First...

I woke whilst it was still dark. My heart is racing as if something woke me. My whole body is covered in sweat and I feel out of breath. I don't move but just listen. What's happening?

I pay attention to whatever I can in the pitch black. I'm on a bed, and my muscles tingle in a strangely nice way.

One of my hands are at my chest, just resting there in a comfortable position.  The other is pressed against my private place. My hand sticky.

Oh no! I haven't.  I couldn't have. I've never done that before.  That's why my body feels like that. My heart hammering.  The sweat. The tingling.

What's wrong with me? I'm sinning.  I can't want these things.

I throw myself up the bed. Slamming my hand onto the bedspread beside me.

I feel my throat tighten and my eyes water when the darkness speaks.

"Realised what you did now love?" Oh God. He was here. He's seen.

The lamp from the corner switches on. The dim glow spreading through the room and lighting him up. He looks so angry. Has he been sitting in the dark? Waiting.  Watching.

"Jake, please."

"Jake, please...," he mimics me in a false sensual voice. "Are you about to beg me again? At least you realise what a true whore you are now."

He stands up and walks to the edge of the bed. He wears nothing but denim jeans,  slung low on his waist.

I look at him and watch as he slowly moves his hand up towards his face. Then points one long finger to his mouth. "Kiss me." he says, his voice dark.

I shake my head. "No." I whisper.

Before I can get out of the way, his hand has come down hard. The slap hits my cheek leaving a painful sting and knocking me onto my side.

He crouches now. "Kiss me."

I slowly lean towards him, fear making my mind up. He watches me closely. I look into his eyes for some kind of comfort.  I find none.

I press my lips against his in an attempt to please him. When I pull back,  I look at him to see him look at the ground his chest heaving with heavy breath.

Then as quick as lightening he swings his arm, the back of his hand strikes me on the same cheek and knocks me to floor. My head bounces on the brown carpet,  and as my tears fall I begin to push myself back up. I don't have chance, his hand is suddenly in my hair and with a powerful grip he pulls me up to my knees.

I cry...

I can't hold it in any longer.  It's not even the violence he's inflicted against my body that sets my tears off. It's the confusion.  The sickness.  I can't want the things my body wants. I just can't.

"Please Jake. I'm sorry,  I'm s- so sorry. I didn't mean it. I don't know -"

"Sssh, I know. I know." he gently swipes the tears away, and pulls me into a tight embrace.  His hand buried in the back of my hair.

"If I kiss you,  will you stop? If I kiss you the right way?"

He pulls away and looks at me properly. His eyes are already dark. He's already excited. "Yes. Just one taste. One taste and I'll stop."

I struggle to my feet.  And then he stands in front of me. I forgot about the difference in height. I stand on tip toes, and reaching up I wrap a hand around the back of his neck and pull him toward me.

Then gently, I kiss him. Pressing our lips together, I slowly move mine over his. At first he stays still, letting me test myself.  Then he joins me. He keeps my pace, slow and gentle.

I gasp when he licks my lower lip. My body must like that. The gasp does something.  It breaks the spell.

He used my gasp as an invitation to my mouth, sliding his tongue in he devours me. He pulls my body against his in a rough hold and moves with me until I'm against the door.  He bites my lip hard before moving down my neck, sucking and biting.

While sliding his hands down the sides of my body, he uses the tip of his tongue to circle my ear. Stop! I mentally shout. STOP! But the word stays stuck in my throat.  The sound leaving me, a strangled moan.

He takes the sound as encouragement. Grabbing both sides of the split in the dress he pulls, tearing the fabric into two. An animalistic groan only making my heart beat faster.

Throwing the purple material to the floor he shoves me down. I fall onto my knees just in front of the bed and before I can right myself he's behind me.

He presses my head into the mattress and spreads my knees. I realise I can in no way move in this position. 

Keeping one hand pressed against my head he uses the other to tightly grip onto my hip. Then he slams into me...