Burning embers.

It is in this exact moment, when I am shrouded with so much emotion that it swallows me whole that I know I am not normal. I put a smile on my face and I laugh at every joke told but there is something inside of me trying to dig its way out. In every conversation, moment or thought of you I want to scream so loud that the earth trembles. So that the clouds pour heavy onto your very home, the home that is dripping in another time of beauty; but flooded with the raw raging anger that seeps out of each and every one of your pores. I am afraid; I tell myself in the moments that I feel my soul breaking, my heart giving in; my mind unable to comprehend the very moment I am standing in that I will some how, some day fix all of this. It never shows, there is no moment of silence just screams and agony. Tears spilling on every inch of my clothing, a body aching so bad that it doesn't know how to . A life so bare I don't know how to cope. And a sea of people that don't notice, I am not brave, nor enough to change my circumstances and for once I just want to cave in. Let the tide rip me away further from shore and let my body sink to the deepest depths of your ocean. The only one I have ever known, the one thing I have always had to continuously fight to survive. You look at me with those eyes and for once I am not convinced that you are sorry, I am not satisfied with your touch of sorrows; your cries for another tomorrow. Instead I find myself in a moment of our past reliving your smile and laugh. I wonder where that went, how it left you so silently in the night. How the burning embers in your eyes faded to dust and your heart became so cold that even I couldn't fight to stay warm. Where did it all go?