Stupid profile pic...

This post may sound conceited in the beginning; I understand and fully acknowledge this beforehand. However, if you are reading this, you either follow me and know what I truly think about myself or you are going through my feeble works, trying to decide if what I have put out into the world has value. (How’s that for a self-deprecating statement? Because, trust me, I do it ALL the time!)

As I look at the profile picture I currently have set up on this website, I can see a few things that people have pointed out to me that are positive attributes. I do have relatively clear skin. I do have full lips. And my eyes are piercing. It does appear as though I’m looking right at you…even when I look at it, I get creeped out because my stare is intense.

I'll admit I believe my eyes are my best physical attribute. Unfortunately, (in my opinion) because I took this picture in Sepia tone, you cannot truly tell what color they are. They are blue, and my mood will reflect the shade. If I'm content or relaxed, they are a pale, almost ice-blue. If they are dark and stormy, I'm either very emotional, or under the influence of a substance. The makeup is just and accent. I rarely wear it because I'm too lazy to apply, and this particular day, I let my teenage daughters make me over.

Most people don’t have an issue with this picture. In fact, I’ve gotten a lot of positive responses on it. It shocked the hell out of me, simply because I just don't see it.

But…because I am who I am, I MUST critique myself; beat myself down so that I don’t get too comfortable, cocky, or confident.

I am about to break down for you what is wrong with this picture in MY eyes. For reference, when I say left and right, I am speaking in regards to true left and right, not the mirror image that the photo represents. The reason I do this will give you greater insight into my writings, my emotions, and my general purpose for sharing as a release.

The right side of my face is bigger, and higher in certain spots. Look at my right eye, for starters. It is more wide open. It is also higher set, and the eyebrow higher set and thinner than the left. Of course, the sagging underneath the eye is more obvious. Though my nostrils are close, you can clearly see that the right one comes up slightly more than the left. My right cheek is more pronounced; it looks like I either have a wad of dip (snuff, tobacco, etc. for those of you not from the South) in my right cheek. In addition, my lips are fuller on the right side (although, to be honest, this could be because of the way that I hold my mouth. I hate my teeth; I destroyed them when I battled an eating disorder in my teens and after the birth of my children, so I show them as little as possible when I smile.) Also, when I smirk, my mouth naturally pulls to the left.

If you are reading this and seeing the picture, you are probably shaking your head and saying, “Damn…all that BS from a selfie?” Unfortunately, yes.

All I ask is that you imagine a photo of yourself, then pretend that you have a very low self-esteem and cut your image down the way that a stranger would. This is how I live my life daily. But, I wear a mask of self-confidence because I have two young ladies about to be 16 years old that do not need to feel about themselves and their bodies the way that their Mama does. Do I want or need pity? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I struggle daily to uplift my daughters and make sure they know that their worth is SO much more than their physical appearance; I do NOT want them to make the same mistakes I did solely to be accepted within society. All I ask is acknowledgement and understanding that I feel and think this way, whether you agree or not.