I am beautiful, but not much else

I am beautiful

I said to myself in the mirror

after I finished

puking in the bathroom bar,

but not much else

The person waiting for me upstairs

still wanted to kiss me

he said

you are so beautiful

You used to think so, too

when I first met you

You would slide your hand

through the dip in my waist

over the flat

my barely thighs

in silence

prayer

as if in awe

then said

Goddamn that body

then,

pockets of fat

collected under my chin

on my belly

I softened

where bones

stuck out before

a side effect of

losing my mind

something you minded

didn't have the mind for

Your hands stopped.

roaming

I had nothing left.

to offer

Now

when someone says

I am beautiful

I say

but not much else