Nursing Angel

I appeared around midday. I think it was 11 am. At first, I couldn't realize what I was doing here. But as I turned my head, I saw her, the girl lying in bed. And I remembered that I've met her before. I used to help her not once. Yes, it definitely was her.

So, she was in bed, already awake. I approached her and gently touched her hair. And when I got so close I heard someone speaking,

"Good morning, sunshine!"

Oh, dear, I recognize that voice! This was The Pain talking to her. It said

"What a lovely day, ha? It's weekend, and I will make you spend whole of this beautiful snowy Saturday lying in bed. Come on, it's gonna be a lot of fun with me! Cheer up! You are supposed to rest all day long. Don't you dare think you can stand up from the bed. I will grow heavier and heavier to make sure you can't do it. And no more sleep, no, no. Not when I'm here. I won't let you sleep while I'm here"

These words of The Pain got deep into my heart. It planned to torture my girl for the whole day, and I couldn't let this happen. I felt like it was my prior duty to take care of her since there was no one else who would do it.

I saw The Pain was attacking her in such a severe way that she could barely move. It took her almost an hour of fighting before she attempted to get up. I took her hand and supported her while she walked to a bathroom. Then we slowly walked to the kitchen, where I opened the fridge for her. I felt so sorry watching her hungry eyes looking for something ready to eat. Sadly, everything we found was a small cheese curd. She ate a half of it followed with some drinks of juice that we took out of the cupboard. Then I made her take a painkiller. She took one and finished the cheese curd.

She went back to her room and turned on her laptop. I could hear what was on her mind,

"I would love to watch yesterday's series now because it's funny; it can distract me from concentrating on pain and raise my mood, perhaps. But I don't wanna watch it without him. I don't really have a will to do alone anything I could've done together with him"

What? What's that? She is thinking about him? Seriously? He's not even here. He didn't even text her to ask if she feels okay. He's gonna go to a party and have fun in the evening while she is dying of pain.

My goodness, how offended I felt. It's me here taking care of her, maybe, not enough, but it's still the best I can. And what she does is thinking about him, not me. Her heart belongs to him, so I will never have a chance to get in there. I disappeared. Just for a few minutes until I calmed down and discovered some genuine feelings inside of me. They have put me back to the room where she was. I overcame that offence for I realized it didn’t matter. She may have a loving family, great friends and gorgeous boyfriend, but none of them was here. She needed help, this very thing she had trouble to ask for, and there was only me by her side. And I didn't care anymore who she was thinking about.

She was standing near the table with her hands on it as it was hard for her to keep balance. She was standing and waiting while another tv series will be completely copied to a USB. Her body was trembling in cold sweat; her hands were shaking; and huge crystal teardrops were rolling down her cheeks. I enveloped her into my arms as tight as I could and whispered in her ear,

"We will master this day, Darling"

I wasn't sure if she heard me, but she raised her head, looked up straight, and we began working together. Thus, we put a pillow to the head of the bed. We made hot tea and brought it to the room. We plugged the USB in the TV set and turned on the first episode. She put herself in bed half-sitting and began having breakfast while watching the series. Her breakfast consisted of chocolate bar, waffles, tea and another painkiller. It wasn't a good breakfast, but it was better than nothing.

She took phone in her hands. Her thoughts were so emotionally loud, it seemed I could even hear them popping up in the air.

"What if I send him a message to tell him I'm so sick? But it's a big question whether I should do it. I've told him yesterday I won't go to the party because I'm afraid I might feel really bad today. Knowing it, he could've wondered if I'm okay or not. He would definitely wonder in case he thought about me, at least for a tiny second. But it seems like he doesn't think of me at all and doesn't want to. Therefore, it makes no sense to bother him with my problems. He'll spend the day riding around some shops or sitting home surfing the Internet. Later on he will go to the party, will drink, eat, and talk. Well, I would never wanna go to a party without him. But he is a different person, not like me. He says he's an introvert, but it seems so easy for him to forget about me and go have fun among dozens of other people. Obviously, they are more significant to him than I am. And he might like spending time with them more than spending it with me, because I'm a walking disaster, a huge collection of various problems. I'm setting him free from me today. I'm not alone. I have The Pain. It's terrible, but it's with me. So, all things set. He got his company, and I got mine. I'm not texting him, no way"

It felt like a dagger plunged into my heart. She put the phone off and tried to watch TV.

A hand of a clock pointed at 2 pm. The Pain lost a half of its strength by this time, but still was there. It was very persistent in its plan to stay with my girl till the end of today. Suddenly her house hostess came in and invited her to have lunch. She got out of bed. Some hot soup with a loaf of bread felt like a rainbow in a rainy day for my weak and hungry girl. She loved it. But I know how confused she felt. When she's okay, looks cheerful and happy, there are people who wanna spend time with her. But when she's sick, a stranger appears to be more caring than anyone else.

Having had lunch, she went back and continued watching TV series. She was occupied with it until an idea of this very story about me slipped in her mind. So, she lay down with the laptop above her body and a pillow under her head, and began writing. I sat beside her and plunged into my own thoughts. I've been thinking how difficult it is to cope with situations like that when you're alone, when you simply don't have enough energy to stand up and walk, when every step, every move, every breath makes The Pain stronger. You're on your own, desperate, not expecting any good to happen. But everything's different when you're together. You start feeling much better with someone being around and encouraging you.

When I reverted to reality, it was 6 pm. She was hungry and made herself another cup of tea. Then she turned TV series on again and decided to clean the laptop's keyboard, because she hasn't done it for… oh, she hasn't done it at all since she bought the laptop. Good girl! It's the first useful thing she was about to do on this Saturday. For sure, she had a bunch of things planned, like going to a food store, for instance, but she didn't feel good enough. At least, she could clean the keyboard. Still better than nothing.

At half past 7 I refused to believe my eyes. She texted him. Why would she do this? I couldn't understand. But she had her reasons. She wanted to ask him to send a message when he gets home. She worried knowing that it would be late night, and he would be going home alone. Probably, it was her mistake to ask him what he was doing at first. Next minute I noticed tears in her eyes.

"He is drinking whiskey. I wish I was doing the same. I've planned to go to a store today and buy a bottle, but I had to give up on the idea of going outside. I feel too weak to go anywhere", thought she.

Then there was one more message saying that he missed her. I could clearly see her hands shaking when she put the phone aside and exclaimed

"Liar!"

What a poor guy! He must have felt so bad at the party without her, because he said he missed her. But wait a minute. Was he bound to something? Stuck in there? Handcuffed? Held by someone? Holy crap, he was totally right! He lied. It's been all day long, and he didn't even text her until she did herself. How can a person miss someone and do nothing about it? Just a beautiful lie.

We watched two more episodes and finished cleaning the keyboard, which turned out to be broken when she put all the keys back and connected it. She wasn't upset about it, as she naturally couldn't be more upset than she already was. She went to have shower.

Midnight. It's been such a long day. She is falling asleep. The Pain has almost completely gone. I am disappearing too. My watch is over for now, but next time she is all alone and needs help, no doubt I'm gonna be there to take care of her.

As I was fading away, I heard her whispering,

"We mastered the day, Angel. We did it together"