Unbowed, Unbent, Broken

9/28/17

Here we go…

About 2 months ago, I started feeling off. I started losing weight about 1 ½ months ago. When I started, I weighed 213/214 pounds. I tipped the scales this morning at 180. I have lost 33-34 pounds in around 1 ½ months.

Earlier in September, it wasn’t just not feeling good and a diminished appetite, it was bouts of vomiting. The first time, I let Sharon know, but dismissed it. My weight wasn’t in freefall yet. About 9 days later I vomited and there were blood splatters in the vomit. This was the Thursday bout 6 days our from starting our vacation and heading to College Station, TX. Elijah was scheduled to compete in the Texas Shootout archery tournament at Texas A&M University.

I had already set up a doctor’s appointment out of concern, but it was for after the tournament. My weight was starting to plunge. The blood in my vomit was alarming. So I moved up my doctor’s appointment and stayed home while Sharon and Elijah went on to the tournament.

On 9/20, I went to see my primary care physician, Dr. Morris, and she took blood to run labs based on my symptoms.

On 9/22, they came back with high levels of liver enzymes. At this time, it could have been a gallbladder issue, so we set up an abdominal ultrasound for Monday morning, 9/24.

I have had a whirlwind week from that point forward.

The ultrasound revealed multiple low density masses in my liver. I scheduled and went for a cat scan that afternoon.

A close friend from my time playing softball and that I go to church with picked me up and took me for the scan. Once there, one of my small group leaders and pastor met me and prayed for me before I went back for the scan.

The results were sent to Dr. Morris and I almost immediately received a call that she wanted to meet with me at 4:15 that afternoon, and if I still hadn’t had anything to eat or drink, then don’t. Lunch had just arrived, and as hard as it was, I pushed it away.

I sat with David and Karen and sent a message to Sharon letting her know what was going on.

At 3:45, we headed to the Liberty Clinic so I could meet with Dr. Morris.

Dr. Morris was direct and to the point. There are multiple low density masses in my liver. The largest masses are 4.8cm each, one on the left and one on the right. That’s two masses that are almost 2” each in my liver of multiple masses.

She wanted me to go for a GI tract scan (EDG and colonoscopy), but it will have to wait so I can prep. She needed more blood to test for markers for colon cancer.

This morning, the markers came back very elevated pointing to colon cancer. That means the masses in my lever are metastatic liver cancer that has migrated from my colon.

It is now Thursday morning, 9/28 and I am taking the last prep for my colonoscopy and EDG. With migration to the liver, odds are a grim diagnosis of stage 4 colon cancer.

I don’t have specifics yet, but if it is stage 4 colon cancer statistics say I have an 11% chance of surviving 5 years. Chances are my time , whether I fight or not, is short.

With the diagnosis pending, I have a have a hard choice to make of whether I fight for short term quality of life or longevity. Treatment options will be presented and there is much to live for.

I have my wife of 21 years, Sharon, and my 2 sons, Isaiah (almost 19) and Elijah (just turned 16). They have been who and what I have lived for and worked for. They have been the driving force in my life, my meaning.

What I would like to see, my request, from my friends and family, is stories. I would like to put my story to paper for my sons and eventually their kids, and so on. I need help in this endeavor. If you have memories, good or bad, of me, anecdotes of how I may have affected you or your life, pictures, etc… please send me what you can. You can send in messenger, or ask and I will send you my address. Nothing is out of bounds. I will sort through everything with Sharon while I can. (I’m proud of her. She’s now written and self-published 2 books and is working on a third.)

I have one more thing to ask. Don’t pity me. Don’t look at me as a victim. I refuse the label of “Cancer Victim”.

Regardless of what my outcome is, I will FIGHT, defiant, for life. That fight may be short and for quality. That life may be longer with harsh treatments. But FIGHT I will. I will stand tall with my head leld high even as my physical body is hurt and falls apart. I will not bow or bend before cancer even as my body is broken. I will be broken before my maker and search for his purpose in this process. And regardless of whether or not I ever know his purpose, I will know “All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

As I walk through this journey, Sharon and I will set up a Caring Bridge page to post updates. We will have myriad need along the way, prayer being the most vital.

I will continue to journal (something I have never done and felt wholly inadequate at) and post occasional notes as I need to clear my mind of all the thoughts racing through it.

I am blessed by God and to have a beautiful family and friends. I have a wonderfully supportive church. My mind is intact and I can express myself.

As my Friend, Tracey says, “God is Good”.

My external circumstance is just that, an external circumstance. How I approach it in mind and spirit is everything.

I am Unbowed and Unbent before cancer.

I am broken before my creator and savior, Jesus Christ. I have for myself and my family because of him.

Trusting with hope in the arms of The Loving and Only God,

Thadd