Illusion

Home is where the heart is, and truth be told my heart is still with you. Does that make you home? I don’t know. I certainly hope not.

What fascinates me the most is how my heart still wants you after everything you’ve put me through. By “me” I mean not only my heart but my body too. Every single scar on my body is a painful reminder of our past. Each day I’m reminded of how you made me feel. All your harsh words that made me claw out my skin.

They say love is blind. This statement never made much sense to me, but now I’m the living reminder of its accuracy. Even after all your cheating, beating and what not, I still feel the need to be in your arms.

You were once my safe place, my escape from reality. Little did I know then that the version of you I saw was an illusion. I’ve been living in your bubble for so long, that sometimes it feels like I can’t live without you. Some days I’m willing to go back to us; you beating me up or accusing me of things I’ve never dreamt of doing, even if it kills me inside and out, for I’d rather live with you someway than without.

In my head you were the nice guy. So I made up excuses for your behavior. I thought, ‘maybe he was having a bad day’, the first time you slapped me across my face.

I was broken beyond repair when I realized it wasn’t me it was you. I feel in love with an illusion, the real you, was nothing but a monster.