I saw a guy eat a booger on a train today.

I saw a guy eat a booger on a train today.

Actually it wasn’t today that the feasting took place, more like a few months back. Anyway, that image is on repeat now in the back of my brain. On the big screen, his mouth counter-clock-wising a bit, his jawbone clinching and relaxing. Clenching and relaxing. Clenching    and relaxing.

Clenching      and then relaxing.

“Eughhhh.”

So yeah, he was just standing there eating it. Like really chewing and chomping at it, which I personally thought was a little dramatic considering the minuscule size of his dinner.

Nope breakfast, because I remember it happening in the morning.

Definitely in the morning and on that train, and I can’t remember if I was sitting or standing, barnacled to the side, but I remember what I saw.

A guy

pick his nose

and then suck on the end of his pinky.

Dude was straight up eating a booger on a public train in front of everybody. Morning commuters…working people. Working people you have to see every day, and working people who also won’t forget that they saw you eat a booger that one time.

Oh.

And I remember him reading something on his phone and being far too busily distracted to even lift up his head, which bothered me. I don’t know why, but it did.

I mean I get the eating boogers part, I guess.

Well not really, but people do gross shit and this is something I’ve accepted.

But to have the gall to not even look up first before doing sed shit? That really irks me.

If that was me, I think before nibbling on the fruits of my labor, I’d look around first.

I mean, assuming I ate boogers. . .which I don’t.

The dot, dot, dots weren’t really necessary there.

And there’s really no ambiguity on this, I just have an affinity for spaced out periods.

I mean…I know what boogers taste like, but it’s like I know what dirt taste like too. So where do we go from here?

I say we because I bet you know what dirt taste like too, but that doesn’t mean you grab a plate and a fork and head to the backyard when it’s dinner time.

I wouldn’t judge you if you did.

Well…

With all judging aside, and for the sake of silly arguments everywhere, let’s just say I was at a restaurant.

And the chef cooking our meals was having a terrible day. So terrible in fact, that he decides as a way of “righting the wrongs” in his life, to blow his nose in my tomato basil. I also have an affinity for anything tomato basil.

And so I take a few bites at first but I know something’s not quite right.

“Hhhrrrrmmmm.”

My friends notice my face scrunching and then I lean over to one of them and whisper,

“Dude…that’s a booger.”

I’m sure you’d do the same and you don’t have to be a booger eater to know when something’s got boogers in it. But whatever, that’s not the point. The point is I saw a guy

eat a booger

on a train.

the End.

“On a bit of a different note,” do different boogers taste different from different people??

Now I got boogers on the brain.