My Truth and My Fear

Although all my friends think I'm a huge romantic, I'm secretly afraid of falling in love. I've seen my father and my mother fight, and argue, and scream till they were breathless and leave each other. I've seen my mother fall in love with someone who we all thought was an okay person, for him to turn into a lazy, drug addicted jerk, who abused animals. After we left, I've seen my sister fall in love with someone who cheated on her every other week, and her become pregnant with his kid, to only turn around and cheat on her with her best friend.

I lost my virginity to a 20 year old my freshman year. I thought I was in love, but he ghosted me for a year, until I was 16, and there was no legal ramifications to dating me. I was just too naïve to think that it would work out. I dated a 20 year old when I was 16 who I've known since my freshman year who seemed like he would treat me right, only for him to guilt trip me into doing what he wanted, and emotionally abused me and threated to 'break down my door.' He broke into my house. Twice.

But now, there is this guy, who treats me amazingly. He so sweet and gentle and I'm so afraid to trust him.

But he's the only person that I want to say 'I love you'. He's the only person I can feel safe enough to sleep beside. He's the only one who I'm able to be vulnerable around.

He's the one who I want to be like this with. And I'm afraid.