And you're also not in.

I didn't know so many people were Catholic, (If it is indeed a Catholic thing...)

I know, I know.

My ignorance is frightening.

I never thought about hell so much, except for on Ash Wednesdays. Should I have a smudge on my forehead too? I can't help but think I'm destined for hell by not having one. I mean look at all these people. Do they know something I don't? Of course they do. I guess I should ask somebody but my timidness to sound like a dumbass stops me. (This is a good trait to have).

I mean even now, as I type this, I could easily look up the meaning of Ash Wednesday on the interwebs....but I don't. And I think herein lies the problem.

Let's suppose having this ash print on my forehead is a clear path to my salvation. Eternal life and high fives with Jesus for the rest of modern time and all of time as we know it.

Shouldn't that prompt my asking around? Wouldn't I wanna find out what I'm missing out on. I think my laziness and, "Let the chips fall where they may" attitude, have doomed me to an eternal damnation.

That by the way, the "let the chips fall" statement----that's something I googled.