Stupefying Saturday

I felt so weird when I woke up this morning. But I had no idea just how weird.

As is my habit, I kept my eyes closed upon awakening, just taking in the sounds of early morning. But everything was so lo-o-oud! I could hear my cell phone's digital clock ticking, but instead of soft little clicks, they sounded like gongs. I could hear the faucet dripping in the bathroom, far louder than it should have been, like hail hitting the side of my building. I could even hear the beating of the hearts of the three birds in the tree just outside of my window, the leaves thumping loudly against the branches on which they sat. And I could hear myself breathing, the breaths sounding like thunder as they exited my nose. Unable to enjoy my first few moments like usual, I opened my eyes and felt a wave of nausea pass. Everything was blurry, which wasn't unusual, since I am near-sighted, but this blurriness went beyond. And since when, I wondered, had I gone color-blind? Thinking I must still be dreaming, I rubbed one eye with my paw and- wait! My PAW? I panicked and closed my eyes, tight. After a moment, I peeked one orb open. Everything was the same. I looked down at myself and sure as shit, I was a dog. What the-? I couldn't make out the colors, but the markings looked just like the ones on my own dog, Hailey. I moaned and was horrified to hear a low growl emitting from my snout. My snout?! Oh, lord, I have a snout! Moaning...er, whining...I laid back and tried to think back to the night before. I'd gone bar-crawling with some friends and sure, I'd had plenty Hair of the Dog when I returned home, but surely that couldn't be the cause of this, could it?!

Oh my word! Another thought occurred to me. If I was Hailey, was she me?! I tried to call for her...me?...but it just came out as a howl and I quickly snapped my mouth shut. I told myself that I had to think of something and thank goodness I still seemed to have my human logic and thinking abilities.

As I lay there thinking, I also took note of my other heightened senses, which I couldn't have ignored if I'd wanted to.

While my vision seemed to have taken a different form, if not decreased even further, all my other senses went beyond how I imagined them when I watched Hailey follow her nose around as if it were a leash. I sniffed deeply and immediately sneezed. Oh, my heavens! I could smell EVERYthing! The worms lying in the nest of the birds I was listening to just a while ago, the drops of perfume I'd spilled on the dresser and failed to clean up the night before; hell, I could even smell the boogers in my nose. Ew.

Well, I thought, after a while... Maybe this won't be too bad. I mean, how many times had I looked at Hailey with jealousy at the cushy life she leads, being waited on hand and foot. Now it was MY turn to bask in the love of a great owner...Oh, crap. But what kind of owner could Hailey possibly be?! I'd probably starve to death, waiting on her to figure things out! Sure, she'd observed me literally hundreds of times in the kitchen, but watching is far different from doing.

Speaking of Hailey, I wondered once again where she was...Maybe she couldn't figure out how to walk on two legs... Hmmm. I wondered if I can walk on four! Just as I was trying to climb out of bed, she entered the bedroom.

She had on my favorite dress, but it was backwards and only covered her head and one shoulder. The rest of me...her?...was naked. And...why were my houseshoes in her MOUTH! I facepalmed...er, facepawed myself and thought, Oh, my God...or should that be 'Oh, my dog?!"