Pain Is Unceasing

Pain. My life has had several kinds of pain. There was the pain as a child, the kind of pain that came from a paper cut or scraping my knee. Then there was the pain of abandonment, from my father, my grandparents, and at times, my older brothers. Then there was the pain of my first love. I gave my heart to the wrong person, who didn't ask for it, who didn't want it, and who definitely didn't handle it with care.

There was the physical pain of self harm. But even worse was the emotional pain that came from cutting myself. In the last six months, I've experienced pain unlike anything I had known before. I've experienced the pain of loving someone and having their parent constantly try to trash that. I've experienced the pain of my first loved one passing away. I've experienced the constant pain of not having closure about that death and the pain of having to watch as their spouse continues to disrespect them, even in death. I've experienced the pain of watching someone I loved change before me and cave into their controlling and narcissistic mother.

I've experienced the pain of losing a relationship with the boy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I've experienced the pain of mourning that relationship. I've experienced the pain of trying to move on in a small town. I've experienced the pain of seeing an ex move on, which hurts, even if you're not together anymore.

Pain is no stranger to me. I've known pain well, but still not as well as some.