I was angry with my 15-year-old daughter Hayley because I had seen several pictures with her on Facebook, and she was drunk there, and hugging a guy who definitely seemed to be much older than she. I was angry with myself that I had let her go this party, but I also was somewhat thankful to her.

I must admit I don't like the Internet very much, and I can't call myself a constant Facebook user. I would even say I was a rare guest there, I hadn't seen my page for months. But my wife is keen on such social sites as Facebook, and it was her who told me to log in and look at the photos on Hayley's timeline. Thanks to that I found out that my old friend, Diego, who I hadn't seen for almost 20 years, sent me a friend request and left a message. I wrote a reply, and then I looked at those pictures of Hayley and came to her room. I sat on the bed near her.

“Explain yourself.”

“Dad, I wasn't drunk as mom told you. We were just having a lot of fun there.”

“Okay, let's pretend I believe you weren't so drunk. But what will you say about the guy on the pictures with you? He must be at least ten years older. What was he doing at a teenagers' party? And why he hugged you?”

“I don't know him. He's a friend of Madison. I don't even know his name. Madison brought a camera and took pictures of everyone there. She asked us to get closer to each other because we didn't fit the frame, and he hugged me.”

Hayley stopped talking. I kept silence. In a while she told,

“Seriously, there is nothing to worry about. I don't drink alcohol, and I don't have a boyfriend. If he appears, you'll be the first to know about it. I didn't want you to be upset because of me, sorry.”

“Then why you posted these pictures to Facebook?”

“I didn't post them! Haven't you seen the name of the sender?”

“No, I didn't pay attention to it.”

“It wasn't me! It was Madison!”

“Wait, which Madison are you talking of? That Madison who began dating your childhood friend Kyle to make you angry only because you didn't congratulate her on her birthday? That Madison who copied your answers for the test and then complained to the teacher you had the right answers on your phone? It was good the teacher took care of it and understood it was impossible or you would have to write that test again.”

“Yes, it was that Madison.”

“And you still party with her? After everything she'd done to you?” I exclaimed.

“Well, she doesn't date Kyle anymore. And she apologized for that case with the test.”

“But now she posted these pictures to Facebook without your permission, right?”

“Yeah. I even didn't know she'd done it until mom noticed them. I have to accept Madison the way she is. But for her I don't have other friends.”

“You don't have to accept anyone you don't really like. Madison is not your friend, she's using you.”

“You mean it's better to be alone?”

“If your friends aren't true friends, yes, it is.”

“Okay, I have to agree with you, Madison is not a true friend for me. But how am I supposed to understand if someone is my true friend?”

“You'll feel it. True friendship is about helping and supporting each other, being honest and keeping common secrets. A true friend wouldn't complain about you or post your pictures to Facebook without asking.”

“Do you have such friends?”

“Yes. I have 5 amazing friends.”

“But I've never seen any of your friends!”

“Frankly speaking, I haven't met them for a long time, for almost 20 years.”

“20 years? Well, maybe, they are not your friends anymore.”

“Oh, darling. True friendship is an unbreakable thing. It doesn't matter for how much time you haven't seen your friends. 10, 20, 30, 50, even 100 years – and they still will be your friends. Surely, if they live for 100 years. And you are lucky because you can witness true friendship exists.”

“How?”

“I'll show you. One of my old friends, Diego, found me on Facebook and invited to a meeting. I was the last one to read his message and reply ‘I'll come’. All of us, six best friends, will be there. We'll meet on next weekend, and I'd like to take you there. What do you think?”

“I'll go with you.”

“Okay.”

I was going out of Hayley's room but she stopped me with a question.

“And you won't punish me for those pictures?”

“I totally forgot it. You won't attend any party until the meeting with my friends. After that you will decide whether to party with Madison again.”

“What a terrible punishment!” Hayley smiled. “I wasn't going to any party in the nearest time anyway.”

On that day we didn't talk more about my friends, but two days later Hayley came to me when I was watching TV and asked,

“Tell me about your friends.”

When I looked at her she added,

“I'll come to the meeting with you and see 5 adult people who are strangers to me. You know everything about them, but I don't even know their names.”

“I got you.”

I turned off TV and began telling my story.

“As I already told you there were 6 of us: Tom, Diego, Tina, Sharon, Jason, and I, Sam. We were young, cheerful, and ambitious and felt like the whole world was open for us.

Tom studied at the same university as me, but at another faculty. He was going to become an engineer. He was a nice guy, honest, open-minded and very easy to talk to. His parents had a farm and lived far from the university. They hardly could pay for Tom's study that's why Tom had to work a lot. He used to work at the university's laboratory, and they decreased the sum he had to pay. At nights he worked at different clubs as a barman that's why he didn't party often. But when he did it together with Diego they rocked.

Diego was Tom's best friend. I mean we all were good friends, but Diego and Tom were the closest friends for each other. It's difficult to say what they had in common because Diego was absolutely crazy. He quarreled with his parents and came here from Mexico to start a new life. He had only his passport and a block of cigarettes. But he found a job of a driver soon and began saving money for his own business. He wasn't good at it because he liked to party a lot and often changed his girlfriends. Diego was a bit haughty, but kind and funny; he liked making practical jokes and eating ice-cream.

The victim of Diego's jokes often turned to be Sharon. She always went mad because of it. Sharon was a stylish and beautiful brunette just like the ones on magazines' covers. She could have become a model, but chose to be an actress like her mother. Actually, her mother had earned a lot of money and offered Sharon to live on them, but Sharon decided to make her own money. She was an obstinate, resolute and fearless girl.

Sharon's best friend was Tina, an immigrant from Lithuania. She was modest but purposeful. She won a scholarship and entered university to become a lawyer. Tina and Sharon were different, but I had never seen girls who could be such good friends as they were. They always helped and defended each other. Sharon took Tina's side when Tina was too shy to stand for something, and Tina helped Sharon to look into a new acting contract. Tina always kept her promises and respected others' points of view.

And, finally, Jason. Jason dreamed to be a police officer like his father. Jason wasn't very talkative, and firstly we thought his father perished or something like that because he didn't speak much about him. But later Jason told us his father left them to marry other woman. Jason didn't like to talk of himself; he preferred to listen to us. But there was one topic which could make him talk for hours. It was weapons, he admired it a lot. Jason looked dull, but we knew he was very emotional inside. One day we learned by chance he was writing poems.

Here it is. This is what my friends were like.”

“According to your story they were very different. I don't get what you all had in common,” Hayley said.

“Did I forget to tell? Seems so. Although we were not similar to one another, we were addicted to one game, billiards. We met for the first time when playing it. Billiards united us, but later we noticed we were more than just hobby sharers. We were like a family.”

“Cool!”

Hayley left. I went to the kitchen to cook something for dinner. In a couple of minutes Hayley appeared there and asked,

“So, if you were such good friends, why you haven't met for years?”

I sighed.

“Life is complicated. Diego had to leave for Mexico because of some problems in his family. A bit later Sharon got a good offer from Hollywood and went there. She promised to come back after shooting was over, but then she got another offer and stayed there. Jason was found by his father, and he moved to him to other state. There were left Tom, Tina and I. At that time I got married, and your mother wished to live in suburbs, so we moved here. Tom had my phone number, he called me sometimes, and I also called him. Soon I learned from him that Tina's brother from Lithuania immigrated to Canada. Tina went to visit him, and stayed there as they launched a small business. Tom was left alone. We were calling each other for several years, but one day I dialed his number and heard this number didn't exist anymore. I suppose he also moved somewhere.”

“What a pity! You must be missing them so much.”

“I do sometimes. But I always knew I got true friends. I'm happier than most people around who only pretend they have friends. But if something happens to them they are usually left alone without any help because those friends were fake like your so-called 'friend' Madison.”

On the next week my daughter Hayley finally met my friends. We all met at a pizzeria. I introduced my friends to Hayley, and introduced her to them. We were eating and talking. Everyone changed a lot during these 20 years.

Most of all I was surprised by Jason. He became the head of Drug Enforcement Department, married for a second time and seemed to be a brand new Jason. He talked a lot, was active and emotional. There was left only his favorite topic from old Jason, weapons.

Tina told she returned from Canada in a couple of years because the business she had started with her brother wasn't a success. Tina found a job as a lawyer, got married and had two children.

Diego surprised all of us. We didn't think he would ever have his own family, but he married his childhood girlfriend from Mexico, and they had five children. They used to live in Mexico, but a couple of months ago Diego's family moved here. As he used to dream he had a business connected with car sales.

Sharon had to give up her career as an actress because her rich boyfriend didn't like it. They got married but divorced in some time. Sharon tried to return to her old profession, but it wasn't easy, so she became a scenario. She used to be alone for a long time, and then she adopted a girl from Africa.

Tom moved to suburbs not far from me. Unfortunately, he lost my phone number while transporting all stuff that's why he couldn't call. He used to work as an engineer, later he acquired a profession of a computer technician. Tom with two his colleagues organized a firm repairing computers. He got married only four years ago to a woman who already had two own children and one adopted.

I had to tell about my life too. I told how I got married and moved to suburbs, how I replaced a job of a journalist with a position of an English teacher at school and that Hayley was my only daughter. By the way, she had a lot of fun among my friends. I knew she liked them, and they also liked her.

After pizzeria we went to play billiards. My girl turned to be a good player. Together with her we won against Tom and Sharon. We drank a bit. Everyone would have to drive home, that's why we didn't drink more. Even Diego who used to drive drunk in the past didn't exceed permitted amount.

We spent a great time together. At the end we shared with one another our phone numbers and agreed to meet at least two times a year, on Christmas Day and Independence Day.

On the way home Hayley said,

“I've never seen you so happy, dad.”

“Me too,” I smiled. “Where did you learn to play billiards?”

“Well… Madison's friend, that guy from the pictures on Facebook, works at a bar with billiards. The bar opens in the evening and works all night. But that guy lets us in after school when there's no one inside. I went to play billiards with Madison for many times.”

“I don't like it. Don't go with Madison anymore. Who knows what for this man lets you in.”

“You're saying I won't play billiards?”

“I didn't say that. You'll go with me in the evening. You're good, but there are some tricks I need to teach you. Maybe, we'll even buy a billiard table one day and put in the sitting room. Deal?”

“Deal!” Hayley merrily replied.

I was happy she met my friends and saw there can be other relationships between people than her friendship with Madison.

I must admit Hayley changed a lot after the meeting with my friends. She didn't party with Madison and paid more attention to other classmates. As I promised I took her to the bar to play billiards with me. The wife was against it, but Hayley and I didn't listen to her.

Diego invited all friends with their families to his house for Christmas. He had a large house with a spacious sitting room and a children room with a playground in it. We were glad to know his family. His wife Angelica was a pleasant woman; she smiled all the time but looked a bit disheveled. I thought it was because of small children in the house: their youngest son Peter was 4, his sisters Amelia and Bianca were 7 and 11. Two eldest children, Dominic and Carlos, were 16 and 18. Hayley at once found a common language with them and with Tina's 16 year old son Robin. Even my wife who didn't like crowded and noisy places looked satisfied. All dishes were delicious. Diego told us Angelica was a hereditary cook and worked as a head-cook in a Mexican restaurant. My wife asked her for some good recipes, and they discussed it for long. On the whole, we all loved Christmas at Diego's. Tina said she would like to see everyone at her home on Christmas next year.

About two months later Sharon called me and asked for a meeting, added it was important. When I arrived all my friends, but for Diego, were already there. I looked at their faces and asked,

“What happened?”

“Diego needs our help,” Sharon answered. “He would never ask for it that's why he didn't come today but I'm sure he needs us. His son Carlos was taken as a hostage two weeks ago.”

“Why you didn't tell us earlier?” Tom asked.

“I didn't know. Diego wouldn't probably tell us about it even if we asked, but Angelica called me today in the morning. She cried and asked for help.”

“They should call police,” Jason said.

“They can't. If they call Carlos will be killed. They want a huge ransom. Diego is trying to find the money,” Sharon explained.

“I got it,” Jason replied. “What do we know about the kidnappers?”

“They said Carlos owes them much money. He took drugs from them and didn't pay. They gave Diego 5 days to find the money.”

“When did they call and how often they do it?”

“For the first time they called last week, scared Angelica and didn't ask for anything. Two days later they called again and named the sum they want. Since then they call every day, let Diego talk to his son for a minute and remind about money.”

“Do you know where he was kidnapped?”

“At school.”

“I have a plan,” Jason said. “If we all work together we'll help Diego. Firstly, we need to know more about the kidnappers. Sam, can you talk to Carlos's classmates?”

“Sure, I'll talk to them,” I replied.

“I can talk to Diego,” Tina offered.

“It's a good idea. He should accept our help as he is the main part of the plan. We gonna need a lot of fake money. Tom, I'm sure you can handle it. Just make copies on your computer. Sharon will work with you. Everyone including me has a lot to do. Let's get started.”

We all immediately left and began doing our tasks. I talked to the schoolmates of Carlos and successfully found two witnesses. I told Jason all I had heard from them. He unofficially involved his friends among colleagues. Tina talked to Diego, and he accepted Jason's plan. Tom and Sharon made tons of fake money.

According to the plan of Jason Diego met the kidnappers and gave them the bag with the fake money. After Diego got back his son and went away from there, Jason with his colleagues caught the kidnappers. Fortunately, Carlos stayed alive after this incident, but his condition was bad because he was kept in a damp basement. Diego brought him to the hospital. During two weeks we all visited Carlos and supported Diego. I often took Hayley with me when going to the hospital because she wanted to visit Carlos too. Carlos apologized to his father and promised he would never get involved in drugs again.

When Independence Day came Tom, Diego, Sharon, Tina, Jason and I met at my place. My house wasn't enough to hold my five friends with their families, that's why we celebrated in the backyard which was pretty big. It was a great party with many hotdogs and much popcorn, music of our youth, sweet memories, the feeling of freedom and with the billiards I actually bought as I had promised Hayley.

Next morning after the party Hayley came to talk to me.

“Morning, dad.”

“Morning.”

“You know after the incident with Carlos I saw what true friends are like. All of the people I used to call my friends wouldn't help me if I needed them. Before I didn't believe friends can remain friends if they don't meet for 20 years. But recently I have understood a lot. And my opinion about friendship is different now.”

“I'm happy you got everything,” I smiled.

“I guess I already have two true friends.”

“Even two? Are they from your school?”

“No. The first one is you, dad.”

I was surprised to hear that from my girl. But it was a big pleasure for me to know she considered me her friend.

“Who's the second?” I asked.

“Robin.”

“Robin? Tina's son?”

“Yes.”

“When did you two manage to become friends?”

“When we used to visit Carlos in the hospital. It turned out we have much in common. And he is definitely not such a friend who may complain about me or date my old acquaintances. What do you think?”

“I don't know. I can't say anything now. We'll see what will come out of this friendship.”

“Ok. May I go with him to movie today?”

“I can't forbid it; you behaved well for a long time. But I guess I won't be able to drive you to the city, I have some things to do today.”

“It's fine. Robin will pick me up and bring home after the movie.”

“Alright then.”

I don't know whether Hayley's friendship with Robin will last for long. But I exactly know what I wish for my girl. I wish her to have such friends as I've got. I want somebody to support her in a difficult time and be by her side when she needs it. And even if her friends aren't near on some reasons she'll feel their presence, because true friendship doesn’t have any boundaries.

Title: Six Friends

Genre: Short Story

Age Range: 15-65

Word Count: 3508

Author Name: Tatiana Shevtsova

My bio: A university graduate from Minsk, Belarus. Tatiana has been writing poems and short stories since childhood, with some of them winning local writing competitions. She is currently employed in other sphere, but dreams of a day when she can dedicate her whole life to writing. 

Why my project is a good fit: It's a sincere and kind story about true friendship that can touch people's hearts.

This day could've been the best day in my life, you know. It began with a scarlet sunset, which I managed not to miss this time. I woke up at 5 in the morning only to see the sun rising up. And I saw it. And it was a beautiful illusion.

My illusions have served me for many years. Yet, there were days when they disappointed me a lot. But I was always strong enough to compose myself even after I was broken into pieces. Yeah, that's me. I'm strong. I believe I can handle everything. Any trouble. Any task. Any challenge. I'm not afraid.

I have got, however, only one weakness. People. People that I love. It feels like they have an unlimited access to the deepest caves of my heart, where no one else is allowed. And, important to mention, no one else is welcomed.

Whatever breakdown I have gone through has contributed to my mental growth in some way. There have been situations when I thought I'll never get up from my knees again, I'll live the rest of my life staying down and realizing I'm miserable and completely useless. There have been people trying to tell me what to do, trying to assure me I was someone else, not myself, and belonged to somewhere else. I listened to them. I listen carefully to everyone. But I make my own conclusions, which I never open to others. I make them for myself because I am assured that myself is the only person who actually needs to know them.

I made a promise to myself to be strong, to withstand anything, to be myself and to be with myself all the time. I do my best to keep it every day. Not every day I succeed. But I bet that what I'll say now is true: being strong is not about being confident and winning all the time; it's about having your ups and downs, but struggling to get up every time you fall down.

I owe myself. I owe that person in the past who felt so lonely and so helpless, but gained strength and went ahead to bring me to the present time with everything I have. I might have never been where I am now, if that person I used to be in the past hadn't made a decision to become better. And today, have gone so far, it would be a real shame to give up on my dreams and aims. It would be just unfair to myself in the past.

Once I have read an amazing statement: When life puts you in tough situations, don't say 'Why me?', just say 'Try me'. That is what I do. I say 'Try me' to life. It beats me - I get up. It hurts me - I keep going on. It disappoints me - I don't care. It breaks my illusions - whatever. It exceeds - so do I.

You know why I told I saw an illusion of rising sun in the morning? It was raining, to be honest. I saw the sun rising up and shining inside of me. This is who I am - I see what I want. I see it in me. And every day I decide to be the best day is the best because of a single reason - I called it the best.

So, this is a manifest. I won't give up. I'll go ahead. I'll go there my way. I'll go no matter what.

I appeared around midday. I think it was 11 am. At first, I couldn't realize what I was doing here. But as I turned my head, I saw her, the girl lying in bed. And I remembered that I've met her before. I used to help her not once. Yes, it definitely was her.

So, she was in bed, already awake. I approached her and gently touched her hair. And when I got so close I heard someone speaking,

"Good morning, sunshine!"

Oh, dear, I recognize that voice! This was The Pain talking to her. It said

"What a lovely day, ha? It's weekend, and I will make you spend whole of this beautiful snowy Saturday lying in bed. Come on, it's gonna be a lot of fun with me! Cheer up! You are supposed to rest all day long. Don't you dare think you can stand up from the bed. I will grow heavier and heavier to make sure you can't do it. And no more sleep, no, no. Not when I'm here. I won't let you sleep while I'm here"

These words of The Pain got deep into my heart. It planned to torture my girl for the whole day, and I couldn't let this happen. I felt like it was my prior duty to take care of her since there was no one else who would do it.

I saw The Pain was attacking her in such a severe way that she could barely move. It took her almost an hour of fighting before she attempted to get up. I took her hand and supported her while she walked to a bathroom. Then we slowly walked to the kitchen, where I opened the fridge for her. I felt so sorry watching her hungry eyes looking for something ready to eat. Sadly, everything we found was a small cheese curd. She ate a half of it followed with some drinks of juice that we took out of the cupboard. Then I made her take a painkiller. She took one and finished the cheese curd.

She went back to her room and turned on her laptop. I could hear what was on her mind,

"I would love to watch yesterday's series now because it's funny; it can distract me from concentrating on pain and raise my mood, perhaps. But I don't wanna watch it without him. I don't really have a will to do alone anything I could've done together with him"

What? What's that? She is thinking about him? Seriously? He's not even here. He didn't even text her to ask if she feels okay. He's gonna go to a party and have fun in the evening while she is dying of pain.

My goodness, how offended I felt. It's me here taking care of her, maybe, not enough, but it's still the best I can. And what she does is thinking about him, not me. Her heart belongs to him, so I will never have a chance to get in there. I disappeared. Just for a few minutes until I calmed down and discovered some genuine feelings inside of me. They have put me back to the room where she was. I overcame that offence for I realized it didn’t matter. She may have a loving family, great friends and gorgeous boyfriend, but none of them was here. She needed help, this very thing she had trouble to ask for, and there was only me by her side. And I didn't care anymore who she was thinking about.

She was standing near the table with her hands on it as it was hard for her to keep balance. She was standing and waiting while another tv series will be completely copied to a USB. Her body was trembling in cold sweat; her hands were shaking; and huge crystal teardrops were rolling down her cheeks. I enveloped her into my arms as tight as I could and whispered in her ear,

"We will master this day, Darling"

I wasn't sure if she heard me, but she raised her head, looked up straight, and we began working together. Thus, we put a pillow to the head of the bed. We made hot tea and brought it to the room. We plugged the USB in the TV set and turned on the first episode. She put herself in bed half-sitting and began having breakfast while watching the series. Her breakfast consisted of chocolate bar, waffles, tea and another painkiller. It wasn't a good breakfast, but it was better than nothing.

She took phone in her hands. Her thoughts were so emotionally loud, it seemed I could even hear them popping up in the air.

"What if I send him a message to tell him I'm so sick? But it's a big question whether I should do it. I've told him yesterday I won't go to the party because I'm afraid I might feel really bad today. Knowing it, he could've wondered if I'm okay or not. He would definitely wonder in case he thought about me, at least for a tiny second. But it seems like he doesn't think of me at all and doesn't want to. Therefore, it makes no sense to bother him with my problems. He'll spend the day riding around some shops or sitting home surfing the Internet. Later on he will go to the party, will drink, eat, and talk. Well, I would never wanna go to a party without him. But he is a different person, not like me. He says he's an introvert, but it seems so easy for him to forget about me and go have fun among dozens of other people. Obviously, they are more significant to him than I am. And he might like spending time with them more than spending it with me, because I'm a walking disaster, a huge collection of various problems. I'm setting him free from me today. I'm not alone. I have The Pain. It's terrible, but it's with me. So, all things set. He got his company, and I got mine. I'm not texting him, no way"

It felt like a dagger plunged into my heart. She put the phone off and tried to watch TV.

A hand of a clock pointed at 2 pm. The Pain lost a half of its strength by this time, but still was there. It was very persistent in its plan to stay with my girl till the end of today. Suddenly her house hostess came in and invited her to have lunch. She got out of bed. Some hot soup with a loaf of bread felt like a rainbow in a rainy day for my weak and hungry girl. She loved it. But I know how confused she felt. When she's okay, looks cheerful and happy, there are people who wanna spend time with her. But when she's sick, a stranger appears to be more caring than anyone else.

Having had lunch, she went back and continued watching TV series. She was occupied with it until an idea of this very story about me slipped in her mind. So, she lay down with the laptop above her body and a pillow under her head, and began writing. I sat beside her and plunged into my own thoughts. I've been thinking how difficult it is to cope with situations like that when you're alone, when you simply don't have enough energy to stand up and walk, when every step, every move, every breath makes The Pain stronger. You're on your own, desperate, not expecting any good to happen. But everything's different when you're together. You start feeling much better with someone being around and encouraging you.

When I reverted to reality, it was 6 pm. She was hungry and made herself another cup of tea. Then she turned TV series on again and decided to clean the laptop's keyboard, because she hasn't done it for… oh, she hasn't done it at all since she bought the laptop. Good girl! It's the first useful thing she was about to do on this Saturday. For sure, she had a bunch of things planned, like going to a food store, for instance, but she didn't feel good enough. At least, she could clean the keyboard. Still better than nothing.

At half past 7 I refused to believe my eyes. She texted him. Why would she do this? I couldn't understand. But she had her reasons. She wanted to ask him to send a message when he gets home. She worried knowing that it would be late night, and he would be going home alone. Probably, it was her mistake to ask him what he was doing at first. Next minute I noticed tears in her eyes.

"He is drinking whiskey. I wish I was doing the same. I've planned to go to a store today and buy a bottle, but I had to give up on the idea of going outside. I feel too weak to go anywhere", thought she.

Then there was one more message saying that he missed her. I could clearly see her hands shaking when she put the phone aside and exclaimed

"Liar!"

What a poor guy! He must have felt so bad at the party without her, because he said he missed her. But wait a minute. Was he bound to something? Stuck in there? Handcuffed? Held by someone? Holy crap, he was totally right! He lied. It's been all day long, and he didn't even text her until she did herself. How can a person miss someone and do nothing about it? Just a beautiful lie.

We watched two more episodes and finished cleaning the keyboard, which turned out to be broken when she put all the keys back and connected it. She wasn't upset about it, as she naturally couldn't be more upset than she already was. She went to have shower.

Midnight. It's been such a long day. She is falling asleep. The Pain has almost completely gone. I am disappearing too. My watch is over for now, but next time she is all alone and needs help, no doubt I'm gonna be there to take care of her.

As I was fading away, I heard her whispering,

"We mastered the day, Angel. We did it together"

I'm not the one I wish I could become

And here is not the place where I belong

I used to be nobody and stayed so

Just someone who is very shy and numb

I'm living with a tiny shade of sadness

Because my dreams don't matter anymore

I dream, but I don't know what for

It's undeniable that I am helpless

I cannot reach my goals and my aims

Maybe, I am not working hard enough

And with myself I must be really tough

Not to make even more silly mistakes

I know it won't be easier for me

If I give up my efforts and my hope

That's why I'm going to extend the scope

It is the only way I'm meant to be

It was approximately 4 years ago. I was 29 at that moment. I worked as a hotel receptionist. The place where the hotel was situated seemed to be as amazing as heaven, so we saw amounts of tourists every year. There were really lots of people from different countries who wanted to spend their vacation on the sea beach. Every day new tourists arrived; I had to register all of them and manage various issues like "why this thing in the room doesn't work", "we want a bigger room", "we need more towels", "where is the best beach for swimming", "where is the best shop selling souvenirs", "have you got a lighter" and so on, and so on. I was so plunged in this mash that I didn't notice anything but my computer at work and my bed when I finally got home tired after one more difficult day.

That summer was very hot, especially in the middle. That was the time when it happened. One day I just raised my eyes from the registration desk and saw her. She came here together with her elder brother. While registering them I found out that her name was Jinnee and she was 21. Her brother's name was Luke and he was 5 years older than Jinnee.

All that night I couldn't sleep 'cause as soon as I closed my eyes I saw her face with a cheerful smile, her dark brown eyes, her delicate pink lips, her perfect figure and her long hair flipping while she was walking. Only God knows how much I wanted to tell her about everything I felt. What I felt was just like somebody filled my heart with love and tender and I couldn't get rid of that.

On the next day I forgot about everything. All my business was to catch Jinnee's look when she was passing by the registration desk. That occupation, actually, really prevented me from the execution of my duties, but I didn't care much. Maybe, because every time Jinnee passed by the registration desk she smiled to me, and that made me happy.

In the evening I realized I couldn't take it any longer. When I saw Jinnee in the hall I came to her and told:

– Jinnee, I fell for you at first sight. I think you're the most beautiful girl in the world. When I see you my heart beats two times faster. You are amazing. I'll be very happy if you can have a walk with me. What do you think?

– I don't know, – she answered and went to her room. I had no idea what she thought about this. When I tried to tell her what I felt she was wearing a pleasant smile, so I couldn't understand whether she liked my words or not. I thought about it all evening after I got home, but the only conclusion I had made was not to give up.

Next day I presented Jinnee a bouquet of flowers when I saw her in the morning. She smiled and said:

– They are beautiful.

– No as beautiful as you are, – I replied and kissed her hand. She smiled and went away. When I saw Jinnee in the hall next time I was going to come to her but she came to the registration desk before I made a step and asked:

– How are you doing here?

– Very well, – I answered surprised at her behavior. – I'm finishing work at 7 p.m. Will you have a walk with me?

– I'm sorry, I can't. My brother and I are going to do some shopping in the evening.

– Ok, – I said and sighed. After that talk I hadn't seen Jinnee for two days. When I finally saw her she came to the registration desk and said:

– Hi!

– Where have you been, Jinnee? I missed you so much.

– I was on some excursions.

– Did you like it?

– Yeah, they were great.

– What are you gonna do today?

– My brother wants to go to the sea beach, and I'll go with him.

– Please, let your brother go alone. Why do you always go with him? Stay here, in the hotel. You know, I'm glad to see you at any time. All I need to feel alive is just to see you. Will you stay here for a while?

– I don't think it's possible. Sorry, – Jinnee said, gave me a quick smile and went to her room. I was disappointed. I didn't know what I did wrong but it was not so important comparing with that I had no idea what Jinnee wanted me to do.

Next day Jinnee passed by the registration desk many times but never smiled or at least looked at me. In the evening when she walked there another time I tried to catch up with her.

– Jinnee, please, wait! – I said. She stopped on the stairs and turned to me. I put my hands around her waist and kissed her lips. The kiss was delightful but it was no longer than five seconds as Jinnee stepped back from me and asked:

– How old are you?

– I am 29, – I answered.

– Have you got a family? A wife? Children?

– I had a wife, but we divorced.

– Children?

– I have son.

– How old is he?

– He is… He must be 4 now.

– So, he doesn't live with you?

– My wife took him and went away.

– And you let her go?

I didn't answer. Jinnee looked at me and went to her room. I didn't know what to tell her. My ex-wife and I… It was a difficult situation. Difficult to resolve and especially difficult to explain to someone else. When we married I was 22. Now I realized I was too young too marry. At that age I didn't understand what it meant to be married, so my first marriage was just a mistake. It was definitely a thing of the past; I hadn't got left any feelings or good memories about it. But I wasn't ready to answer the questions about my family and didn't suppose that Jinnee could ask me anything like that. She took me by surprise, but it wasn't a reason to give up.

I hoped Jinnee would forget our last talk soon and decided to wait for a while. I hadn't said a word to her during the whole day. After my work was finished I came to her room and knocked at the door. She opened it and said:

– Hi. Come in.

– Jinnee, do you like chocolate? – I asked.

– Yes.

– I've brought you some.

I gave her a box with chocolate. She put it on the bedside table, smiled and said:

– Thank you.

I took her hand in my one and kissed her lips. This kiss was a little bit longer than the first one but Jinnee moved away from me again and looked me in the eyes like I was guilty for something. Maybe, I really was. I rushed things too much. I was absolutely sure Jinnee is the girl I had always dreamed of but I didn't know what she felt about me. 

Maybe, she needed some time to adjust but I didn't notice it.

– May I kiss you? – I asked. Jinnee said:

– No. And I think you'd better go.

– Ok, see you tomorrow, Jinnee.

I came out of her room and heard how she locked the door. I really didn't know what to do. I didn't understand why she behaved like that. Whether it was my fault or her doubts soon it became unimportant.

In the afternoon of the next day Jinnee came to the registration desk and said seriously:

– I need to talk to you.

– I'm listening.

– You know, my brother Luke and I haven't got parents. I've got no any relative but my brother. I study at university, and Luke pays for my education. He said to me, "No boyfriends until you get your degree". It's right, I completely agree with him. So, I don't want to have any relationships now, but I really like you, and I would be very happy if we could be friends, – Jinnee smiled and went away.

My heart was broken. I felt like it was stabbed by a thousand knives. I didn't go mad only because I had two days off after that. When I came back to work Jinnee and Luke had already left.

My life returned to its natural, habitual, boring and monotonous way. The only thing which could be called interesting was my memories. Despite Jinnee's words were very painful that didn't make me love her less. Every morning I woke up remembering her face and every night I fell asleep thinking about Jinnee.

I had spent two years in my memories and dreams. All I could notice was my work. It was summer. We had a lot of tourists, as usually. In the middle of July I raised my eyes from the registration desk and saw someone very similar to Jinnee. In a minute I realized everything. My Jinnee! She came back! My Jinnee came back! I ran to her, and she ran toward me. I picked her up in the air and circled until my hands ached. After I put her on the ground, she smiled and said:

– I came back to you.

– My Jinnee! – I whispered and kissed her.

Now we are living together and going to marry soon. I know I'm the happiest man because my fianc;e is the most beautiful girl all over the world. The conclusion I have made after this story had turned my life upside down is not to give up. Not to give up trying, not to give up dreaming, not to give up hoping for the best. Never give up.

I am walking along the road in my new high-heeled boots. With every my step I hear a gritting sound of sand grains crushing to dust under my heels. The sound is awful, but I like it. I like to feel myself strong despite I'm not that strong inside. This is another time when I surrender: I'm going to a date with him. I've made a promise to myself I'll forget, I won't meet him anymore… Well, what can I say? Only mention the fact that my heels are still squeezing sand grains.

I'm hurrying up to catch the bus and to go to the park where we've agreed to meet. It's been almost a year since we broke up. I know he'll be surprised to see me. Not because I've become more beautiful, no. There're not many changes in my appearance: only gym shoes were replaced by high heels and baggy T-shirts were changed to close-fitting tops and blouses, thought jeans remained the same. But he is gonna be overwhelmed. 

Overwhelmed of how adult, self-confident and independent I have become. And also overwhelmed by my apathy to him and his feelings. So, when he asks why I agreed to meet him I'll reply I got tired of his never ending messages and asks which my Facebook account is full of. Although somewhere deep inside I know it's not the reason, I'll never confess to him why I actually decided to come to this date.

I noticed the bus arrived. It took twenty minutes to get to the park. I'm walking along an alley in the park to kill some time. Since childhood I got used to come everywhere in advance. Better a half an hour before than five minutes later – this is my principle. Just like right now: I had ten minutes before the appointed time. And because the person who's supposed to come isn't very punctual I might have to wait another half an hour.

After the walk I sat down a bench waiting. Although I look calm and indifferent on the outside, inside of me everything is turning upside down. It's been almost a year since we broke up. What am I going to feel when I see him again? I don't know, I'm afraid to predict. Well, it should be clear when he comes.

…

I had stayed in the park for two hours. He didn't come. And I think it's not about punctuality at all. It seems he wasn't going to come.

I came back by bus. And here I am, walking on the way home. And again with every my step I hear a gritting sound of sand grains crushing to dust under my heels. I hate that terrible sound! How could I like it before?

Who said that dreams don't come true? If I saw such a man I would tell him they do come true. Another question is what happens after.

When I was 14 I discovered a new talent in myself. I began writing poems. Most of them were dedicated to love, the feeling I hadn't come across with before. I dreamed about pure and never ending feeling which united people and stopped wars. I hoped love expected me in the nearest time, but during next two years nothing changed. I was 16, didn't have a boyfriend and didn't at least like anyone. Besides, I felt a bit tired of myself and dozens of my lyrical poems which came out of me even when I didn't want to write. My parents often told me, "Jin, you should publish your poems in a local newspaper". I used to read this newspaper. One page in it was dedicated to poetry, and many people sent there their poems. I could send my ones too, but I didn't want anyone to read the poems about love written by the author who didn't know what it was.

When you're at high school and don't have a boyfriend everybody looks at you with the shade of sympathy. All of my friends among girls had boyfriends; they always discussed them and compassionately looked at me as I had nothing to tell about. Maybe, that's why I was afraid of a new school year. However, it began. On the second day of classes there appeared a newcomer in our school. He was a sportsman and a handsome. His name was Laurie.

After a couple of days all girls talked only about him. Firstly, I didn't understand why they were so excited. One day we had sports competition at the school stadium. I was a spectator, and Laurie was a participant. He took part in several kinds of competition. On that day I fell for him. During all day I looked only at him. His big blue eyes, his black thick hair, his dazzling smile, his shoulders, his white T-shirt which emphasized his muscles made me go mad.

I didn't tell anyone I liked Laurie. In about two months girls stopped talking about him very often. I thought it would let me feel better but no. The feelings for him burnt me from the inside. I tried to write poems to get rid of this, but poems turned terrible. A filled-in notebook with poems was thrown to a trash can. It became unbearable, and I decided to open my secret. If anyone deserved to know about my feelings it was only the person who caused them.

I picked up all my courage and came to Laurie in the hall after classes.

– Hi, – said I.

– Hi. What's up? Who are you?

– My name is Jin. We kinda study together.

– Ok.

– I wanted to tell you something. I… well, it's… I like you.

– Thanks. Many people tell me they like me. What is your problem? You wanna get an invitation to my home party on Friday?

– No, it's not what I mean. I mean I like you a lot, really a lot. I liked you since you came to our school. I go crazy when…

– Stop! I got what you're trying to say. Sorry, baby, you're kinda not my… type. And I already have a girlfriend.

He looked at me as I were contemptible and left.

I expected it would be difficult for me to go to school after that, but I didn't know it would be so bad. My school turned to the worst nightmare. Laurie told his friends about me, and in a short time everyone knew. They laughed at me and called me 'Crazy-in-love'. My school friends left me alone in this fight, they didn't want to be seen near the loser. I hoped this story would be soon forgotten, but no one forgot. Every day there appeared someone who reminded it.

I felt bad. But my poems were good. All of them were about broken love, lost happiness, betrayal and loneliness. They were a bit depressive, but I still knew they were good. One day I discovered that the word 'BAD' could be the abbreviation for 'Broken, Angry, Disappointed'. These words exactly described what I felt. I understood it was the high time to do something and get free from this depression.

I made a compilation of all my poems and printed it. Then I went to the editorial office of the local newspaper and asked for someone I could discuss my poetry with. The editor's assistant Mr. Jackson met me and evaluated my poems. He said they were very good for a 16 year old girl. But he explained they were getting poems from many people, that's why they couldn't publish more than one poem of mine in one issue. He offered me other opportunity according to which he would keep my poems and publish them one by one in every newspaper issue or from time to time. I agreed. Then Mr. Jackson asked me whether I wanted to use my real name.

– No way! – exclaimed I. – I'll use a pseudonym.

– What is your pseudonym?

– DAB. With 'a' in the middle and all letters capital.

– Ok, – agreed he and asked me to leave him my home phone number in case of some questions.

I told my parents there were my poems in the local newspaper only after a third poem was published. They said I did the right thing. I thought the same. Waiting for the next poem to come out I didn't pay attention to mockery at school.

Once in the evening our home phone rang. Mom picked it up and then said:

– Honey, it's Mr. Jackson from the newspaper. He wants to talk to you.

I took the phone. Mr. Jackson wanted me to come to his office tomorrow. I asked him what for, but he answered it would be a surprise. The next day I went there. When I entered his cabinet I noticed two young men talking to Mr. Jackson.

– Here she is, – said he when saw me.

– You didn't tell us it's a girl! – said one of these men staring at me.

Mr. Jackson introduced them to me. Their names were Ash and Nick. I also said my name.

– I'll leave you alone, I have a job to do, – smiled Mr. Jackson and went away.

– So, Jin. You probably wonder what we want from you, – said Ash.

I nodded. Ash and Nick told me they were musicians. They both could play guitar and sing. They performed at the stage and sang famous hits. Lately they had an idea to create their own band and began performing their songs. The problem was that though they wrote music neither of them could write nice lyrics. Nick used to read some of my poems in the newspaper and showed them to Ash. They both liked my poetry and decided to find the author.

– Why you were so surprised I'm a girl? – asked I.

– Mr. Jackson didn't tell us much about you. He only said the author is young, – answered Ash. – But you look even younger than we expected.

– You don't look very adult too, – emphasized I. – How old are you?

– I'm 22, – said Nick.

– 21, – said Ash. – Nick is kinda my elder brother.

– Elder? I'm only one year older than you!

– It means you'll become a decrepit old man one year earlier than me!

Ash made several steps showing an elderly man with shaking hands and bulging eyes. It was so funny that I couldn't help but laughed. They looked at me, and Ash told Nick:

– I think she'll be a good lyricist for us. At least, she's got a good sense of humor.

– So, will you work with us? – asked Nick.

– Yes, – smiled I.

I didn't think this answer would turn all my life upside down. And my life didn't change at once. This process wasn't fast and easy. First songs we wrote together were poor. Later on we found a couple of matching rhymes and accords. The work began going faster. I tried to remake some of my old poems to make them go with the music written by Ash and Nick. This was how we got several fine songs. I didn't try to evaluate the amount of time I was devoting for this, but I should admit I had almost no rest just like the guys. Ash and Nick worked hard, thanks to what they were included in the list of performers for City Day concert and enjoyed a great success among city dwellers. Before that concert they decided not to be just two guitarists but a music band. They chose the name 'Green River' and performed as a band. In some time they became very popular in the city. They were often invited to participate in different programs on the local TV and radio station. By the way, they always took me with them and mentioned I was their lyricist and friend. It was very important for me they did so.

When I turned 17 I suddenly realized all things around me changed. In the morning at school almost everyone wished me 'happy birthday'. People I didn't know spoke to me and expressed how they liked my lyrics. Laurie was staring at me while I was talking to others, but didn't come up. In the evening Ash and Nick came to my home to congratulate me and stated they had a surprise for me. They asked my parents to let me go with them to a night club promising to bring me back in two hours. Mom and Dad didn't mind. When we arrived to the club I learned that tonight there would be Green River's performance. Nick and Ash came up to the stage. Nick took a microphone and declared:

– We would like to devote tonight's performance to the person who means a lot for us, our friend, our soul mate, the author of all words in our songs… Jin! Jin, will you come here for a second?

I joined the guys at the stage and smiled. Everyone applauded. They made a splendid surprise for me. But in that evening another surprise also waited for me. When I came back down I suddenly met Laurie in the crowd. He asked me to go with him. We found the least noisy place, and I asked what he wanted.

– Jin, I understood something. I made a mistake when I rejected you. I know it took too much time for me to get it. I apologize for my behavior then. You're alone now, aren't you?

I kept silence. He went on:

– I hope you still like me. Because I do like you. Jin, will you be my girlfriend?

– No, – replied I and passed to the stage's direction.

I didn't want to believe Laurie had really changed though he was right I still liked him.

After than night in the club Laurie began practically following me. Every week he left some flowers or chocolate at my table at the classroom. He opened doors in front of me, helped me to close the locker or to carry the tray in the canteen and told all his friends I was the girl of his dreams. Once he held kinda show: he stood on a table singing a Green River's song. Finished Laurie asked me again whether I would be his girlfriend. I thought to give him a chance and agreed. He looked very happy with my answer.

We had been dating about a month. It was a bit complicated to find time both for my new boyfriend and my lyrics, but I managed somehow. It was strange, but I didn't feel so overwhelming about being in love as I used to suppose before. Ash and Nick offered me to be their band manager; they needed someone like that because they were going on tour to 8 cities in the area. I realized I would have to leave Laurie for a while, but I couldn't disappoint my best friends so I joined them in this tour.

The tour was fantastic. Green River's performance was a success everywhere. We had much fun during this trip. Unfortunately, we had to come back earlier than we planned. On the way to the last destination Nick accidentally got his right hand broken. Going back I decided not to call Laurie to make a surprise for him.

My parents were glad to see me home earlier than expected. One whole day I stayed home having rest after the trip. On the next day I went to school. Entering the hall I instantly noticed Laurie and what I saw shocked me. He was kissing Vanessa, a girl who used to be my friend before. I felt as anger was revolving around my mind making me mad. When I approached they stopped kissing and turned to me. They looked surprised to see me. I reckon they were shocked even more than I.

– Congratulations! – began I. – I'm proud of you, Vanessa. While I was away you turned to be so nice to take care of my boyfriend. Well, I wish you to be happy in love. And you too.

I turned to Laurie and slapped him in the face.

– Remember me! You'll never have a girl like me by your side. Goodbye.

On that day I ran away from school and went to Nick's home. I didn't cry while I was in school not to let anyone see my tears, but on the way to Nick I couldn't help myself. That's why when I entered Nick and Ash who also was there at once got something had happened. I described what I had come across with. They sympathized and calmed me, and then made me watch some stand-up comedy show with them.

This event changed something in me, but I wouldn't say it was a bad change. I felt I became stronger. Even seeing Laurie's face in school didn't bother me. I didn't care anymore. The only thing which was important for me was my poetry. I realized when I wrote about some feelings I didn't need a person who made me feel it. It didn't matter whether there was someone or not. I felt what I felt.

In several months Green River became even more popular. It was a great pleasure for me to realize I was a significant part of their success. I had to switch to home education because we traveled a lot. One day between tours I noticed Laurie in a store. He didn't see me. I looked at him and couldn't believe I used to like him. I definitely didn't regret saying goodbye to him. I finally realized I had the right to write poems about love because my true love always stayed with me and never betrayed me. It was writing.

Now I know my life is marvelous. I'm very happy to be where I am. I have my parents who always support me. I have my friends Ash and Nick who make my life diverse and cheerful. And I still have my poetry.

She was walking along the way. Her feet were falling through swampy silt; a silent wind was tickling her wrists; and it would be so pleasant to close the eyes! To simply shut in eyelids with long black lashes and dive into a sweet dream. Such a beautiful and marvelous, but eternal dream.

No, she didn't close her eyes. She fought this wish inside of her and went on. And so she's moving ahead without looking back or stopping. A swamp is followed by a forest, a forest is changed to a sea, after a sea a desert comes, and an ocean appears after a desert. But she doesn't care because she goes straightly forward.

She's not hurrying up to meet someone, and actually she has no destination to go. Everyone had already forgotten about her because she's just a ghost. An odd ghost that came out of nowhere and nothing; the one who had never scared visitors in ancient castles and uninhabited buildings. She only used to come inside partly destroyed churches where no one usually goes. She sat there crying, and sometimes her cries turned to a silent wail spreading around a church.

One day she, as always, came in an old ruined building of a church and saw a guy. He was looking at some frescos and stained-glasses that remained here somehow. She liked this guy, but she wasn't supposed to fall in love. It was restricted because ghosts in love get lost in the air as if they had never existed.

She wasn't afraid of becoming nothing; she only wanted some more time to observe this guy. Obviously, she had been seeing a lot of people including guys, very different guys, handsome guys. But none of the ones she'd seen before could be compared with this one. He was unique, special, unlike everyone else; no one had ever entered this church since it was left by people, and he came here.

She was attracted to him like a metallic clip attracts to a magnet; and she wasn't able to stand this attraction. She approached him from behind so quietly that even the air around him remained still. She stood behind him, feeling the warmth of his body and hearing his heart beat.

Suddenly he felt cold and turned his head. She didn't have enough time to get away, and now she timidly looked into his eyes. She expected to see in them fear, astonishment, shock, hate or at least disgust, but instead she saw admiration. He asked "You ghost?"

She wanted to reply, but couldn't. She opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it. Realizing her weakness, she fell down her knees and cried. It was the first time she was crying so loud that window glass was trembling and seemed to break up soon.

He bent forward to her, caressed her transparent head and whispered, "Don't you cry, please. I won't hurt you, and I won't tell anyone about you". She raised her eyes at him, and then took a knife out of somewhere. She cut her palm and wrote on the floor with her transparently white blood: "I'm into you".

His eyes reflected a shadow of astonishment. She realized she had made a mistake, got up from the floor and silently went out of the church. There appeared two big white wings on her back, and she flew up to the sky. He stood on the ground and saw her flying forward and turning to a little lovely angel.

Legends never lie. I always believed in that, and now I exactly know it's true.

When I was in primary school I lived in a nice place with my mom and granddad. Our house was located not far from the sea, that's why every day after classes I went there and walked along the beach. My school friend, Bobby, didn't understand the sense of such occupation. He was usually playing basketball with other boys while I was watching sunsets at the sea. I didn't really understand myself too. Once I asked my mom why I was so keen on watching big water scenery. She said my dad was a sailor and my love to sea had come from him. I told the same to Bobby when he again asked me what brought me to the sea. My friend just shrugged his shoulders and asked if I was going to become a sailor like my dad. Next few days I was thinking about Bobby's question. Did I want to become a sailor? I didn't know. A young boy like me could hardly know what he really wanted. But I was absolutely sure that I couldn't live without sea. Only there I felt freedom and unbearable lightness of being.

One day I was sitting on the sand with my legs put in the water. The sea was unusually pacific and silent that day. When I looked at the horizon I noticed a very big fish which jumped out of the water and returned back to the sea. I was surprised because I've never seen such a big one. The fish was sized like my height. I rose on my feet and came into the water. That fish jumped out again, and despite a long distance between us I saw something I couldn't believe in. It wasn't a big fish; it was a girl with long green hair and a fish tail instead of legs. I saw her for only one moment, but this moment cardinally changed my life.

Bobby was the first person who I told about the girl I had seen. At first my friend didn't believe me but then he accepted that my story could be true, especially because I had never lied to anybody. Bobby even forgot his "big basketball games" to be able to sit with me on the sand and watch the sea. I wanted Bobby to see that girl too, but she didn't show up again. After two weeks of waiting we lost any hope to see her. My friend returned back to basketball, and I continued walking at the seaside in evenings. Once my granddad walked there with me. We were talking about sea. I didn't understand what made me do it but I told granddad about the girl with a fish tail. To my surprise he didn't say that I was crazy or just imagined the girl. Instead of it granddad asked me to sit down, and for next two hours he was telling an ancient legend he had heard from his dad.

The legend was about mermaids and a charming and exciting underwater world. The legend said that if a mermaid fell in love with a human and if she brought him to the underwater world he would become the King of the Sea.

A couple of years passed since then. I had become a high school student, and Bobby was still my friend although he went to other high school. It were only my mom and me in the house because my granddad was already gone. But I remembered in details the legend he had told me. And I didn't give up my hobby to spend time near the sea. It was such a beautiful day when I again saw that green-haired girl with a fish tail. She didn't jump out of the water far from me but swam closer to the seaside and smiled. I said, "Hi". She didn't answer, only smiled again. I asked, "What is your name?". She took a small stone and wrote on the sand word "Reiki". Then she stretched her hand to me. I took it, and she pulled. Everything was so fast that I even didn't have enough time to realize what was going on. We were under water, and the mermaid was pulling me deeper and deeper down until we swam to a wonderful city. We were passing around it and watching. Frankly speaking, I was looking at it with my mouth open. All the buildings and streets were various forms and colors, some of them were very high, others were so small that they, probably, were suitable only for little fish and mollusks. Besides, the city was shining, and waves were spreading this bright light in the water of the sea. Sometimes it was so bright that I had to close my eyes for a moment. As soon as I closed my eyes the third time and opened them I found myself lying on the sand near the sea. Reiki wasn't there. I sat down and looked into the water. In five minutes I finally understood that I was all wet, so I went home. Next morning I had got my nose running and stayed in bed all day. In the evening Bobby came to me to find out if I was OK. I told him I had seen the mermaid. He was shocked because he didn't believe in any supernatural thing. And, by the way, it was easier for him to say that I was crazy or delirious than to say I lied to him. He knew I was always honest. I saw his problem of choice and decided not to make him disappointed, so I said it, maybe, had been just a hallucination. Bobby was happy with such explaining. I recovered in few days and, of course, I turned back to walking at the seaside. I knew I had no chance to meet Reiki again but I couldn't forget about the journey to the underwater world. I also remembered what my granddad had told me about it. According to his words I was going to be the King of the Sea. But it was just a legend. All those routine things which I faced with every day were much closer and much more real.

Another couple of years passed. I was on a new stage of my life. I couldn't live without sea, so I became a sailor just like my dad. Mom was totally against that. She was afraid something could happen to me. Maybe, because my dad was drowned in the ocean during a storm. But her arguments didn't change my mind. I started to work on the ship which transported oil. I loved my job, especially when I was on watch. I could admire water scenery for hours. Even when I was on leave I missed sea. I went at the seaside every time I was able to do it. But it would be wrong to think that my job and my hobby were my whole life. During the vacation I usually met with Bobby. He had already become a basketball coach and worked in a high school. I went with him to his work several times. While his basketball boys were running around with a ball we were talking, recalling our childhood and high school years and discussing latest news. I also visited my mom. She liked when I was at her's. At that time she usually used me to help her with repairs. It was her new occupation in free time. She was plastering and painting walls, laying a parquet floor, moving the furniture, etc. So, my life was pretty diverse, especially on leave. I was always busy with something. But as soon as I fell asleep I saw Reiki and the colorful underwater city.

Some years of good working made me a captain mate. The salary of a captain mate was different from an ordinary sailor's salary. So, I could let myself live a bit better. One of my vacations I was spending in a luxurious hotel which was located not far from the Pacific Ocean. Every day I went to a beautiful Californian beach and walked there. During one of my walks I suddenly noticed a young woman with green hair. She was sitting on the sand and watching the scenery. She looked like a mermaid except the fact that she got no fish tail but usual human legs. I came closer and sat down next to her. She looked at me for a moment and turned away. That moment was more than enough for me to recognize her face. I was absolutely sure she was the mermaid who had showed me the underwater world. But now she behaved like she hadn't met me before. I asked, "What is your name?". She wrote on the sand word "Richie". I asked, "Do you like the ocean?". She nodded. "Why don't you talk? Can't you?", I asked. She wrote, "I don't want to". "Do you mind having a walk along the beach?". She smiled…

I'm the captain of my own ship. And my ship is our house where Richie and I live. It's already two years since we married. When Bobby saw my bride he said she was a true mermaid. But every time I tried to ask Richie if she was a mermaid she answered that she didn't get what I was talking about. Frankly speaking, I guessed she lied but I didn't care because I was happy just to live with her. And I am happy to live with Richie now. I must only add that a week ago I found a note under the pillow. There were words, "First time we met I had written "Reiki", but it wasn't my name. At that time I just didn't know how to write "Richie"".

After that I decided not to ask Richie any more. I already knew everything I wanted to find out. And now, staying at the stern of the ship with my wife-mermaid I feel like I'm the King of the Sea. This is truth. Legends never lie.

It is not pain, it is just phantom.

I feel same fear as before.

Your pale-and-yellow eyes

Have the reflection of my part;

I am an actor in the theater of love.

If you want love – just love,

If you don't want – stay so;

But pain, phantom of pain, will never leave you.

It will be gone, but then it will come back

And make you curse all things around you:

Both friends and rivals, good and bad,

Even the blood that flowing in your veins,

Your own life, your voice when you are laughing,

Your failures and even your success,

Curse all you have, you had or you will have,

And curse this pain… no! This phantom of pain!

Your fall is in this pain

As well as your salvation,

Your dreams, your love, your life,

Your feelings and emotions,

Your thoughts and your intentions,

But.

Some time will pass.

Your pale-and-yellow eyes

Will not have the reflection of my part.

Everything will be gone,

And there will only stay

Phantom of pain.