An Introvert’s Woes

I cried in a college bathroom stall today.  I cried at the same time as I was eating a candy bar, and for awhile after too.  And I cried because I am an introvert.

This started in psych class today, where we talked about parenting styles and the type of children they generally produce.  There was a lot of information, but I'll boil it down into the two most relevant points.  "Bad parenting"(I use quotation marks because I'm vastly generalizing) can result in antisocial children.  "Good parenting" results in children who are energetic and friendly.

The professor went on to explain what antisocial people tend to look like, and it sounded just like me.  According to her, a doctor in psychology, the way I act shows antisocial tendencies, which tend to show up as problem behaviors in children who have been neglected.

My parents didn't neglect me.  They were and are wonderful parents, no matter how much I complain about them.  Which means that these 'wrong' behaviors must be my fault.

I don't know how to demonstrate how I felt, so I'll just give a run down of some of the things I was thinking in that bathroom stall:

I am antisocial.

There's something wrong with me.

Other people aren't like this.  Why am I?

I am antisocial.  

Why can't I just be normal.

I never played with other kids as a child.  That's proof I'm abnormal.

I am antisocial.

I hate that word, antisocial.

Why don't I have any close friends?

Why can't I just enjoy social activities?

I am antisocial.

Why can't I just hate being alone?

Why am I like this?

What's wrong with being like this.

I am not normal.

There's something wrong with me.

I sat in that bathroom for a good fifteen minutes like that, before I finally picked myself up and left so I could get my notebook ready for my chem lab later.

Logically, I know there's nothing wrong with being an introvert.  Nearly a third of America's population is introverted, and if you look it up, there's plenty of information about why introverts are good.  But sometimes, no matter how much I remind myself I'm fine the way I am, I can't stop myself from feeling like there's something wrong with me.  Usually when someone says something like my psych teacher did before- something that I perceive as implying that introversion is wrong.

I think everyone has something like that.  Something that, when they think logically, they know isn't a problem, but see it as one anyway.  Whatever it is for you, just remember: there is nothing wrong with you.

I'm a Christian.  I don't know if you're religious or not, but I'm going to include something here that comforts me whenever I start thinking like this.  Maybe it'll help you too.

You were created in the image of a perfect God.  He knows your name, every hair on your head, every thought, and He loves you.  Because you were created in His image, he created you perfectly.  He hears you every time you cry out, He sees every tear you let fall.  He loves you, and He died for you.  And when He created you, He said you were good.Maybe I am antisocial, and maybe that is a bad thing.  But as long as I'm happy this way, isn't that okay?