God’s Breath [3]

“Do you think it’s a sin to call it God’s Breath?” He asked her.

“I don’t think so.” She laughed. “But I will tell you when I get to hell.”

Lori closed her eyes.

She waited. That was okay, the wait was worth it. And Lori knew it wouldn’t be long. It wasn’t like the first time she had inhaled God’s Breath. Then, the drug had slammed her within seconds of having entered her lungs, expanding the small air sacs, moving along the highway of capillaries to the pulmonary vein. From there, the drug-rich oxygen moved through the heart—to the brain. Seconds, no, micros-seconds was all it required the first time. Now, each time it takes longer. She didn’t complain, the trade-off meant longer trips, higher highs. Lori hoped the day would come when God’s Breath would take her away and never return her. An everlasting high.

God’s Breath arrived. Everlasting. One of her father’s words. Everlasting life. He that believes… How many times had she heard those words? She was soaring above the stars. So many lights. So, bright. She tried to close her eyes. But she couldn’t. He was in control now. She was falling. Stretching her arms out like the Christ on his cross.

She's  standing on glass. Beneath the glass, came the familiar sound of her father’s voice.

“Lori, it’s your turn, baby.”

She looked down through the glass. Where was he? The glass began to pop. Pop, pop, pop. Black and silver squares formed with each popping sound. It was a chess board. Her father’s chess board.

“Lori!”

The black horse (Lori, it’s a knight, her Daddy scolded her) stood beside her. His breath was warm. Coming rapidly. She looked into the black horse’s eyes… Black horse.

“It’s worse than black horse.” Timothy said. Someone she couldn’t see asked, “What’s black horse?” “Heroin.” Timothy answered the voice. Who was he talking to?

The eyes rolled back into the great horse’s head. They looked like two white balloons. Balloons over-inflated by an over-zealous little girl. The balloon’s skin was too thin. Lori waited for them to explode. She knew they would, they always do. The little girl would cry. “It’s just a balloon. Don’t be such a big baby.” The eyes exploded.

The sky was filled with colorful confetti; floating down, landing in her hair. Thousands of colors. Some had no name. They were so beautiful. She twirled around like a ballerina, staring into the sky, feeling the confetti dance on her cheeks. The only thing missing was the music. Just like that Bohemian Rhapsody blared from unseen celestial speakers—Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? –God’s Breath! Just think of something and it comes. Easy come, easy go. At her feet, the black horse lay dead. Bottomless black holes where the eyes had been. Black holes in a black horse. Little high, little low

The confetti continued to fall. No, it’s not confetti. It just colors. Colors falling from the black sky. Lori ran her hands through her hair, feeling the confetti…the colors. She looked at her hands. Through her hands. They were transparent. The skin was too thin. She saw the colors through her hands. No. In her hands. The colors were in her hands. Filling them. Over-inflating her hands. The skin is too thin!

Her hands exploded. More color. Red. Scarlet. “though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow.” Her father was preaching from beneath the glass floor. His words frightened her. She’s too young to hear about sins. Too little to understand the blood that cleanses. He shouldn’t say those words to little kids. She didn’t want to hear him. She put her hands over her ears…where did her hands go?

Lori screamed.