No Matter How You Tell It, ’Tis A Sad Sad [Cotton]Tale

So there we were, my chocolate friend and I, just sitting in our Easter basket, waiting for the child to come and play with us. The princess was too snooty to speak to us and the jelly beans were of no use, being bagged up as they were. At least the grass felt good under my feet. I shifted, smiled at Elmer nervously, then spotted the child.

Giant hands reached out and took Elmer. The hands gently and lovingly relieved Elmer of his foil apparel. Then it happened!

A giant maw opened and my poor chocolate friend was suddenly and forcefully pulled towards it! I shrieked as my buddy lost an ear and was set back in his place, still partially-dressed. "Mmmmm", the child said, "I love chocolate!"

Then the hand came for me! I tried to scream, but couldn't. Then the maw opened again and I felt something sharp clamp down on one of my marshallowy ears before all went black...

So, my chocolate friend and I were hanging out in our Easter basket, waiting for the girl to come and play with us. The princess couldn't be bothered to talk to us and we coudn't play with the jelly beans, cuz they were bagged up. At least the grass felt good under my feet. I changed position, smiled at Elmer anxiously, then saw the girl headed our way.

She reached out and took Elmer. Her hands carefully and lovingly helped Elmer out of his foil attire. Then, tragedy!

A giant hole opened and my poor chocolate buddy was partially shoved into it! I screamed as my pal lost an ear and was set back into his place, still wearing part of his clothes. "Mmmm," the girl said, "Chocolate is SO good!"

Then the hand came for me! I tried to yell, but couldn't. Then the hole opened again and I felt something sharp chomp down on a marshmallow-filled ear before all went black...

So there was me and my chocolate friend, chillin' in our Easter basket, waitin' for the youngster to come and play wit' us. The princess was too stuck-up to rap with us and the jelly beans were useless, bein' wrapped up. At least the grass felt good under my kicks. I moved a bit, smiled at E-man encouragingly, then peeped - PEEP'ed! get it? - the child comin' at us.

She reached out and nabbed Elmer, then took off his clothes, all gentle-like. Then shit got real!

A big-ass hole opened and my choco homie was partways put into it! I shrieked as my man lost an ear and was put back in place, wit' some of his clothes still on. Then that girl started talkin' 'bout how good chocolate is.

Then the hand came for me! I tried to fight, but couldn't. Then that hole opened again and I felt somethin' sharp cut into one'o my gooey ears before everything went all black...