Gone Solo (Solitary)
I thought I'd be more upset.
I thought the years we had together
had made you inseparable from my psyche.
Instead I find myself relieved.
You were estranged,
longing to retreat
Into your world of self-induced sadness.
I was just an accessory,
A point you made immensely clear .
Not with words or actions,
but rather with your aura,
Tepid and uninterested.
The silence
The half-hearted conversations
You chipped away at me
Unknowingly maybe
with a familiar emptiness.
I cannot complain.
I'm not so dense
That I thought things would return to our standard
I am, however, dense enough
To believe you would come back to me
Complete in yourself
Yet seeking companionship
To pass the time.
Maybe you found someone else, then.
One who makes the time go by faster
More so than I could.
I hoped for clarity
You gave none.
So here I sit
Writing these words
Not because I want you to read them
Nor does it bring peace.
This is a way for me to discover
The incredibly misguide machinations
Within my heart.
Some eternal sunshine
Wants the warmth of you back
To comfort its world
To hear your voice
To know you again.
"That's gone now," I say
"It's not coming back."
How could I put myself
At the mercy of desire
Another time?
Is it innocence
Or maybe ignorance
That leads me down these roads?
I hope that one day
I'll have the answer, until then
I'll live in this quagmire so full
Of bitter dreams
Of meaningless wants
Of lost time
And my own damnation
Confined to blackouts.