Broken

     Have you ever wondered what it would be like, if you were someone else? One minute you could be an old man dying in a nursing home, and in the next minute you're a young and fit teenage boy sitting in on his first lecture in college. You could be an artist, working their way towards having their art in galleries all over the world, or a novelist that's won a Pulitzer. 

     I wanted this ability for a different reason. I didn't want fame or fortune, youth or wisdom. All I wanted was to stop feeling the loss. No matter what I did or where I went, the pain was still there. It followed me, it poisoned my thoughts and my choices. Every night was filled with nightmares, and each day wasn't any brighter.

     My final year of high school had almost passed, just four more weeks and I was gone. But by God's divine intervention or some sick luck, it wasn't going to be that easy. You see, I was in love. Smitten with a girl I had known for over a year, and I would have given anything to see her happy. The feelings, however, weren't shared. We met in my third year, she was seeing someone and I was just getting over my first relationship. Funny how that works, right? There's always that sneaking suspicion that some higher power is just messing with you, placing certain people in the way just to see how much havoc they can reap in your life.

     I fell for her when we hung out during the winter. We went and saw a movie, never used the word 'date' but I hoped to the heavens that it was. Just before the show started, the theatre was playing music. I was so nervous that I had to sing and, to make her laugh, I danced as ridiculously as I could. She laughed and looked at me with this shine in her eye, the corner of her lips curling up as she shook her head. I knew then and there how I felt, and I never stopped thinking of her after that. Sadly, it had to come to an end.

     Remember how I was just four weeks from getting out of this hell hole? Well that means before I leave, there's a special dance that happens. You guessed it; prom. The one night where you can be whoever you want, dance or drink or talk. I had made this ingenious plan on how to ask her, how to get her to say yes and let me prove that I was the knight in shining armour that she was looking for. Unfortunately, the plan started to fall apart. She couldn't make it, and felt terrible about it. So I blurted it out, told her that I was stressed.

     "Well, why are you so stressed?" she asked, slightly confused.

     "It's prom. I've been thinking of going, but I haven't really slow-danced with anyone before." I sighed as I spoke to her, hoping my racing heart wasn't loud enough to hear.

     She chuckled and said, "Maybe whoever you take will know how to dance slow," while staring at me, a puzzled look still on her face. "Plus, any girl would be lucky to dance with you."

     I smiled, cleared my throat, and looked her in the eyes. "It isn't that I can't dance, I haven't asked for the right partner. Prom is only going to happen once for me, and I want to make it special," I paused, hoping she understood. "It would be the most special night of my life, if you were in my arms while dancing." The shock in her eyes and how her lips tightened shut sent fear through my core. I knew I messed up, I just didn't realise how much.

     She never gave me an answer, just brushed it off until the next day. One of her friends pulled me aside and told me, "She doesn't feel that way about you," and, "She values your friendship." If she valued it so much, why didn't she tell me herself?

     So now I'm here, broken and frail. Looking for any way to make it better. Any way to get rid of this pain. Please tell me; will this story get better, or end even worse?