Silentium

I see you.

Across the way, laughing, smiling but it doesnt touch your eyes. I see the way you look down when you think no one is watching. The way you get lost deep in your mind when the conversation slows down. You're good at hiding it but I know.

I see you.

Glancing around to make sure no one notices the torture behind your eyes and the numbness in your heart. Rubbing your hands together in anticipation of the next thing to pierce your heart like a dagger.

I see you.

Scurrying off to the bathroom or outside, away, away so no one can bombard you with questions of what's wrong and is everything okay because how are you supposed to put into words what is going on in your mind. And how are they supposed to make it better when you have no clue what it even is.

I see you.

Suffering in silence because it just seems easier. When everyone is laughing and smiling and you can join in the conversation a little here and there. It seems easier when you can forget for just one split second that you cannot feel a goddamn thing, and you feel somewhat normal.

I see you.

As that feeling passes just as quickly as it came and your left with the thoughts inside your brain that make you pause while laughing and look down into your drink, and you wonder if this is it. If this is how you will feel for the rest of your life so you excuse yourself and sit in the bathroom with your head in your hands and ask what the hell is wrong with you.

I see you.

Silent sufferer who thinks you are alone in this world, who thinks talking to people will make you a burden. Silent sufferer who goes home and cries your heart out in the shower so no one will hear you, who puts that smile on every day and that laughter in your voice so no one notices.

I see you.

Carrying the weight of so many people's words and suffers. Pushing your pain down to the very depths of your soul hoping with everything inside you it will just vanish. Lifting people's spirits while yours have been on the ground ever since you can remember.

I see you.

You are not alone in this world and never will be. You will sit in your silent hell and I will notice you. My arms will open and when you come to me we will suffer in silence together.