One of those days

We're halfway into another one of those days when I'm extremely lightheaded and you stand by to hold me up

When you implode and explode into a million pieces and I make jokes about my own pieces and how it's taken years to pick one of them up and you ask me how i could just stand there holding that piece of me

It's just another one of those afternoons in which you talk so violently about wanting to end your own life that I know you're serious and I wonder if there's anything I can do about it

Because I'm sick in the head, but not like you, I want to die but I don't want to end it, I want to sit through the movie and watch it play out

Well you, you're just too impatient and maybe you should see a doctor for that temperament and how that bipoliarity you talk about is taking over your mind 

But after all, I keep promising to see someone but I never go

We gossip together about who we used to like and how funny it is that everyone thinks we're together when it's not really funny and we're just good friends and it makes me uncomfortable when they say that, but you don't seem to mind

Then we look over across the cafeteria at the person I love now and you give me advice about him and about everything, and it always makes me feel better even though I wish you'd take your own advice for once

It's another one of those days where I wonder just how sick you really are and I wonder what I'd do if you acted upon all your desires and ended it

I wonder if you'd even consider me when you did it, who you'd be leaving behind

I know I'd consider you, but I can't get inside your head

You try your best to get inside mine

To help me and hold me up as I'm falling but we're both falling, two dominoes that are doomed to Hell and laugh as they feel the fire licking against their backs and say they're fine 

Because it's just another one of those days, and God I can't wait to sink into my bed again and push these thoughts away