Goodbye

Who said that dreams don't come true? If I saw such a man I would tell him they do come true. Another question is what happens after.

When I was 14 I discovered a new talent in myself. I began writing poems. Most of them were dedicated to love, the feeling I hadn't come across with before. I dreamed about pure and never ending feeling which united people and stopped wars. I hoped love expected me in the nearest time, but during next two years nothing changed. I was 16, didn't have a boyfriend and didn't at least like anyone. Besides, I felt a bit tired of myself and dozens of my lyrical poems which came out of me even when I didn't want to write. My parents often told me, "Jin, you should publish your poems in a local newspaper". I used to read this newspaper. One page in it was dedicated to poetry, and many people sent there their poems. I could send my ones too, but I didn't want anyone to read the poems about love written by the author who didn't know what it was.

When you're at high school and don't have a boyfriend everybody looks at you with the shade of sympathy. All of my friends among girls had boyfriends; they always discussed them and compassionately looked at me as I had nothing to tell about. Maybe, that's why I was afraid of a new school year. However, it began. On the second day of classes there appeared a newcomer in our school. He was a sportsman and a handsome. His name was Laurie.

After a couple of days all girls talked only about him. Firstly, I didn't understand why they were so excited. One day we had sports competition at the school stadium. I was a spectator, and Laurie was a participant. He took part in several kinds of competition. On that day I fell for him. During all day I looked only at him. His big blue eyes, his black thick hair, his dazzling smile, his shoulders, his white T-shirt which emphasized his muscles made me go mad.

I didn't tell anyone I liked Laurie. In about two months girls stopped talking about him very often. I thought it would let me feel better but no. The feelings for him burnt me from the inside. I tried to write poems to get rid of this, but poems turned terrible. A filled-in notebook with poems was thrown to a trash can. It became unbearable, and I decided to open my secret. If anyone deserved to know about my feelings it was only the person who caused them.

I picked up all my courage and came to Laurie in the hall after classes.

– Hi, – said I.

– Hi. What's up? Who are you?

– My name is Jin. We kinda study together.

– Ok.

– I wanted to tell you something. I… well, it's… I like you.

– Thanks. Many people tell me they like me. What is your problem? You wanna get an invitation to my home party on Friday?

– No, it's not what I mean. I mean I like you a lot, really a lot. I liked you since you came to our school. I go crazy when…

– Stop! I got what you're trying to say. Sorry, baby, you're kinda not my… type. And I already have a girlfriend.

He looked at me as I were contemptible and left.

I expected it would be difficult for me to go to school after that, but I didn't know it would be so bad. My school turned to the worst nightmare. Laurie told his friends about me, and in a short time everyone knew. They laughed at me and called me 'Crazy-in-love'. My school friends left me alone in this fight, they didn't want to be seen near the loser. I hoped this story would be soon forgotten, but no one forgot. Every day there appeared someone who reminded it.

I felt bad. But my poems were good. All of them were about broken love, lost happiness, betrayal and loneliness. They were a bit depressive, but I still knew they were good. One day I discovered that the word 'BAD' could be the abbreviation for 'Broken, Angry, Disappointed'. These words exactly described what I felt. I understood it was the high time to do something and get free from this depression.

I made a compilation of all my poems and printed it. Then I went to the editorial office of the local newspaper and asked for someone I could discuss my poetry with. The editor's assistant Mr. Jackson met me and evaluated my poems. He said they were very good for a 16 year old girl. But he explained they were getting poems from many people, that's why they couldn't publish more than one poem of mine in one issue. He offered me other opportunity according to which he would keep my poems and publish them one by one in every newspaper issue or from time to time. I agreed. Then Mr. Jackson asked me whether I wanted to use my real name.

– No way! – exclaimed I. – I'll use a pseudonym.

– What is your pseudonym?

– DAB. With 'a' in the middle and all letters capital.

– Ok, – agreed he and asked me to leave him my home phone number in case of some questions.

I told my parents there were my poems in the local newspaper only after a third poem was published. They said I did the right thing. I thought the same. Waiting for the next poem to come out I didn't pay attention to mockery at school.

Once in the evening our home phone rang. Mom picked it up and then said:

– Honey, it's Mr. Jackson from the newspaper. He wants to talk to you.

I took the phone. Mr. Jackson wanted me to come to his office tomorrow. I asked him what for, but he answered it would be a surprise. The next day I went there. When I entered his cabinet I noticed two young men talking to Mr. Jackson.

– Here she is, – said he when saw me.

– You didn't tell us it's a girl! – said one of these men staring at me.

Mr. Jackson introduced them to me. Their names were Ash and Nick. I also said my name.

– I'll leave you alone, I have a job to do, – smiled Mr. Jackson and went away.

– So, Jin. You probably wonder what we want from you, – said Ash.

I nodded. Ash and Nick told me they were musicians. They both could play guitar and sing. They performed at the stage and sang famous hits. Lately they had an idea to create their own band and began performing their songs. The problem was that though they wrote music neither of them could write nice lyrics. Nick used to read some of my poems in the newspaper and showed them to Ash. They both liked my poetry and decided to find the author.

– Why you were so surprised I'm a girl? – asked I.

– Mr. Jackson didn't tell us much about you. He only said the author is young, – answered Ash. – But you look even younger than we expected.

– You don't look very adult too, – emphasized I. – How old are you?

– I'm 22, – said Nick.

– 21, – said Ash. – Nick is kinda my elder brother.

– Elder? I'm only one year older than you!

– It means you'll become a decrepit old man one year earlier than me!

Ash made several steps showing an elderly man with shaking hands and bulging eyes. It was so funny that I couldn't help but laughed. They looked at me, and Ash told Nick:

– I think she'll be a good lyricist for us. At least, she's got a good sense of humor.

– So, will you work with us? – asked Nick.

– Yes, – smiled I.

I didn't think this answer would turn all my life upside down. And my life didn't change at once. This process wasn't fast and easy. First songs we wrote together were poor. Later on we found a couple of matching rhymes and accords. The work began going faster. I tried to remake some of my old poems to make them go with the music written by Ash and Nick. This was how we got several fine songs. I didn't try to evaluate the amount of time I was devoting for this, but I should admit I had almost no rest just like the guys. Ash and Nick worked hard, thanks to what they were included in the list of performers for City Day concert and enjoyed a great success among city dwellers. Before that concert they decided not to be just two guitarists but a music band. They chose the name 'Green River' and performed as a band. In some time they became very popular in the city. They were often invited to participate in different programs on the local TV and radio station. By the way, they always took me with them and mentioned I was their lyricist and friend. It was very important for me they did so.

When I turned 17 I suddenly realized all things around me changed. In the morning at school almost everyone wished me 'happy birthday'. People I didn't know spoke to me and expressed how they liked my lyrics. Laurie was staring at me while I was talking to others, but didn't come up. In the evening Ash and Nick came to my home to congratulate me and stated they had a surprise for me. They asked my parents to let me go with them to a night club promising to bring me back in two hours. Mom and Dad didn't mind. When we arrived to the club I learned that tonight there would be Green River's performance. Nick and Ash came up to the stage. Nick took a microphone and declared:

– We would like to devote tonight's performance to the person who means a lot for us, our friend, our soul mate, the author of all words in our songs… Jin! Jin, will you come here for a second?

I joined the guys at the stage and smiled. Everyone applauded. They made a splendid surprise for me. But in that evening another surprise also waited for me. When I came back down I suddenly met Laurie in the crowd. He asked me to go with him. We found the least noisy place, and I asked what he wanted.

– Jin, I understood something. I made a mistake when I rejected you. I know it took too much time for me to get it. I apologize for my behavior then. You're alone now, aren't you?

I kept silence. He went on:

– I hope you still like me. Because I do like you. Jin, will you be my girlfriend?

– No, – replied I and passed to the stage's direction.

I didn't want to believe Laurie had really changed though he was right I still liked him.

After than night in the club Laurie began practically following me. Every week he left some flowers or chocolate at my table at the classroom. He opened doors in front of me, helped me to close the locker or to carry the tray in the canteen and told all his friends I was the girl of his dreams. Once he held kinda show: he stood on a table singing a Green River's song. Finished Laurie asked me again whether I would be his girlfriend. I thought to give him a chance and agreed. He looked very happy with my answer.

We had been dating about a month. It was a bit complicated to find time both for my new boyfriend and my lyrics, but I managed somehow. It was strange, but I didn't feel so overwhelming about being in love as I used to suppose before. Ash and Nick offered me to be their band manager; they needed someone like that because they were going on tour to 8 cities in the area. I realized I would have to leave Laurie for a while, but I couldn't disappoint my best friends so I joined them in this tour.

The tour was fantastic. Green River's performance was a success everywhere. We had much fun during this trip. Unfortunately, we had to come back earlier than we planned. On the way to the last destination Nick accidentally got his right hand broken. Going back I decided not to call Laurie to make a surprise for him.

My parents were glad to see me home earlier than expected. One whole day I stayed home having rest after the trip. On the next day I went to school. Entering the hall I instantly noticed Laurie and what I saw shocked me. He was kissing Vanessa, a girl who used to be my friend before. I felt as anger was revolving around my mind making me mad. When I approached they stopped kissing and turned to me. They looked surprised to see me. I reckon they were shocked even more than I.

– Congratulations! – began I. – I'm proud of you, Vanessa. While I was away you turned to be so nice to take care of my boyfriend. Well, I wish you to be happy in love. And you too.

I turned to Laurie and slapped him in the face.

– Remember me! You'll never have a girl like me by your side. Goodbye.

On that day I ran away from school and went to Nick's home. I didn't cry while I was in school not to let anyone see my tears, but on the way to Nick I couldn't help myself. That's why when I entered Nick and Ash who also was there at once got something had happened. I described what I had come across with. They sympathized and calmed me, and then made me watch some stand-up comedy show with them.

This event changed something in me, but I wouldn't say it was a bad change. I felt I became stronger. Even seeing Laurie's face in school didn't bother me. I didn't care anymore. The only thing which was important for me was my poetry. I realized when I wrote about some feelings I didn't need a person who made me feel it. It didn't matter whether there was someone or not. I felt what I felt.

In several months Green River became even more popular. It was a great pleasure for me to realize I was a significant part of their success. I had to switch to home education because we traveled a lot. One day between tours I noticed Laurie in a store. He didn't see me. I looked at him and couldn't believe I used to like him. I definitely didn't regret saying goodbye to him. I finally realized I had the right to write poems about love because my true love always stayed with me and never betrayed me. It was writing.

Now I know my life is marvelous. I'm very happy to be where I am. I have my parents who always support me. I have my friends Ash and Nick who make my life diverse and cheerful. And I still have my poetry.