Indecision often comes at a price, the final sum totaling up to the wasted time, the spent anxiety, the needless rumination. I am an indecisive person, and I have learned that it is far better to settle with simplicity, with efficiency, than to aim for complexity.

Everything in the room is uniformly white, creating the impression of a dreamlike, far-off state of being. There are four corners—the standard amount for rooms, I believe. A couch and a bed face each other from opposite sides of the room, with a table beside the couch and a cabinet beside the bed. A lone window sits in the center of one wall.

Without further investigation, everything is clean and white and simple. There are no blemishes, no dirt stains, no dust. Nothing is out of place, everything looks perfect and minimalistic and medical. If you don't open the cabinet, if you don't lift the couch cushions, if you don't look under the bed, if you don't reach around the bottom of the table, if you don't peer further into this room, everything is clean and white and simple and perfect, everything is perfect.

Now, if you open the cabinet, you'll hear whispers of long-gone shouts, you'll see the dust of old anxieties and the dark oozing putty of current fears. If you lift the couch cushions, you'll see rusty pins and jagged needles, you'll see old sweat and remnants left behind from years upon years of sitting on edge. If you look under the bed, you'll see dust bunny memories, you'll see faded dreams and a gaunt-looking cat hiding in the corner—if you look close enough, you might even see the monsters, though they mostly come out at night, mostly. If you reach under the bottom of the table, you'll feel scratches and gashes in the wood, lost relics of fights and nights spent clawing for a way out, searching for a hidden door that'll take you somewhere, anywhere.

If you look out the window, you'll see a cloudy gray expanse. Sometimes it looks like the sea, and when you stare out, you might hear the sounds of a foghorn in the distance, haunting, lost, longing for something left behind, something forgotten, irretrievable. Sometimes it looks like the summit of a mountain, and when you stare out, you might hear the wind howling and screaming like ghosts of old miners, you might feel the chill of alpine wind like claws against your face, scraping, scratching, piercing, freezing. Sometimes it doesn't look much like anything, and the world outside seems frightening in its emptiness, and you know that if you leave you'll be all alone in an unfamiliar, unforgiving environment. Sometimes it looks a whole lot like everything, and you know that the second you step out, you'll experience the rest of your life in one short moment and you'll die from over-excitation, you'll die from too much all at once.

The window frightens me, all alone in the center of the wall, because if I can look out, then maybe someone could look in, maybe someone could see me, see me.

I sometimes consider leaving this room, and sometimes I leave for a little, just a little, never too long. It never takes too long for me to miss the security of the known, for my fears and anxieties to overwhelm me and force me to retreat to this aesthetically sterile haven stuffed with dark memories and bad habits.

The room is white and clean and I've worked hard to keep the decay and rot away, to stave off the inevitable atrophy of my tight grip on existence. I don't get guests very often, but if anyone came to visit, they'd see a clean room, a perfect room. They'd compliment me on my furniture, on my cleanliness, on my minimalistic lifestyle. They wouldn't see the churning mess of emotions that fills the cabinets, that stuffs the couch cushions, that seethes under the bed; they wouldn't smell the sweet and sticky odor of my overwhelming sadness or the crisp and lively scent of my irrepressible mania; they wouldn't hear the shouts of my countless fears and anxieties. I don't get guests very often, but I work hard to maintain a perfect facade should anyone care to stop by.

It's not necessarily that I like comfort, but rather that I need comfort, that I need the familiar, that I am a creature of habit and I cannot escape my well-worn grooves. I need comfort and familiarity and this room is plain and simple and perfect—as close to perfect as I can come, that is. I wish I had a room with more life and more energy, a room with more decorations and more overt happiness. I wish I had a more detailed room, but I know that I'd pay the price with my indecision, I know that the tapestries and posters would fade and tear, I know that the picture frames would splinter and the mirrors would shatter, I know that the soft lights would sputter and die out, I know that the books would rot away, I know that the clock on the wall would tick and tick and tick and erode my sanity down to the finest point, I know that the pretty duvet cover would stain easily and discolor quickly.

My indecision would take beautiful futures and mangle them into their worst aspects, my indecision would turn complexity into hell. My indecision overwhelms me when I am faced with decisions—it was hard enough deciding on sparse minimalism, on the color white, on the placement of the window and furniture, and I cannot imagine decorating this room, I cannot imagine the torment of making decision after decision after decision after decision after decision and so on and so forth until eventually I lose my mind and lose my sanity and lose the rest of my life to worry, to pacing, to striding back and forth with no confidence whatsoever.

It's easier to live in a simple room, a white room, a room where I store my dark features under the bed and in the cabinets and in the couch cushions. It's easier to pretend I have everything in my life together, it's easier to appear perfect if I don't have to perfect anything, if I can leave everything white and uncolored and unembellished. It's easier if I don't start, because then I can never fail, and I can go on living in this white room with a gray world outside my window.

This is a small room, a simple room, a white room. There's not much space in here, but there's room for indecision, there's always room for indecision.

All rooms are not the same. When one considers it, there are hardly two rooms equal enough to send the most slightly sense into confusion over their disparate likeness. Every room feels different. Like shoes of different sizes: when we enter them, it’s as though trying them on, and very soon after a quick pace side-to-side or twirling inspection do we know for certain if they are a comfortable fit.

This would seem to make sense, given that every proper place one might expect to find themselves in is a room of some sort. Even those places not officially a room—cars, parks, rooftops—well, they sure feel just as roomy. In fact, all of the great indoors is just another word for room. What is the indoors if not the building, and the building if not a collection of rooms together in lattice?

A chamber of concrete, glass and pitched-roof tile, it could well be argued, is man’s natural habitat, the place in which he is most at home, where he draws his smallish comforts and passes the quiet, unremarkable course of his life. He thinks of it as he does himself, a familiar extension of his person, a rectangular, material truth that encloses and protects him—his certain belonging in an otherwise strange and foreign world.

It may be for this reason that we find ourselves in childish sympathy with Miss Honeychurch’s peevish outpour, and remark with native closeness ‘a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction’.

Rooms really are that important to the human organism, no less than a shell to its crab, or a cave to St. Jerome. And so it is when we find ourselves by chance in the wrong room can we count on a most unpleasant situation.

In that manner of taste, whereby every room is a personality, some are worse than others, and others worse still, while the rest would seem to reverse the direction in a cheerful balance. And as we learn to accept them for their more human qualities, do we eventually come to treat them in a similar way. Of a melancholy moment, for whom is a good, quiet room not better company than the best of friends? Better yet, who is a more welcome confidante and reassuring ear than the patient walls of a life-long room?

And to bring the similarity into striking distinction, rooms change and grow, like the families which inhabit them, keeping a living stamp of memory on their many faces—an honest record scattered among one hundred tiny evidences, impressed for all time to tell into the chipped paint and penciled marks; into a collage of the dents, scuffs and stains that make up one short, fussy little life.

In the center of a black room stood nappy black man pacing the floor. Corner to corner, he held his chin and glanced out the window, rectangular with a slider announcing the option to shut himself from the world. The furniture's color eluded him, outside of the ray's reach and made up of contrasting styles from different eras. His bed wasn't even bed, more of mattress on stilts, and his door was so thin it seemed painted on--black with tears of a shabby paintjob trailing off the sides.

I hide my books, I hide my hands, I hide my thoughts. I hide my touch, I hide my views, I hide my heart. I hide regret and regret that I regret. I hide to hide but the light always finds me here. Every night the moon, new or full, keeps me up and aware of how empty this pursuit is. I reflect to understand the world, losing more of my identity through conflicting thoughts. My table is covered in notes, notebooks, and inkless pens. Caps litter the floor beneath the bed, just out of sight from me and any other eyes. Somehow, I'm afraid of other eyes from all the way up here, looking down at the ants of society, brave enough to engage or risk failure. How long can I convince myself to stay here? I wonder this every time I enter, couped up for weeks on end.

He feels empty, ironically, full of himself. Smart, above it all, like the outlier who'll make something of himself while the social school flounders. Three pictures peak out a slit in his mattress of his family and girlfriend, both which he hasn't seen for equal amounts of time. He feels like a hypocrite, stupid to assume a single human has the philosophical, psychological, and spiritual answers the world needs--knowing all too well how they stemmed from other realms, heads, and mouths. Sometimes he doesn't feel at all, watching and waiting for someone to care. Knock on his door or call his dead phone.

"No, that would be awful."

Why would anyone want that?

This room would be what I need, simultaneously what I don't. The introspection quickly morphed into hyperconsciousness: overthinking in this small room. I don't know if I'd be better off in a bigger room. I wonder if I'd want to leave that too.

She used to lay in that spare bedroom, wondering what it would be like if it were hers. She had shared a room with her little sister, which worked out when she was 9 and her sister was 3. But she is in High School now. She and her sister fought because she liked things clean and her sister didn't. After watching the movie Tangled she wondered what it would be like, to be stuck in this room. she thought of all the things she could do with this room. Now she knew, and it SUCKED.

As an active person, she couldn't go anywhere, and as an extrovert, she couldn't talk to people. She sat and did her schoolwork, paced her room, watched a show, read a book, and did all sorts of things to keep her occupied. She even tried a puzzle, which she wasn't really into. She had everything she needed. A desk to work on, a nice bed, books to read, music to play, and art to do. But without people to do them with, there seemed to be no point. She missed people. But what she missed most of all was when she was unable to see her basketball team play their first game. She wasn't the player, she was the coach and had really grown to care for the kids she worked with week to week. She had to miss the whole day, all the volunteer work. She was stuck and though she tried to fight it, even though there was no one there to see, tears ran down her face.

Okay, so, remember a challenge where we had to spotlight our favorite authors which was held a few months ago? To be precise, on the September of 2021. And the challenge word limit was 200, and I went out of my way to make a gigantic post of-- a lot of words? Well, last day, I found the lost draft that I thought was gone forever. And ah, it's a mess. So much of a mess that it almost hurts XD But I am going to put that up here. So here we go!

********

How could I possibly not notice this challenge before?! Alright, there is only one day left. So, we have to be fast. I will keep everything short. I don’t want to, but I think I will have to. Let’s hop right into it.

I just skimmed through some challenge entries this morning. I might have blushed a little, maybe jumped across my room in excitement for minutes on end, and perhaps played a happy dance. I don’t think I did, though. I mean, I am so mature and all, so... Yeah, I am still a horrible liar.

But I was surprised to notice that this name has not popped up anywhere: @Clarity. If you had known me for a while, you might probably know that I am a mad fan (a fanatic) of her work. I don’t think she is around these days, but she might probably remain one of the best storytellers, forever, in my heart. And if you are yet to read one of her novels, come on, what are you waiting for? Go! GO! GO! GO!

I am sorry for that. But next up in my list, it would be @CindyCalder. I haven’t read many of her posts, but she is such an incredible author. I don’t know if she had published any of her works before. But if she hasn’t, the publishers are missing out on some quality content.

And if I don’t mention this name in my list, I would rather be dead: @Mnezz. I mean, come on! She is the nicest person on all of Earth. The universe, maybe! She is the lifeblood of Prose. Without her, this community wouldn’t be what it is tonight. And of course, her spooky tales are a must read *chuckling*

Now, I have to mention this person too: @GLD. Yes, she is an amazing writer, and writes such amazing poems and stories. But more than that, she is such a wonderful friend. When I say that she has changed me even as a person, I am not lying. She has. I am lucky to have a friend like her. And I still feel that’s an understatement. And of course, check out her heartfelt poems and beautiful stories, you are missing out.

Wow, this post will go on forever. You know what? Let’s shift gears! Hold on, my dear friends. We are going lightspeed!!!

My pal, my buddy, my Bucky: @Amal_Z. My very first online friend with whom I could speak in my own language: @Sanjana_S. Her stories and poems are just *chef's kiss* And then, our queen, the epitome of self-love, my dear friend, Our Radiance: @Smruti_Swarupa. The young girl whose confidence and hard work I admire and respect: @Samina. Another online friend that I found in my aimless wander who loves a good debate: @Tushar. And when we talk about him, we can't avoid this man: @Hrithik. Also check out Miss @VRose's profile. She got some really, really good posts lined up.

Now, descriptions are not something that everyone can master, except these two. If you want to read a good character description to fill your mind, you go to @Sinha. If you want to read a good emotional description, you go to @HelenaTherese. And her micro-poetry is a must-read! And yes, my dear friend whose ambition and stories that inspires and motivates my lazy soul: @CalebPinnow. Now, if you are feeling a rush of positivity here, none of it stands a chance against the one and only Ms Nightmare: @LiannaC! Honestly though, she is such a nice person. But, we aren't still done with descriptions here. You want to experience the story on a deeper level with descriptions? Well, I got another two that can create such wonderful imageries and precise descriptions: @PaperbackFish and @HandsOfFire.

And now, it's time for heartbreak. There is one person who can top this least without an effort: @ajrfanz. But trust me. If he breaks my heart again, I am taking him down XD. But heartbreak doesn't end there. I got a bunch of people who can break your heart with ease. Someone who can break it with merely one or two lines: @LovelyNB. Someone who makes us cry and imagine such beautiful yet depressing scenarios simultaneously: @Zoe_n. No, it doesn't end there. I got two more! @arctic and @coldfront. They just like playing around with our heartstrings, I guess.

Now, it's time for siblings! We got lots of them. First off, my dear history mate: @ValiantRaptor47. With him, you got both informative and thrilling posts to read. What a combo! And of course, his sister: @Voidkin_Killer. It doesn't take a long time for her to crack you up with her fun rants. That brings us to our heartbreak and mending pair: @snivyth3 and @Laveenya. You read @snivyth3's poems, you heart gets broken, then you have to go to @Laveenya's profile and read a little something. It's like they have a little evil masterplan! And we have yet another pair of siblings: @VerityMonet and @Carissa. @VerityMonet is one of the most confident, resolved young ladies I am lucky to have met. And her sister, @Carissa, will never let her down too. You will love this duo.

Now, I have a bunch of writers (and good friends) who never ceases to amaze us with their writing abilities. First off: @Rob_Lee. Now this man knows how to craft a story, and he is not even leaving one of them as weak. His profile itself is a masterpiece. And he leaves some of the most heartwarming comments too. Next up: @nightscribbler. Her expertise over language is unmatched in all of Prose! And she is such an amazing person too! Next up: @ana_vega222. If you haven't read any of your poems, you are seriously missing out. Go straight away! Don't care to wait. Fourth up, we have @WhiteWolfe32. I mean, have you even seen his collection of poems? Have you read his chilling stories? Have you visited his super cool website?! Please don't say no. I can also name someone who never stops writing and gives us something everyday. He even has a few books lined up: @1912writer! He is one of our best young men!

Now, this has already crossed over a thousand words, and I not even halfway through. Alright, we are doing a quicker thing.

Some good friends who are not around these days:

@GinelleColour: A young Irish lady, an amazing friend.

@Mara_C: That one person who will pop up when you need it the most.

@MargeauxReed: If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here. She was the first person to send me a message, told me what all I had to do with my posts, gave me advices, supported me. I will never forget her.

@MsHannahTweets: I wasn't here when she used to be here. But I read every last one of her stories, and if you haven't, go straight up there. Trust me, you will never regret that.

@thesavyleelyon: One of her stories still has not left my mind, even after several months. I was excited to delve deeper into that story, but well, I never got the chance to.

@TheDreamer: We all know her. There used to be a time when she ruled over the challenges.

@NaomiAdams: That lady who helped me continue a series with her lovely comments.

@Acadec56: A young man who inspired me to do good, and stay as myself.

Some good friends who only stayed with us for a short while:

@Parise_25: A young lady, who had tons to say and write, but never did it. Her poems were always beautiful, and they always will be.

@Rodaina: Just two posts, and both of them are challenge winning stories. And her debut even won the Prose Monthly challenge!

@Shayna13: A good friend for a brief time. She had such wonderful stories to tell.

@Deeksharai: Another good friend who stayed for a short while. She had a book written in Hindi, and was one to stand up for the things she believed in.

@AnnieLParrish: She is a published author. Need I say more?

Now I have to tell about four others: @Celia_Himawari (Formerly @Cass_Wolf, a good friend), @SadieBug (a.k.a Breadcrumbs. I was Jellybeans!) and @Raing0at (or whatever his username is right now XD). And @KacieIuwara (She has a collection of such amazing tales!)

And when I say these names, I also have to say about one mighty young gitl: @mightymanda. There used to be a time when many of us used to be good friends, so... And she is back now, and she is writing more!

Oh my, I will have to list just the names, I guess XD

Some of the best of the best: @KMCassidy (stories are a must read!), @rlove327 (an English teacher and a wonderful author), @EstherFlowers1 (the one with the tiger pfp, need I say more?), @TW (The Wordsmith), @QuietSilence, @poetgreen, @Mfrobs (stellar writing, here it is!), @EvelynDawn (always encouraging!), @SharondaBriggs (the kind of person the world needs more), @KarenKitchel (leaves the most concise, perfect comments), @CatLady1 (she will crack you up.), @Scratch77 and @JulianRace (Masters of Comedy!), @Roses311Sublime (Just go to his profile, you will understand.)

And

Ernaline (probably the best poet on Prose), anarosewood (Well, there's the contender XD), @TeaRise, @chainedinshadow, @Thereisnospoon, @BonnieBoo, @VividHues (she is a lovely poet!), @LexiCon (If anyone can replace what @Mnezz do one day, it's her.), @tooldtocare (Her trilogy is a must-read!!! MUST-READ!), @James.

@ChristopherHow1: He built a website to write a collaborative novel on mother's love, and I am still sad that I couldn't be a part of it.

@AliPoetry: He even has a newsletter!

Some other lovely names who inspire me to write books:

@thniels: I read his entire book in a day. That explains a lot.

@goldenmel: I am yet to read her books, but I know they will be good!

@Taki: I am yet to read her books too, but I feel the same!!!

@Commentator: He also left me dangling midway through such an amazing sci-fi thriller, but okay, I will forgive him XD I just hope he becomes wildly successful one day.

@EllaCressman: She had a good thriller, gradually unveiling, but again, I could never get to the end.

########

Well, you know, life and its phases... *sighs* But I do love all of those people behind these names. And they will all forever have a place in my heart. Yes, even after I had written this post back then, a lot of new guests had joined us over here on Prose, and I adore them too. And I do have reasons to believe I had missed out on a lot of people even back then. But please know, guys, it ain't personal XD

To this little family I got here <3

Lots of love,

Chacko Stephen

"Oh, are those--" I stuttered, unable to finish my sentence. My heart couldn't bear the pain of such a painful sight.

"Oh," she paused. I could feel the same pain mounting within her heart, "I love them. Why would they do that to such poor things?"

"They will all die down there."

"Gradually-- They'll lose the last breath of air within them, and--" Both of us found it incredibly difficult to hide the pain that crumbled our insides.

"At least, they won't leave this world alone. They have their friends right by their side." I pointed to their side where there were many more of them. "I wish I never had to see this."

"Me too. How can I ever forget them anymore? They'll remain a painful memory I have to--"

"It's okay. They're okay." I said, holding back the tears I wish I could let free.

"I know. It's just-- I love balloons."

"Me too." I sniffed. "Goodness, we really need to grow up!"

########

But honestly, that was a really hurtful sight. An arch, made entirely of balloons, just thrown away into the middle of nowhere! How cruel could they be to do such a thing? Ah, I'll never get over this trauma XD

But it felt so good to relish that inner child in me once again after a very long time ^-^ I mean, conversations like these are what we all live for, aren't they? Just the best. I mean, sure, I exaggerated a little (a little too much) for creative purposes, but I can assure you the emotions were pretty much the same XD

#nonfiction

A church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

4/25/2022

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- Enjoying more anime with my wife.

- Celebrating my niece's birthday.

- Putting in action what I learned from the message at my local church this week.

- Playing more Final Fantasy.

4/26/2022

"What are you grateful for today?"

- Getting a short story draft written just now.

- Hilarious dialogue from Levi on the show Attack On Titan, and being able to share in the laughs with my wife.

- The sleep I'm about to enjoy (it is 1:24 AM as I write this).

4/27/2022

"What made you smile or laugh this week?"

My oldest son's attempt to jump scare me last night.

My youngest son's imagination.

My teenage daughter's reactions at times.

4/29/2022

Affirmation: "God had me in mind before I was born."

"Is there anything you would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You God for helping me through another work week, for my family to come home to, shows to watch with my wife, games to play with my kids, my favorite hockey team doing well in the playoffs, writing projects to do, and my niece's birthday celebration this weekend.

4/30/2022

"Think of a recent movie."

"In a recent movie (show), I felt...."

On the anime Attack On Titan, I am learning how villains from Season 2 were motivated based on their upbringing, and how protagonists can become less favorable folks based on choices made. It's not for everyone, but is an intriguing watch.

A Church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

5/2/2022

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- Teacher Appreciation Week at work.

- Playing more Switch Sports with my family.

- Writing goals that I'll hopefully complete.

5/3/2022

"What are you grateful for today?"

Getting treated at work for Teacher Appreciation Week, being able to see my son act after I leave work early, getting a chance to write a Bible journal, and enjoying an anime with my wife.

5/4/2022

"What made you smile or laugh this week?"

- My son's performance from his acting class where he played an alien of his own creation.

- Evening conversation with my kids last night.

- Free snacks management provided at work for Teacher Appreciation Week.

5/5/2022

"How did someone help you this week?"

My leadership team at work has been doting over us for Teacher Appreciation Week, and my students and their families have been very generous as well.

5/6/2022

Affirmation: "I am loved by God."

"Is there anything you would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You God for giving my wife and daughter a good experience at the concert they attended last night. Thank You God for a special Teacher Appreciation Week, and for all the kindness I was shown by my employer, co-teacher, students and their families.

5/7/2022

"Think of something positive that happened last week...."

I am thankful for all of the kindness and generosity I was blessed with from Teacher Appreciation Week. My spirits were lifted, and I thank God for trusting me with the class He gave me this year.

Explore and you will find

it's only in your mind.

So what? if she's your kind ...

Pleasure knows no measure

of temp'rance, ... 'just pleasure'.

Take it at your leisure.

Do not only tease her.

No longer come seizures.

Please her at your leisure.

A Church I follow has an app (Crossroads Anywhere) where we journal together as a community, and one of the things we journal about are things we are thankful for. I wrote these for this week's prompts from the app....

5/16/2022

"What are you looking forward to this week?"

- Putting the message from my local church into practice and being a light at home (and elsewhere).

- Teaching the last official week of Pre-K at my school before we start the summer program.

- My students' graduation ceremony.

5/17/2022

"What are you grateful for today?"

I am grateful for laughs with my family last night while watching the newly dubbed Attack On Titan OVA, graduation preparations

at work coming along nicely, a writing collaboration on Prose successfully reaching the finish line, Easter devotionals to take in as the Easter season continues, and time to rest my head beside the love of my life soon (it is 12:05 AM as I write this).

5/19/2022

"How did someone help you this week?"

My co-teacher was amazing with keeping our class organized in their lines/rows for graduation practice yesterday. I feel more at ease about the main event on Friday thanks to her organizational skills shown during the rehearsal.

5/20/2022

Affirmation: "God listens to me."

"Is there anything You would like to thank God for this week?"

Thank You Father for Your never-ending patience and forgiveness. Thank You for helping me get through a challenging school year, with a graduation ceremony tonight to celebrate our class completing Pre-K.

5/21/2022

"Think of a special experience...."

My Pre-K Class had a very special graduation last night, and they did very well at the ceremony. It was nice having a community event with my students' proud families present at the school, sharing in their children's accomplishments from this past school year.