We Can Still Be Friends

I'm not in the habit of having one-night stands.  I like to think of myself as kind of an old school romantic, and I am friends with a lot of people who think that I'm severely outdated.  I hold onto my ideals because I was just brought up that you shouldn't ever share a part of yourself with someone unless it was okay for them to take it with them.

Anyway, so being mostly celibate and keeping with my hermetic nature, I rarely reach out for social comfort.  I put up a status on good, old Facebook that I would be in my hometown visiting for my high school reunion.  I received a text message of a shirtless, bearded man smiling and waving at the camera.

I would love to take you to dinner, it said.

I smiled.  It was Henry, the older brother of someone that I had gone to school with all my life.  He had always been the one to keep us out of trouble, and he had been one of my cousin's friends in high school.

I don't really like to eat out, I replied.  But maybe drinks and karaoke?

He sent a little thumbs up emoji and told me to let him know when I was in town so we could meet up.

I got to my hometown and everything went as platitudinal as one would expect at the reunion.  I shook out of there as quickly as I could and went downtown to Dirty D's for cocktails and to hopefully meet up with Henry.

When I got there, Henry was already inside with his brother Doug, the guy I'd known since childhood.  They were both incredibly drunk, singing awful renditions of '90s grunge hits and occasionally trying to put their hands up my shirt.  

Henry stepped out for a cigarette, and Doug moved in for the kill-shot.

"I'm getting divorced, you know," he said in a very aloof attempt to seduce me.  "I've been really lonely.  I'm not looking for anything serious though, but I know you're more interested in my brother anyway."

"Doug, I really like Henry, and I really don't want to complicate a pretty weird night so far.  I'm going to call a cab, and I might just leave you both here," I said.

Henry pushed his way between Doug and me and kissed me drunk and full of cigarette smoke and cheap beer.  "We getting out of here, or what?  I thought we could do something more entertaining."

Doug snarled, finished his beer, and proceeded to put his hand up the next skirt that walked past him.  We lost him and got into the cab to Henry's place.

Henry hadn't done well, but he had a trailer on some land in a quiet area where we could be alone.  He took me into his home and proceeded to kiss all over my body in his drunken, sloppy way.  We started disrobing and his phone started to ring.  

"It's Dougie," he chuckled.  "Fuck that right now."

His phone rang continuously while we made out on his bed.  I was starting to get tired, which meant things were going to have to pick up or fizzle out soon.  I was losing my buzz, and the absurdity of the whole evening started creeping into the corners of my mind.

"Shit, now my mom is calling," he said and sat up, answering his phone.  "What's up, mom?"

I listened to her yell at him for leaving his brother at a bar, and she scolded him because Doug had been arrested for trying to drive home drunk.

"Sorry about that," he said as he turned back to me.  "I need another beer.  You?"

"Just water, please," I said and covered myself with his blankets, because I was becoming aware of my weird nakedness in his trailer in the middle of nowhere, and somehow I had started an awkward situation between him and his little brother.

He stood in the doorway, fully nude, and chugged a beer straight out of the fridge and threw the can onto his floor.  He pounced on top of me, kissing me and biting my neck.  I was giggling, and I was beginning to be at peace with the decision to have a one-night stand with him.  

Suddenly, he pulled his head back from me and vomited all over my chest and neck.  It was in my hair.  It was on my chin.  

I screamed.  "What the fuck, Henry?"

He puked again and started to laugh.  "Dude, I'm so sorry.  I'm such a fuck-up."

"Are you okay?" I asked as I started to laugh too.  "Where's your bathroom?"

I showered.  He showered.  We changed the linens on the bed and doused the whole place with Febreze.  He looked at me and sheepishly smiled.

"Do you want to watch a movie or play video games or something?"

"Sure," I said and made myself at home.  "Just because you puked on me doesn't mean we can't still be friends."