Uh-Oh!

Well, the beautiful red-head thought, staring at her laptop, this facebook thing has been going on for quite a while, now. I guess it's high time I got an account, so I can see what all the raving is about. Into the browser, she typed 'facebook.com' and after what seemed a lifetime, but was really only a couple of seconds, she was greeted with the social site's home page.

"Create An Account", the screen said, so she typed in her information. Under 'first name', she dutifully typed, "Hera" and then paused a moment, wondering what to type in under 'last name'. After a moment of thought, she typed in "Famila". Where the screen requested her 'mobile number or email', she put in "GoddessofallH@Olympus.org" and where her password should go, she filled in "no1shal1defy.M3", then paused again at the next box.

"Birthdate?" she asked herself. Of course she knew it, but she didn't want to reveal her real age and what did they know, anyway? She pursed her ruby red lips, then selected "Jan 1, 1990". It's not like they'd actually check the information and if they did, so what? It wasn't like they could really do anything. Next, she selected, "Female" - as if there was any doubt! - and clicked on "Create Account". After another brief moment, the screen asked for her to verify her email address. She skipped it and found herself looking at a page that requested she 'Add Friends'. Skipping that option, as well, she found herself being asked for yet more information!

"Good Olympus", she sighed, impatiently. Skipping the first two sections - 'Search your email for friends already on Facebook' and 'Get to know your privacy settings' - she decided to respond to the third request, the one asking for a Profile picture. Of COURSE all of this facebook should know what she looks like, she smirked, then selected a lovely picture of herself in evening wear, taken from this past spring's Lightning Gala.

This time when she was greeted with 'Add people you know', she figured she should, so she could show herself off to all of her family and friends; wouldn't they all be surprised to see she'd finally gotten herself a facebook page?! Scrolling the list, she was stopped short when she saw the name 'Zeus'.

Wait! Her breathing increased. No, no. It couldn't be. Zeus couldn't have a facebook account! He hadn't told her that he had one. Of course, since when did that man know anything about openness and honesty? In their last therapy session, he'd actually tried to say that he really did want a relationship of transparency and mutual respect! She'd almost gagged then and now, her mouth threatened to overflow with vomit.

She clicked the 'Add Friend' button and was told her request had been sent. Not willing to wait, she clicked on his name - "Zeus Bolten" - and found herself looking at a page that looked like it was created by GQ. His personal page had a huge picture of himself at the top and in small print, under his name, it said, "Friend to All". Friend to all, indeed! Wasn't that just the problem? He had way too many "friends!" Scrolling down, she found more pictures of him. The uppermost one showed him in his tennis gear, holding a racket, his brown hair perfectly styled and his clear hazel eyes smiling at the camera. Then underneath the picture, she saw several symbols. She'd heard about the infamous 'Like' button from friends and it looked like several people had liked that picture. Right beside the little thumb icon, it said, "Eros and 17 others". She clicked on the line and saw a list of all those who had 'Liked' this particular picture.

Reading through, she got angrier and angrier. "Demeter?!...DEMETER likes his picture?! That BITCH!" she shrieked, spittle flying from her mouth. "As if she hasn't done enough, having that little Persephone brat! And now she's liking my husband's facebook pictures?!" Incensed, she grabbed a mug off her desk and threw it against the wall, the sound of shattering porcelain music to her ears.

Turning back to the screen, she continued looking at the list of likers. "Alcmene?...Danaë?...Dione?!" Thoroughly enraged, she stood up, knocking her chair down in the process. "What the fuck is THIS shit?!...He's got all his fuckin' babies mamas on his damn page, liking his pictures, now!" Pacing back and forth, her green eyes glared everytime they landed on the screen.

"Honey", she mimicked in a male voice, "they meant nothing to me; it just happened!" Switching back to her own voice, she answered, "How the fuck can it just happen?! What?! Did you just fall into their pussies, Z?!" Storming across the room, she grabbed their wedding picture from the bedside stand and smashed it on the floor, stomping on it until her left foot was bloody. Not caring, she continued her rant, "And I guess they just happened to 'Like' your facebook picture, too, huh?" She marched back over to her laptop and found his list of Friends. Yep, there they all were, Demeter, Alcmene, Danaë, and all the rest. ALL THE REST!

Feeling herself about to completely go off the deep end, Hera marched over to her ornate gold mirror and looked at herself. Her perfectly coiffed hair had come partially undone and she had ruby all over her mouth, not just on her lips. Her cheeks were a bright red and she could practically see the steam coming from her ears. She did as her therapist counseled and counted to 100. It didn't help. She was still livid!

Sitting back at her laptop, she saw a new post on Zeus' page. It was from Hercules and was a video of that Beyoncé woman, singing some song. She knew Zeus found the celebrity to be quite intriguing and she did NOT want any little Zeuslettes running around, singing on-stage in a few years. She had a mind to turn the star into a donkey - You like all that ass, Zeus, I'll give you ass, alright! - but that wouldn't do for these times. Pondering for a moment, she had another idea.

Heading into the bath to get cleaned up, she smiled. Zeus and the celebrity-watchers would never know what hit them.