The Devil’s Intern Part 8

Lu, Joshua, and the rest of Lu's gang all sat inside a large room with an oval shaped table. 

"Welcome to the meeting room." the devil proclaimed to his intern. "Here is where we discuss different methods of torturing souls. No worries, there's no gore or violence. Just talk."

"Yeah," Balthazar added, "Talk about gore and violence." The others laughed at his comment, including Joshua. 

Joshua seemed to be adapting well to his demonic company. His business was kept mostly in the upper portions of Inferno Tower, which he was glad to be part of. No torturing, no screaming, no sort of abuse against souls. He didn't even have to look a poor soul wandering around the towel, with the exception for one or two used as a servants.

While Lu rambled on during the meeting, Joshua did as he normally would: doodle in his journal. Ghuul peeked over the boy's shoulder with his lazy eye. "Hey kid." he whispered. "Whatcha working on?"

"Just some doodles."

Ghuul caught a glimpse of the boy's artwork. Superheroes battling supervillains, monsters on top of skyscrappers, UFO's hovering in space. Typical drawings for a boy his age, yet there was much more attention to detail with every pencil mark he made.

"Say, you got some serious talent." Ghuul added.

"You think so?"

"Kid, you should do some serious business with this."

"I don't think my mom would approve." Joshua said hesitantly. The thought of his mother's disapproval worried him. He knew that she preferred that his talents was put to use serving God as an educator or a priest.

"And what does your pops think?"

Joshua frowned. "I don't think his opinion matters anymore." he muttered to himself.

"May we keep all eyes and ears on me, please?" Lu demanded. All eyes were now focused on him. "Now as you all know we gotta come up with new methods of torture. Some techniques are still good, others are a little dated. But we don't want them too broken. Otherwise you know what becomes of them."

"What happens?" Joshua asked.

"Scavengers." The hulking Moloch growled.

"Filthy, festering diseases that kill and eat everything." the devil explained.

Lilith shuttered. "Yeeek! Scavengers. Every time I think about them, I need to shower in holy water."

"Don't even joke about that." Balthazar said. "I'd take the scavengers over what holy water could do any day."

"Yes, yes, we know the damage scavengers and holy water can do," Lu interrupted, "but now we need some new methods to punish all those damned down here. Any ideas." The room was silent. "Come on, there are no stupid ideas."

"How about we boil them in hot sauce?" The short bat-looking demon Scrugs suggested to the group.

"That's a stupid idea." his boss retorted. "Next?"

"We could bring back the prongs?" Ghuul said.

"We haven't used those since the Crusades," Lu then turned his gaze over to Joshua. A nasty smile formulated back onto his lips. "Intern, what about you? Got any fresh ideas?"

All demonic eyes were on Josh now. Joshua started getting nervous. His throat was becoming dry and lumpy. He had to think of something fast. One idea popped into his head, yet he wasn't sure if these dark beings would approve. "Uh, just one," he muttered, "Can we get TubeFlix in here?"

The devil pressed a button on a remote while a large projector screen lowered behind him. He then proceeded to take his seat in his large chair, which dwarfed all the other chairs around him. 

The remote slid over to Joshua's spot. After examining the remote, he pressed the button that read 'TUBEFLIX'. The screen showed a wide variety of shows and movies for everyone's viewing pleasure. Joshua flipped through the alphabetized catalog of titles until he found the show that remembered watching through much of his childhood.

The title showed a bright background of disgusting sunshine and happiness. The few kids featuring on the cover were despicably happy. The most heinous image was the adult man, cosplayed as a superhero, who stood at the center of the cover box. The man's costume, which was just low budget body armor of a forgotten movie set, was painted bright blue like the fake sky background. His mask covered most of his face, probably to hide his shame. On his back was a cape that looked like a regular bath towel. But the one feature that drew everyone's attention was the large cross that was painted on the "hero's" chest.

"Captain Christian and the Holy Helpers?" Lu read the title. His face scrunched up in confusion. "What is this crap?"

"Something my mom had me watch when I was younger." Joshua said.

"That explains it," Moloch growled again.

Joshua pressed play and the show began. It opened with the titular hero talking about a certain dead carpenter and how much he loved everyone. Joshua overheard his demonic cohorts make a few jokes about the character, unaware of the real horror that awaited them all.

As the episode continued, the protagonist would confront a child, talking to each about their problems. The hero and the child would then say a prayer and the problem was magically fixed. The phrase 'what are we watching' was tossed around much each member of the room. The demons slumped over the desk, dazed and petrified by what they were watching. Joshua, on the other hand, sat perfectly normal, unfazed by the show's campy nature. 

All the demons breathed a sigh of relief when the credits finally rolled. "Oh thank god it's over," Lilith gasped.

"That's just the first episode." Joshua said.

"THERE'S MORE?!?" All the demons screamed. 

The show continued onto the second episode. Each episode was the same scenario. A kid has problems, Captain Christian comes in and talks, they pray, problems solved. Once in a while he would have to battle monsters and costumed baddies, but the fights were so poorly choreographed the hero might have sneezed and won the fight.

It was torturous. The demons could barely hang on to their sanity. Both Ghuul and Balthazar wept on Lilith's shoulders as Lilith lightly panted their heads. Scrugs tied himself a noose out of paperclips around his neck. Even the mighty Moloch, who was the toughest of the group, couldn't stand it. His head smacked into the desk so many times that a crater was beginning to form.

The devil himself look completely lobotomized. His mouth gaped open for a fly to buzz right in. His scarlet eyes blank of life. He wished that he was repeatedly cast out of Heaven so that it would spare him having to watch more of this fiendish show.

The credits rolled again. "That's the end of the first season." Joshua muttered, "Only seven more to go."

"NO MORE!" Lu popped back to life. "No more. I can't take it. This is sick. This is evil!" 

His lips curled up. "I love it! This this just what we need."