I am humble enough to admit that I wasn't a great mother. I had all four sons before turning twentyone years old. No they didnt have different daddies, no I wasnt promiscuous, yes I had a good wholesome upbringing. One flaw, no father in my life to guide me in the ways of boys and men.

You know, I sacrificed so much for them, I loved them, and yes did I make mistakes, of course. After all there wasn't an instruction booklet.

My first son was a product of a date rape, understand here that I have never blamed my son, it was never his fault. He was sweet, and a beautitful boy and wonderful.

The younger three were from my ex, who also had a daughter a year older than my oldest son. She was two years old, her dad had custody, and I fell in love with her. I was in love with her dad, my ex, but he wasnt in love with me as I thought.

After spending four years together, my ex took the son he wanted to keep and left me pregnant with two little boys. His daughter went to visit his exwife, the two of them used her as a pawn in getting back at each other through the years. I did what I could to make her feel loved as much as my own, but later in her life it wasnt good enough, and it was all for naught.

I was encouraging throughout all of thier lives, when two sons came out as gay, I still loved them, supported them and never once told them they could not be what they wanted to be. I did tell them they had to wait untill they were adults before they made major life changing decisions....

Fastforward to the present.

The daughter I helped when she got pregnant out of wedlock at twenty, my husband I married when the kids were still little, we took her in and gave her a home and helped her with our grandbaby.

The boys were still in highschool, we all helped out.

Then, she got a house, a boyfriend and instead of celebrating getting married with the ones who supported her, she just got married.

I wanted to help pick out her dress or at least go to try outs.

I was completely cut out.

My oldest son as much as I exspressed my love and care for him, he was always in trouble, mixed up in drugs and with the wrong people. He married an addict and they have three children, I never get to see because I refuse to support thier drug habit, and they told his kids that I am dead. So I am dead.

My second son, the one my ex took with him when he left me, well it took me a month but I got him back. I was seven months pregnant with my youngest son.

So my second son was smart, a good baby, a good kid, everybody liked him and you could just tell he was going to be gay but I didnt care, I loved him no matter what.

I supported him, let him bring friends over, and yet, he still picked everyone elses moms over me because they had more money. They lived in fancier homes or nicer cars ect.

Fast forward to now:

Now he is married, we supported him because we wanted him to be happy, his in-laws live with him and his spouse AND he took thier family name.

So I handled that.

Then he talks down to me, and acts embarrassed that I am his mom. I noticed that on his social media all his pics are of his new family, the ones of me are from years ago.

Yes our political views are oposite, does that mean I dont love him of course not! It does for him though.

My third son has always been a middle child. Hes very good, easy going, and an introvert. Always has been. Kind and gentle he has a good head on his shoulders. We had a tiny bit of trouble when he was a teen, but he was just afraid of coming out. All is well now. He lives with his partner.

My youngest is on the spectrum but high functioning and keeps a job. When he was four months old he contracted spinal meningitis and it settled on his brain, as a result we spent two months in childrens hospital and in the end he had to have brain surgery. I was devastated. The doctors didnt know how well he would develop after, walking, talking ect. As it turned out he didnt talk until he was almost five. My older children said I favored him the most.

Maybe, but they never came so close to losing a child to death like I did, they never had to realize how precious that sweet child so sick with fever really is after everything you go through. You see in the end you love all your children no matter what. Period.

My youngest is married now, again, I was excluded from any of the planning or helping. I would have liked to be included but why start now?

My two youngest sons do keep in touch with me. The others have taken on the attitude that I should chase them around, call them all the time and bend over backwards so they will stay in touch. They want to hold the grand kids over my head.

So I give up. I cant do it. I cant be that kind of person so I'll just be dead. I never was disrespectful to my folks, and I took my children to see them every weekend.

So I'm disapointed that mine cant even wish me happy birthday, happy mothersday, happy thanksgiving, or happy holidays! Not one word or picture.

Yet I send them all those greetings.

Maybe I did everything wrong.

Maybe should have done what society today thinks is best by just taking the easy way out and murdering them before they were born.

All I know is that this generation is so

Dissapointing.

2016 movie,

Watched November 19, 2024

This is the first I heard of the movie or the book, so if anyone reading this feels this is a bit late, I understand.

I love a good thrill movie, hate gore, but love haunting, spooky that kind. Especially if it has a twist, you know, the kind of unexpected ending.

This movie pleasantly suprised, while I wasnt sure if I really wanted to watch it at first, as the movie went on I was pulled in to the story.

I dont want to give away anything just in case, so just know that its a low key spook show.

G rated as far as I would say.

Over all good movie, like a Saturday Matineé kind of movie.

Anyway

va profiter!

Its a shame that some people

who live in america think that

the government should be thier

caretakers and that they are entitled to handouts just by living here.

They feel they should be given healthcare, and free food.

This all sounds pretty, but who is going to work for it and who will get paid for it?

These idealists who want socialism don't want it when they aren't getting paid what things are worth! They don't agree when they have to give up some of thier freedoms for others.

So just how does it really work?

Its a shame.

Im very saddened today at the heartbreak of well intentioned people.

Its upsetting that there are those in my country who take great joy in causing chaos and discord and prefer this over liberty freedom and happiness of all our citizens. Today I have whitnessed, what i would have thought were mature adults, behave as toddlers do when they dont get their way.

Questions come to my mind.

I dont recall throwing a fit or calling names when Obama won the presidency. Actually, i did have some hope for him to be a change, that didnt happen saddly.

I didnt shed a tear when Biden won or stomp around and scream. I just figured well we shall see what he will do.

Most of these folks acting out were babies when o'l Bill and Hillary were in office. Remember his messing around with women? He got caught but hey thats differnt because hes a Democrat right? A good ol boy!

Someone close to me said the uneducated voted for Trump because of the chart he showed. Well, maybe, I fit in that catagory with a ninth grade education, but I managed to make sure my children had a roof over thier heads, food to eat, clean clothes, yet maybe thats just not smart enough since I didnt have a degree. Maybe you need a degree these days for living.

I'm saddened that none of these complainers have any class or maners enough to take it like an adult and pull up thier panties and just move on like we do even when we disagree. Thats where parenting and education have failed everyone in the USA.

Without these two important fundamentals of life we are just anarchists.

It saddens me a lot....

Just watched the documentary on Netflix about Martha Stewart.

I must say that i am very impressed and happy that it was done in her words and while shes still with us. Its nice to see her prospective instead of the film makers speculations.

I have always been a fan of Martha, and by watching this i understand better why. She was able to show everyone that being domestic isnt a bad thing, even regular people can make beautiful places and things.

She proves over again and again through her life how to rise above adversity with grace and style.

We should all take a page from her book.

I would die to know if

the one I love is well.

I would die to know if

the one I love still dreams of me.

I would die to know if

the one my heart breaks for remembers this heart across the sea. I would die to know if

the one I love tastes my tears in the salty air.

May peace be with him always Amin.

افتقدك بالدموع

سأموت لأعرف إن كان من أحب بخير.

سأموت لأعرف إن كان من أحب لا يزال يحلم بي. سأموت لأعرف إن كان من ينفطر قلبي من أجله يتذكر هذا القلب عبر البحر. سأموت لأعرف إن كان من أحب يتذوق دموعي في الهواء المالح. السلام عليه دائمًا أمين.

He bought a ring for me at a local fair. It was a beautiful setting, a blue lacy agate. When I looked into it I could see the rolling waves of the ocean. It was so lovely.

One afternoon we were out with the horses and getting in the truck I realized the setting of my ring was gone! Oh I was sick to my stomach because I really loved this stone.

How in the world would we ever find it? For all I knew it was lost in the pasture and that would be like finding a needle in a haystack!

Oh the humanity!

I just knew i'd nevet see it again and my heart just sank.

I have lost so many rings in my life that if I got back what they were worth, I would probably be well off sadly.

This wasn't just a ring or just a stone. This had meaning because of what it reminded me of. It reminded me of days long past, spent on beaches with my dad. Him carving cars out of driftwood, bringing up hermit crabs from the shallows for me to play with in the sand, and picking seashells along the shore.

So the stone gone, i moved on.

Then a couple months later my husband was cleaning out his truck

when he came in and asked me if i remembered loosing something.

I said "Yes my mind but you knew that already!"

Then he showed me the stone!

I was so happy i cried!

So now i have the stone but cant find the ring so now I have to get the stone put back into a ring!

Gosh! You win some

You loose some!

I just saw this movie and I liked it.

I saw the critics reviews, but i dont agree.

One could ponder that the writers may be sending subliminal messages about our current world.

I see a paralelle between the Architect and machines, and our current government and its many agencies.

Both want total control over humanity in everything, mind, body, and soul.

Hollywood has played a big part in the shaping of our minds, what if someone is trying to send a message telling the viewers whats really going on behind closed doors?

Just a thought.....

Or is it?....

What is the cure

for Regret?

To Forget.

What is the cure

for Aging?

To remain Ageless,

as a classic.

What is the cure

for Love?

Being Loved.

What is the cure

for Hate?

To Love without condition.

Yes you!

Misting up my hallway,

Moaning all hours of the night!

Stomping and scatching and

scaring the bejeebers outa my kids!

Well you can just stop it right now!

I have had it up to here with all your creepy, crapy cryin and so on!

You've had your little fun but if you dont walk into the light right now, so help me im gonna call out the Hell hounds and have them rip you a new hole in your "sheet"!

Now i mean it! Trust me when I say

"Hell hath no fury like a mother who had no sleep!"

So get into the light or face my wrath!