little bits of insecurity

I stand on the wet white tiles in front of my bathroom mirror, looking at my reflection.

Lifeless eyes stare back at me.

With drops of water dripping from my hair, I let out a sigh.

Steam fogged the mirror, albeit not to the point that I could not see my self.

For better or for worse, that is the unanswerable question.

The same girl is standing in front of me.

Nothing was out of the usual.

Same black hair, brown skin, dark eyes,

big nose, chubby cheeks, round belly,

thick eyebrows, wide thighs,

nothing different.

Maybe one day I would see a different person looking back at me.

Maybe, just maybe, I would see a person that I could smile at with eyes shining.

Maybe then I could stand with confidence, bringing everyone to their knees.

I look in the mirror every night and see the flaws that I cannot grow to accept.

The flaws I cannot hide.

The flaws everyone can see.

The flaws I pretend to ignore.

Why do I continue to stare at myself every night as if it would make things better?

As if it would make a difference?

As if someone, anyone could bare to like a girl like me?

[journal #1 about messy thoughts at 23:11; a rant that i tried to fix up; i needed to vent but i cannot find the right words nor the motivation to write a piece]