Just Ask

I would love to say that I learned some great life lessons because of my parents, and I did many times over, but this lesson was on I had to learn on my own at a much older age than I would like to admit. When I was young child I was often inquisitive and considerably shy, these qualities can at times be counter intuitive. My mother teases sometimes, in the same endearing fashion that a mother would bring out naked baby pictures to show people, that she thought I was mentally handicapped because I would watch other kids my age and not talk. It was soon discovered that when I did start speaking people could not get me to stop, which is endearing in its own right. But you can’t warm up to everyone all the time and often I found myself fixed at a point in time where my shyness took grip and made me somehow fearful or reluctant to talk to someone. I have a suspicion that most children go through something similar where they have to be told to shake the fear and ask someone to do something, like asking the stranger if it is ok to  pet the dog they have or asking for the autograph of the person they like. For me it often came when I wanted something and was too afraid to ask.

I remember trying to get my parents to ask the question I had and being told to go ask it myself. I would try to work up the courage to ask but if I could find the information by an alternative means that is where I was looking. “Just ask them,” I remember hearing my father say as if he could not understand what my reluctance was. I thought at the time he was fearless as he would strike up conversation with anyone, to this day he will talk with anyone, a trait I feel is in short supply more often than not. Ultimately one day I came to a sudden and abrupt realization, perhaps someone told it to me and that could be the case, but I like to think I did this part on my own. I examined the unprovoked fear that I had in asking questions and pushed through it finding it baseless. I realized that the worse thing anyone can say to you is no if you ask for something. The worst thing that anyone could provide you if you ask about something was to give you nothing. Perhaps all the prompting and encouragement to ask questions from my parents is what made me realize this, or perhaps it was an older child in another family who told me those words verbatim, or perhaps we will never know. I used to be so afraid of getting a ‘No,’ as if it would harm me in some way physically. The day I shed that baseless fear was the day that I started asking questions, and I never stopped.

There is elegance to the simplicity of some questions, and in the same sense a beauty to the complexity of others. My new found fearless approach expanded well beyond the simple yes or no questions. I found out more about the world and people than ever before. I found out that a question can be powerful in its ability to gather information or uncover opportunities. The right question can send your life unexpectedly off its current course hurtling through space and time toward an alternate destiny. The ability we have to question the universe coalesces in our pursuit of all things and is mirrored in in the scope of our advances as a species. Questions are the basis of science, relationships, philosophy, knowledge, and so much more. To question, I found, is to participate in life itself.

A question to clarify rendered me the name of a new friend, a question to define gave me facts to understand, and a question of the heart brought me many truths of this world. I discovered that all of these questions weave together like endless threads in the tapestry of understanding, further developing mine in all regards. To ask a question was to allow myself the possibilities I otherwise would not have. In the pursuit of answers or information I grew, in finding the answers I learned. Questions shape the way we see the world and give us perspective as to how we fit within it. If life has gifted me any wisdom it is to never be afraid to ask a question, and if asked a question return the favor and always embrace the opportunity to provide someone else with an answer of your own design.