I spend a lot of time examining the things that hang on my walls. The pieces of art, the old play programs, and movie posters keep me company most days.
I go to college with thousands of other students but leave without a friend beyond the classroom. I enjoy my classmates. We get along great and I value our conversations, but I can never bring myself to push beyond that peer-to-peer relationship. Instead, I retreat to my bedroom to be away from the buzz . My Fight Club poster doesn't ask any personal questions and my coat rack never fakes a smile.
Though, the safety of my room can be suffocating at times. My flannel sheets are a little too warm, and the creaking of my wooden floor boards cannot replace conversation.
There are days when I want to deface these surroundings. Tear them apart. The peace and solitude become crippling. The buzz of my heater is excruciating and I am left alone by my own accord.
Although I enjoy being alone, there are days when it is not what I need. What I need is an awkward bathroom conversation or for someone to ask me an inappropriate question about my personal life. I need a nosy stranger to question what my ethnicity is so I can remember my family and why I look the way I do. I need someone to bump into me on the staircase at school and then apologetically touch my shoulder before rushing to class. I need a transaction at 7-Eleven. I need the cashier to tell me how fucked up gas prices are and how the Packers are doing. I need those people. Without them, my life is reduced to objects and small talk with my calendar.